So, I was listening to this really nice Romanian song, and I got to thinking about some of the lyrics. They went something like this –
Don't steal – never, nothing, from nobody – these are easy solutions.
So, they're not for you.
And I wondered how do you get someone to actually follow that advice, what quality is underlying to not stealing. And what kind of person this song is talking to – for whom exactly is stealing NOT a solution?
Because it's quite a big problem everywhere you look, even here on Steemit. There's constant plagiarizing, people expecting reward for others' work, folks just posting someone else's meme and wanting to be paid for it.
So what trait prevents you from even considering theft?
Self-respect.
And I figured yes, but how do you teach someone to have that self respect? How do you cultivate that quality in your child? 'Cause it's all very well to tell him to be a decent human being, but I truly doubt it's that easy.
Like pretty much anything, children aren't born with it and their formative years are crucial to the development of self-respect. So what can you do, as a parent, to make sure your child grows up respecting himself?
1. Focus on you.
There's a great concern, in this day and age, to make sure that we teach our children to grow up to be compassionate human beings, who respect others and treat everyone well. And indeed, kindness and sharing and all that are important qualities in a human being.
But sometimes, it's important to teach your kids that it's okay to focus on themselves. And that they should put themselves first, consider their own emotional and physical needs as priorities.
This may seem selfish, but it's really not. Think about it, how else is the kid going to grow up knowing that he matters and his needs and wants are important, too?
A lot of parents seem to think that their child can either be selfish or selfless, that there is no in-between, but there is. Teaching your kid that he is his own priority and that he should always consider his needs first won't turn him into a selfish a-hole later in life. Well, it could, but again, it depends on the kind of parent you are. That matters a great deal.
If you teach him to put himself first and that being a jerk to others is alright, well then, yeah, of course he'll grow up being a selfish brat. Find balance.
Image
Teach them they are allowed to say a very firm 'no' if there's something they don't like about a situation. And that if they feel bad doing or saying something, they should not do it, no matter how much someone else wants them to – including you.
2. Don't teach them love is conditional
I never thought I'd draw life lessons from The Smurfs, yet here we are. In the second movie, there is a line that has stuck in my brain. The estranged father of the main human character, Patrick, tells him
Don't teach that sweet boy that love is conditional.
And that's an excellent advice, I believe, for all parents. You may be proud of your child if they win the spelling-bee, but don't ever show a lack of love if they don't win it.
It's a form of emotional manipulation that adults use frequently on each other, in relationships of all types. And it's a behavior that parents seem to think is okay with children.
Well, the truth is, it's not okay to manipulate anyone, and resorting to their insecurities to do that is just...low.
Your child needs you. Now more than anything. Don't, for a second, push them away or berate them. Sure, you know that you love them regardless, but they don't. Children are very easy to fool, in this regard, and if you act like you don't love them – like you've taken your love away because of something they did – they'll believe you.
Image
And don't doubt their love either. Just like you wouldn't like your love being doubted, they wouldn't, either. Don't say things like 'If you love Mommy, you'll eat your vegetables' or clean your room or whatever. They'll actually believe that. They'll actually think you are doubting their feelings just because they don't want to eat broccoli.
Think about this. If a partner did this to you, as an adult, you would recognize this as an abusive relationship. And if you had enough self respect, you would leave.
Emotional manipulation has no place in any relationship. Don't teach your child different.
Because then, they'll grow up and enter relationships of their own and if they've lived with such manipulation and saw that it was okay from their parents, they'll probably consider it okay when coming from a boyfriend or girlfriend.
3. Respect breeds respect
This brings me to another important point, how you respect yourself. Because as I've said countless times, example is a fantastically powerful teacher.
So, it's very important that you show your child the respect he deserves. And it's also very important that you show him you respect yourself.
Don't allow anyone to act as your superior, not a partner, not a relative – no one. But don't fight to be top dog, either. We are all equals. This is something your child must learn.
You have the same rights as anyone else. And so does he.
4. Take your child seriously
This doesn't just mean don't mock them or whatever. And this is something a lot of adults don't do. So here's some ideas:
Listen. You, as an adult, want other people to listen to what you have to say. From the small things, like telling someone else about your day and how your boss annoyed you to big things like how you feel about your mother's illness.
Children want the same thing. We often dismiss what kids have to say as unimportant – who cares about Minecraft? Well, he does. And for your child, it's just as important as your boss.Empathize. Again, your children have feelings, too. They have fears. Yes, some may seem irrational to you, but not to them. Their fear of boogeymen is just as real as your fear of cancer.
So is their love or anger or sadness.Never put them down. It's rude and lacking respect. And if you don't respect them, why would they?
If you show them their feelings, thoughts and ideas are irrelevant, they will grow up thinking it is so. They will refrain from telling a future partner how they feel, or sharing their ideas with their work team for fear of being ridiculed or treated as unimportant.
Image
Getting back to my initial question – how do you teach a child that stealing is not for them, that they don't need easy solutions?
They know they can do it themselves, that it is below themselves to steal anything from someone else. That they are capable human beings who will figure out a way.
And that comes from self-respect.
I love this post. Thank you for sharing! I have 2 young children and it is difficult raising little human beings but this was really nice to read. I specifically love “Your children have feelings too”. 💜
Thank you :) I'm glad you liked it.
It's all to do with respect @honeydue... respect for one's self, respect for others... including children.
When children are listened to, given the proper attention and input, treated fairly, and as equally as can be.
Children learn by watching others.. parents, adults, peers ( brothers and sisters ).
When they see self respect, integrity, honesty, hard work, communication... when they are open to seeing that, experiencing that, and treated as people, humans beings... that same self respecting parent will more than likely foster a self-respecting and honest child.
Exactly.
I think people often underestimate the power of example...too many parents with questionable morals or qualities who are then surprised that their children are like that, too. But kids pick up on your behavior, it's really quite simple.
Yup... you're right... they 24/7 biological behaviour absorption learning entities.
There's also the issue of learned helplessness.
I love Carol Dweck's work... she does some great work with kids and educators :O)
An important area of development indeed ... you raise some excellent points, particularly unconditional love, and taking children seriously. I say this as a teacher of preschoolers, where these principles should be applied as well.
Yes it all come from self respect!
Great article and nice post...follow me too @arisbuloh...
Congratulations @honeydue! You have completed some achievement on Steemit and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :
Click on any badge to view your own Board of Honor on SteemitBoard.
For more information about SteemitBoard, click here
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOP