BIRTH ORDER|What Makes You "YOU" Base On Your Position In The Family

[lifediaries2nd]

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Have you ever wonder what makes each siblings different with each other and why sometimes you find it difficult to deal with them, specially when you have a large family number? Or if in case you are the only child, what makes you unique from the others? Today, I'm going to share some key points about birth orders for you to have a deeper understanding on how it made an impact in our personality and of course, to understand your position in the family and why "Sibling Rivalry" occurs. Let's start!

BRIEF HISTORY

Birth order refers to the order in which you were born among your siblings. Many believe that the order in which you were born among brothers and sisters influences how you develop. Alfred Adler (1870–1937), an Austrian psychiatrist, and a contemporary of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, was one of the first theorists to suggest that birth order influences personality. He argued that birth order can leave an indelible impression on an individual's style of life, which is one's habitual way of dealing with the tasks of friendship, love, and work.

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IMPACT ON PERSONALITY

Birth order is considered by some researchers and psychologists to be one of the most powerful influences on personality, along with genetics, gender, temperament and parenting styles. By a twist of fate a child is born into a particular spot in the family, and from this position, he will have unique emotional experiences. Each spot in the order has it's advantages and challenges.

Family Size and Age Gap Matters Too

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The size of a family has an impact too. “Explorers,” as the researchers called them tend to hail from larger families. Age and size advantage frequently go hand in hand, so older kids get to boss younger ones around because they’re bigger. Except if you happen to have a slight eldest child or an especially robust middle or youngest. In that case, the power dynamic can flip-flop while the closer the age intervals are between siblings, the more competition there is.

BIRTH ORDERS AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS

The Firstborn Child: The High Achiever

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Firstborns are natural leaders. Taking the lead from their parents, they like taking charge and want everything to be just right. This may also mean they struggle to admit when they are wrong. Typically reliable and conscientious, firstborns are often perfectionists who don't like surprises. Although firstborns are usually aggressive and confident, many are also people pleasers with a strong need for approval from anyone in charge.

Negative Traits:
● May be bossy or a know-it-all
● Are often very organized and prompt
● May be overachievers
● They may behave in a very authoritarian manner, especially towards younger siblings
● May seek attention - in both positive and negative ways
● Often controlling
● May become compliant and nuturing

The Second and Middle Child: The Peacemaker

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Middle-born kids are the most difficult to pin down, because while they are guaranteed to be opposite of their older sibling, that difference can manifest in many ways. Middle kids will usually develop skills and interests different from those shared by the family, and prioritize friends and peer groups since they often feel they do not have a special place within the family. Middle children often feel that they receive the least attention, which can make them insecure and secretive; however, it also makes them more independent, inventive and resourceful. They can usually read people well, and often act as mediators or peacemakers since their “middle” role allows them to see all sides of a situation.

Negative Traits:
● May feel that life is unfair
● May feel unloved or squeezed out by siblings
● May try to differentiate themselves from the eldest sibling through behaviors and interests
● May perceive that the oldest or youngest child are the parents' "favorites"
● May be rebellious
● Engage in attention seeking behaviors
● May be extremely competitive

The Youngest Child: The Outgoing Charmer

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The lastborn or “baby” of the family usually benefits most from the fact that by the time they come around, parents are more comfortable and experienced when it comes to the art of parenting. Lastborns "shoulder less responsibility, so they tend to be more carefree, easygoing, fun-loving, affectionate and sociable, and they like to make people laugh. While lastborns may be charming, they have the potential to be manipulative, spoiled or babied to the point of helplessness. They are also the most financially irresponsible and can turn rebellious, with an “I’ll show them!” attitude, as they tend to view their elder siblings as faster, stronger, bigger and smarter.

Negative Traits:
● Can be very self-centered
● Often feels inferior as if everyone else is bigger and more capable
● Can become bored easily
● Expects others to care for them and take responsibility for them
● Will often ally with the oldest sibling against the middle sibling (if three children)
● Can be equal parts charming and manipulative
● May be very idealistic

The Only Child

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According to Leman, only children are "Super Firstborns" or “firstborns in triplicate.” They share many of the same traits as firstborns and frequently shoulder parents' high expectations. Thus, they tend to be even more responsible and even bigger perfectionists. They also tend to struggle more with criticism. Only children are often confident, well spoken and tend to do well at school. They are also likely to use their imagination more than other children, and usually get along better with people older than themselves.

Negative Traits:
● Can be demanding
● Can be spoiled and self-absorbed
● May feel a sense of "specialness"
● May feel they are being treated unfairly if they don't get their own way
● May be quite sensitive
● Likes being the center of attention
● Will often "divide and conquer" parents in order to get what they want

SIBLING RIVALRY AND WHAT CAUSES IT

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The most difficult part of having siblings when they grow older that cannot be avoided is the rivalry. Below are the main reason why it occurs and some points on how to deal with it when occurs.

1. Jealousy

For example, a toddler or pre-school child is jealous when a new baby is born. The jealousy that an older sibling has for a new baby can, if not addressed properly and swiftly in the early years, can lead to continued jealousy on the part of the older sibling as time goes on. Jealousy can also cause sibling rivalry when a child may feel that they are not getting equal amounts of parental attention.

The solution: Not showing favoritism.

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2. Age Gap

Research suggests that siblings that are within two years’ age of one another tend to have more sibling rivalry than other siblings. Children needs to have his own place in the family system; he needs to know that as he gets older and more responsible there are changes and benefits that come with it. When this isn’t there, there is nothing to aspire to, no path to utilize the increased skills and maturity that the child has attained.

The solution: Providing positive attention and explaining to them their role in the family.

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3. Family Tension

Intense sibling rivalry usually reflects intense marital issues. What happens here is the children are either replicating what the parents are already doing—namely, battling with each other—or are picking up on the tension and acting out in a behavioral way what the parents are doing more subtly yet emotionally.

The solution: Avoid fighting in front of the children and explain to them the reason of misunderstanding, reassuring them grown-ups will work it out.

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4. Lack of Problem Solving

If one sibling constantly feels that his parents ignore his complaints about his sibs messing with his stuff,hel is apt to either give up and get depressed, or take matters into his own hands, intensifying sibling rivalry. Problems needs to be put to rest to keep them from constantly becoming a source of conflict. But often the larger concern is that if problems are not addressed, the child feels ignored, that he is not important, that he has no voice.

The solution: Parents need to step up, hear children, not dismiss them, and take decisive action to solve the problems.

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What about twins? Twins are the special focus of their parents, there’s typically less competition between identical twins. Fraternal twins, however, behave more like other siblings.

BIRTH ORDER AND YOUR FUTURE

Now that you know about birth orders let's see what lies behind it when it comes to your future. Below are some samples and prediction were you can best fit base on your birth order and personality. See picture below.

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Does your position in your family are all cleared now? Do you now understand why your older sibling is acting like bossy or why your youngest sibling owns the world? Whatever your position in the family, always be reminded that what makes you "YOU" is your choice. It's you who build your character and your future. Birth orders may have impact in your personality but does not an excuse on how to deal your daily lives. All of these are just a guidance and being aware of it will give you an advantage as individual. Use it wisely 😉.

All the information in this blog were gathered as per my research, see the following references:

5 Causes of Sibling Rivalry at Home and on the Job
Causes Of Sibling Rivalry
Birth order and personality: Are you true to type?
Birth Order Characteristics
The Birth Order Effect
What Your Birth Order Could Tell You About Your Personality
Birth order: How your position in the family can influence your personality
What Your Birth Order Says About Your Personality

If you have any questions, please feel free to drop your comment and I would be so happy to assist you! 😊😊😊

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Comments

[kuboskeey]

To be candid, you have really hit the nail on its head... I testify to this post as excellent because I was born in a family of a number of children I won't mention here, as we are about to complete a football team😂... Although all the claims here are based on research and not only your intelligence, but they are all simple truth I think the next reader will found interesting... Good job!

[lifediaries2nd]

hahaha thank you! I myself can testify what it likes to be the youngest born ^_^! And I take part also here my experiences towards those people i used to encounter and still encountering in my everyday life!

[nantzjbalayo]

hahaha... no wonder about being a lat born... i am laughing at myself...your article justifies some of my personalities. :)

[lifediaries2nd]

you're the youngest too? hihihihi appear! ^_^

[michellpiala]

‘Twas such a great read! Most of it are on point.

[lhyn]

hehehe wahh aq ma-say hahaha

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