Today's @steemiteducation homework assignment asked teachers to share the worst/funniest excuse they have ever heard.
Although I have been on the receiving end of my share of ridiculous excuses since I began teaching nearly twenty years ago, the absolute best one I have ever witnessed took place when I was working at a children's home. This just so happens to be the same children's home I was working at when one of the younger residents famously asked me if I would allow him to throw rocks at people on the beach.
My job as a youth care worker at the home was the greatest job I ever had. It was a blast! My job was to entertain 30 kids ranging from age 5 to 18. Because we had a very limited budget, the staff had to be very creative (cheap) when devising the weekly activity schedule. We always began the day playing sports or games like hide and go seek or kick the can. In the afternoon we did our best to get the kids away from the home for a while.
One of the most economical choices was taking the kids to the "dollar theater" to see Hollywood movies that had finished their regular run in the expensive theaters.
I always found it odd that they gave food such happy expressions... right before telling the audience to buy them and bite their smiling faces right off.
One day, we took all thirty kids to the theater to see a movie (sadly I don't recall which one). Included in this group was Billy. Billy was six years old. He was a great kid with a big heart. He was also completely nuts. Billy was always doing something totally impulsive and usually inappropriate. While Marquel asked if he could "throw rocks at people", Billy would have just done it. There was never a fence Billy didn't climb or a squirrel Billy didn't chase. Even though he couldn't swim very well, Billy would always try to jump off the high dive at the pool. We never let Billy out of our sight.
Back to the theater.
While all the other kids were enthralled with the movie, Billy caught a case of "monkey butt". That is what we called it when kids simply couldn't sit still in their seats. In order to stretch his legs a little bit, Billy asked if he could go to the bathroom. My coworker Dave and I looked at each other. I prepared my rock-paper-scissors hand in order to compete for the privilege of getting to stay in the theater. Instead, Dave said, "Sure. Do you think you can handle it by yourself?"
Billy's face lit up like the Las Vegas Strip.
Then he stopped and thought for a moment. We could tell he was imagining what he could accomplish with his first taste of freedom.
He snapped out of his dream long enough to stare at us, nod his head and whisper, "Yessssss".
All work and no play makes Billy...
As he walked out and the "shushing" subsided, my buddy Dave looked at me and whispered, "Come on. Let's see what he does this time."
Dave and I motioned to our fellow staff members to let them know to keep an eye on everyone else while we investigated.
As Dave and I rounded the corner into the men's washroom, we heard the pitter patter of six year old feet. It sounded like someone was tap-dancing.
Interesting.
Then we saw him.
Billy was located smack dab in the middle of the large bathroom.
He was whistling.
And spinning.
And peeing.
Everywhere.
Yep. Billy was spinning around like a Whirling Dervish marking his territory as he spun.
And boy did he want to claim a lot of territory.
Billy did not notice us until Dave shouted, "Billy, what are you doing?!"
Billy responded with the most ludicrous (and hilarious) excuse I have ever, or will ever hear.
He said, "I fell!"
"You feel from where?!" Dave and I shouted in unison.
"There's nothing to fall from!" I continued.
The wheels in Billy's brain couldn't quite keep up. As his eyes darted around the room desperately searching for an object he could have plausibly fallen from, he blurted out, "From the floor!"
"Billy. You are standing on the floor." I replied.
"How did you fall from the floor... onto the floor. Also, what caused you to spin after you fell? And... YOU WERE PEEING ON EVERYTHING!"
Billy stuck with his story.
Dave and I moved onto more pressing matters and asked the manager for a mop.
Billy learned two valuable lessons that afternoon, not to spin around and pee all over a bathroom (hopefully) and how to use a mop.
I haven't seen Billy in almost 25 years. I truly hoped he also learned how to devise better excuses.
Although... that one could work in many situations:
Why were you late? I fell.
Why isn't your homework done? I fell.
Why haven't you been to my lecture class all semester? I fell.
Why isn't your TPS report complete? I fell.
Why did you cheat on me with that woman? I fell
Well maybe not that last one.
This is absolutely HILARIOUS!!! "I fell", still laughing, you must have been in shock at the sight of Billy peeing everywhere!! :) Thanks for brightening up my day @hanshotfirst :)
My pleasure. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Your write up style is a great encouragement to we newbies. You are my Mentor and hope to learn more from you.
That was surprising when I read it. It must have been an whole another experience to go through it. XD
Upvote me guys
Why the fuck would anyone do that?
I have a Billy. My four year old daughter is my Billy.
"Why is there poop on the bathroom floor?"
"Well I went poopie aaaand I wipped and flushed buuuuut maybe it was just scared of the water?"
"Did you just steal my Gatorade?"
"NOOOO I buyed this!"
"Where?"
"... the store."
"What store?"
"Tops."
"Who took you to Tops?"
"My daddy do-ed."
"Oh really? How much did it cost?"
"... two dollars."
"How much money did Daddy give you?"
"Threeeeeeee dollars?"
"Fine just take it."
"Bambina... you have your own phone where is it?"
"A MONSTER JUST COMED OUT FROM MY BED AND TOOKED IT AND NOW ITS GONE!"
"Theres no monsters d-"
"THERE IS AND IT TOOKED MY PHONE!"
I really hope she gets a teachers like you, with a sense of humor, because if not I'm in for some hell lol
This is really funny. If you turn her quotes into a post, please make sure I see it.
"Scared of the water." I love it!
funny
So funny!
Isn't it amazing how there's always one kid in any group that is super creative and mischievous and he wears that label proudly!
Lol
LOL
OH MY GOD!!! ROFLMAO!!!!
lolllllllll lol hahahahaahahah
That is a damn fine prank, have an upvote!
Love it, must of been an awesome rewarding experience... teaching those kids not the billy peeing part lol.
No that works, it's a classic actually!
I love this
My favorite excuse is "my toaster broke." Because any excuse will do. lol
"Seriously officer, I Fell."
"Sir, that doesn't explain why you were doing 160km/h, naked, in a stolen Bently."
"I fell up?..." Oh Billy😂
LOL
I'm going to use that lol bless him he was having fun haha
He was just trying to get a head start on his career in performance art. Now he's featured at fountains and art galleries all over the world!
Brilliant!
Yes, he's been making quite a splash on the international scene!
Did I ever tell you that I am a teacher for students of special education, too? In Germany though.
I'm always too lazy for an english (foreign...) comment but now I have to: Your short-stories are that kind of realistic- I've got to smile some minutes on... thanks a lot!
P.S.: Don't mind the editing... my auto-prog doesn't like english... 😂
Thank you for taking the time to respond in English. I did not know you were also a special education teacher. At some point, I hope steemiteducation will be able to support posts in many languages.
Thank you for paying attention to my comment. How could I know you would not rate a German note as a very cheezy effort of wasting other users time while I just wanted to let you know that also persons from Atlantic´s other side enjoy reading your writing ;-)
In fact I was thinking to take part at steemiteducation`s contest since there are so many stories to tell. But I guess grammar and spelling would effect a cruel disqualification immediately :D
I better suggest the German community to establish something similar to steemeducation since this is a great project.
Hahahahahaha...😂😂😃😋lawd! Billy must have been a really interesting kid! Imagine falling from the floor unto the floor. The kid is really a clown. Thanks for sharing, i had a good laugh!
LOL! This is horrifyingly hilarious. You are something else, Billy.
@hanshotfirst Brilliant I love it, This post made me smile, thanks for brightening up my day! :-)
I work in a nursery myself and the stories you hear from the little ones are hilarious especially the boys it's so hard to keep a straight face and not burst out laughing!
Cant wait to hear more from you keep up the good work!
Upvoted resteemed and followed!
Peace and Love my friend!
One of the lousy excuses I faced. Morning assembly is a routine for all schools in my country. A boy is always missing or late from morning assembly. When asked why, he would claim that he needed to pass motion as the urge came in the morning. if he was late, he was stuck in the home toilet. If he was missing, he was in the school toilet and he would have his classmates to verify. Teachers don't just teach, we are also like their nagging parents in many ways.
I remember your story about the little boy asking to throw rocks at people! So funny!
Obviously Billy wasn't a dull boy. :D I think we can all use the excuse that we fell from the floor to the floor. It definitely explains why someone would spin around the room and pee everywhere. Oh, my gosh, this story was just hilarious. :)
Thanks! Wow that was an old post. Thanks for remembering it. That is by far one of my favorite stories ever. I wish I had audio of that kid. He was a tiny 5 year old but his voice was so deep and gruff.
It was actually one of the first posts I read when I started posting, and it was hilarious, so it's stayed with me. 😊
That would be so funny if you had a recording of him! I wonder what he's like now!
Billy, Billy, Billy. lol. I fell ..... teaching provides you with the best stories. My husband was a teacher too. I'm shaking my head thinking of the many he'd come home and tell me.
I drove a school bus for special needs kids. Stories abounded there as well.
You have a knack for putting it all together though and I enjoyed this one a lot.
I would like to know what Billy is doing 25 years later too. Does he work in a bathroom, dancing with a mop, twirling?
We called "monkey butt", disco toes.
Well, after all is said and done, maybe Billy will be president of the united states one day. He seems to have similar qualities of unnamed "leaders".
LOL. I think Billy is far more qualified.
I really like "Disco Toes".
I’m going to use that the next time my students ask why I haven’t finished marking their work.
“Sorry kids, I fell.”
That is brilliant!
This is too too funny and something my little brother would have done and said. Sadly he has gone but this reminded me of things he did and the memory of Billy my little brother. Thank you.
I'm sorry for your loss but hope this made you smile a bit.
And it just so happened that her vagina was there and I had morning wood when I fell. lol
LOL. Thank you for saying it. I was going to but I like to keep my posts family friendly. It killed me to leave that out!
Billy reminds me of a couple of students I've had. They were some of the most creative liars and best actors I've ever had the privilege to work with. Sometimes I really did believe that they believed in what they were trying to get across.
That's hilarious! I love your finale Q & A segment! Thanks!
So funny!
hahaha soo funny great
I should remember that excuse if someone asks me why did I cheat on someone, lol.
I fell wahaha.
😂 thanks for sharing
@Hanshotfirst: @akintunde, why are you commenting all over this post?
@akintunde: I fell
@hanshotfirst: But you are standing on the ground
@akintunde: I still fell
Really funny post. Kudos
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I just found myself laughing out so loud..
"Billy why are you peeing everywhere?"
"I fell"
Seriously?
This really brightened my day.
And I'm just remembering all the silly and lame excuses I used to give when I was a child.
Nice post
@hanshotfirst, hahahaha... lol so funny, cute funny story. keep it up , looking forward for more stories
I guess my biggest bet is;
I did it on homework, but I forgot at home. But everyone said it very often and it did not work. :)
Tried that many times. lol
Thanks for sharing this! really funny
Fun with the kids, although sometimes they are naughty. Hehe
It is been a long time I do not read post stories like this in steemit, and you've written an amazing experience, have carved a smile on my face today. I am still waiting for something other "fun" from you @hanshotfirst
Billy was ludicrous and hilarious :D :D I have some experience with hyperactive child and still struggle to make him sit still. But when responsible him for a duty even a trial one, he always the one who in charge voluntarily because he has much energy to spend. Try to prevent these active children with chocolate or high sugar content food would probably help! (I hope)
I wrote everything well but the wicked teacher hates me and chose to fail me 😂😂
I once used this one and it was believed, lol
:))) very funny. Santa Clause always believes you ... Looking for a gift for you :)))
Santa Claus caught in the act
Your blog is really good!
Thanks for sharing it!
Hahahaha nice post!
In every gruop there is always at least one child that leaves an impact simply because of their personalities. This kind of things make the best memories. But what I liked the most in this post is how you tried your best to give something interesting to this children. I think it is very important to have such good teachers because they shape the personalities of these future adults and that is a really important task.
Good story, I cant imagine what I would do if i caught one of the candidates i teach doing that...other than taking them to a medical center. There comes a time in everyone's life where urinating on stuff is no longer funny, but in fact now a crime. That Billy kid though hahahaha.
Thanks for sharing the story. You had quite a few adventures. I have two young nephews and they are always a handful, but sometimes fun.
Thanks look my blog and follow :)
Thanks a lot for sharing.../ i like this funny and funny-story....
i wait your next post, all the best my dear........
very good indeed
Your story is very wonderful dear brother. There is a great lesson in her heart. I wish people to learn from them. Thank you for your report to us. And I tell your story. I wish you success and happiness.
great writing!
hopefully
Teaching is a very sacred profession. And many years of experience and memory. It can be really funny like yours. We have our mark. When I was young, I did not do homework. I used to say that I could not do it while my teacher was working at Market Market. Now I confess that. Actually, I was not working. I hope my teacher does not see this confession. He's too embarrassing to see. Because he pity me and was not angry. @hanshotfirst