Big age difference among siblings
When a family member announces a nest, friends and relatives are often more than skeptical. The reason is often the concern that a too large age difference between the siblings could cause problems.
In the run-up to concern can arise quickly, there is a big difference between the siblings with an age difference of six or more years. Is it still possible to do justice to all children? Is the latecomer spoiled and the big neglected? With a little mindfulness such problems hardly occur and on the contrary, a harmonious and loving sibling relationship develops precisely because the age difference is so great.
Conscious decision or "accident"
Often it happens when the children are out of the woods: your partner becomes pregnant at an age when you had quite different plans. Just as often, however, couples consciously choose a "nest hook". Precisely because the existing children become more and more independent, their own life calms down and there is simply enough room for another child. As a parent, you are well prepared for the late generation, you know what to expect and can make a clear choice for a child. Your child will benefit from this: It feels welcome in the world and is born into a safe and well-prepared environment.
The way to family happiness
In order for family life, where one or even several older children live, to remain harmonious with a new baby, parents should keep an eye on things. Because by itself it is not. Mindfulness and care for the "big ones" should by no means be neglected. Especially when the older children are in puberty or are about to stand, they need attention and attention - and can incidentally be similarly nerve-wracking as the youngest. You should definitely think about the following:
Infants are not playmates. In the first year of life, a baby makes noise and work in the first place. The older siblings may like to participate in the care, but they must not be forced. Because the decision for the child you have met as a parent.
If your older child is self-employed or on demand, you should acknowledge this. Praise for participation and thinking and describe how the help has a positive effect: "Nice that you have brought the pacifier, now the baby can sleep much better." This is especially important for younger children, but also young people know always appreciate honest praise.
Even your older child is still a child and must not be forced into a supply role for the younger sibling. Children can not always be reasonable and considerate, you should think about that.
Do not over-indulge the baby tick. This applies to all family members. It has its place in the family and must also learn to become self-sufficient and to accept limits and to behave - in its possibilities - considerate.
Make sure that your children are age-appropriate. These include games, sports activities and friendships. A big age difference requires different interests. Make it possible for both the big and the youngest to work according to their age.
This is how the big siblings benefit
Having a baby in the family means some restrictions for the older children. They need to be more considerate and sometimes have to stand back when the baby is full of diapers, screaming in pain or just starving. In return, older siblings also benefit from the youngest. You can be really silly again and play with Barbie dolls or Lego, even if they are actually out of this age long ago. Especially between the ages of 12 and 15, when the transition from child to adult begins, it can be incredibly relaxing on the psyche.
In addition, the adults, no matter what sex, see how engaging a baby can be. You'll think twice about how responsibly you treat contraception in your first sexual experience, knowing stinking diapers and hours of baby-crying first-hand.
If the second child is born relatively late, then in the family actually grow two single children. Every child had the full attention and power of the parents, because even if adolescent teenagers can be exhausting, they are not as exhausting as a baby in the first years of life.
That's how the little ones win
For siblings, older siblings have several functions at once: they are play and sparring partners and role models at the same time. Most younger children admire their older siblings and love them idolatrously. They imitate her and there is another close caregiver in her life who can meet her infant needs.
If you want a nest check, you should have the courage and enjoy the late happiness. Include older siblings in the decision and talk together about desires and fears. Then the family gets closer together long before the birth and the latecomer is born into a secure family system in which he can develop undisturbed and loved.
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I came from a family where my oldest brother was 18 years older than me. I always thought of him as a young uncle, rather than a brother. My little dude is 3 years old now and we want to have one more, so their age difference will only be 4. I think that gap will be big when they're young, but as time gets older they will end up closer than I am with my oldest.
By the way, I'm following you now. Great stuff! Check out my kids ebook that I just posted!
feel free to read about my other articles i wrote earlier... the dad-chronicals picking up diffrent headers...
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