There are many guides out there discussing the topic of how to be a great teacher. One type of guide I couldn't find was one showing teachers how to be horrible at their jobs. Some people are naturally great teachers...others are just plain bad at the job. This guide has compiled tips from the worst educators to help show you all the ways you too can be a horrible teacher.
How To Be A Horrible Teacher: Tips and Tricks To Do Your Worst
Parent Teacher Meetings
If you see a parent at your classroom door, you know they want a parent-teacher meeting! Yikes...to avoid parent teacher meetings quickly hide under your desk or in a storage closet. If you are fast enough hit the lights before hiding. If a parent emails you instead of stopping by all you need to do is click your mouse and send that parent-teacher meeting letter straight to your spam folder!
If you are unlucky and a parent catches you then you have the option of several excuses to reschedule:
"There is a staff meeting at (enter time here) and I need to arrive a few minutes early to help set things up."
"I apologize but I'm the head of the (insert after school club name here). I need to get to get to our meeting for today. I can't leave the kids unattended."
"I'm sorry I'm running detention and I need to take care of my students down the hall."
photo credit pixabay"I'm sorry I have to get to my second job...driving for Uber."
"I apologize but I had a huge burrito for lunch and now I have to drop a few kids off at the pool."
After using your handy excuse give the parents your email to reschedule. Once you receive their email hit the spam button...
Being Late And Keeping Terrible Records
A teacher who is never on time and keeps bad records is both a blessing and curse to students. Many students may enjoy a teacher who is late to class. They spend less time learning and more time talking with their friends. Tardiness allows those students who are late themselves more time to get to class without being caught.
That being said, a regularly late teacher is stealing precious class time from their students. Because they have less time to lecture, students don't learn the material they need. Ignore your conscious though. You need that extra ten minutes of sleep and breakfast biscuit from McDonalds. Your students can wait an extra 10 minutes for class to start so you can take care of yourself.
Keeping terrible records means you as a teacher have more time for leisurely activities. You might want to go out on the lake on your jet ski or hit the bar with your buddies. If you skip entering those grades or keeping track of student attendance you'll have way more time to do the things you love.
Move Students Desks Regularly
Classrooms can be boring. Moving the furniture around mixes things up and gives the room a new look to break up the monotony. Students may feel comfortable when things are consistent but your needs as a teacher are more important. Move your students desks regularly to keep things fresh.
Do you used assigned seating? I'm sure that gets old. Randomly make your students switch seats. If you catch two students talking in class, make them move seats. If a student gets the great seat at the front of the room too long, make them move to the back so a different student can enjoy the privilege of seeing you lecture from the front row.
Dodgeball!!!
If you really want your students to hate you it is time to have them participate in game of dodgeball. Dominant students love the game while shy and meek students fear it. If you've never played dodgeball, this is a game where you separate your students into two teams and they throw rubber balls at one another until they hit a target. Once a person is hit, they are out of the game. The last person standing is the winner.
If you really want your students to resent you, join the game! Start hurling balls at students with your adult body strength. Your students will fear you and you will be the King or Queen or dodgeball!!
Kenny Powers Is A Great Horrible Teacher Role Model
With These Tips You'll Be Rated The Worst Teacher In No Time
Rest assured, by trying your hardest to be a horrible teacher, your rating on ratemyteachers.com will drop lower and lower until you are the lowest ranking teacher at your school. If you are looking to get fired from that teaching job you really didn't want in the first place you will be well on track to ending your teaching career to pursue other endeavors.
Want To Be a Good Teacher?
"There is plenty to learn from a bad teacher: what not to do, how not to be." J.K. Rowling quote
Warning: This post is meant to be humorous. I highly recommend avoiding all of the following behaviors if you value your teaching job and don't want to get fired.
If you want to be a good teacher, it is simple. Avoid doing all of the above. Don't hit your students with rubber balls. Keep good records. Meet with parents. Always be on time.
A good teacher cares about their students first and their own needs last. Parent teacher conferences, timeliness, consistency in teaching methods, and kindness are qualities that positive role models have. If you love being a teacher you probably already know how to show your students you care.
Anyone have any BAD teaching tips to share with the class? Sound off in the comments!
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Your post reminded me of this tweet. All of this stuff would be funny if I didn't see it actually happening so often 😪
Thanks for commenting! I think you hit the point I was thinking of when writing this. This post was meant to be humorous but there are hints of truth behind it to make you think. I've had some bad teachers in my time in college and lower levels of school....ones that keep bad records, are late, rude, time wasters, etc. We laugh at the idea of a bad teacher in the media but in reality bad teachers do a lot of harm.
I would be curious on your thoughts on using steemit for uni students to post on.
https://steemit.com/steemstem/@datascience/using-steemit-with-students-have-you-used-it-in-your-teaching
This reminds me of a Funny Story. One time me and my friend were both working for Domino's Pizza in a ritzy part of town. My friend had never been fired from a job so he decided that he would try to get fired from Domino's Pizza.
This proved to be a Herculean task.
" I don't feel like coming in today or for the rest of this week"
"That's OK.....well we look forward to seeing you next week."
No matter what he did he always got a response like that.
Eventually he just stopped showing up and when he came to get his last paycheck they asked him if he could pick up a shift that night.
Domino's Pizza..... they don't care if you want to work.
I'd like to play devils advocate and suggest that the teacher who works within the system and 'governs' their students 'effectively' through 'monitoring and testing regimes' may actually be doing students more harm that those who cut corners with such things.
It may actually be good for students to have a few slack characters thrown in among all the bureaucrats!
We had many more of those in 1970s-80s when I was in school, and we all turned out great, much less anxious and delicate than the cohorts who came after us, which is the kind of person our education system encourages today.
Of course you can monitor etc. and also be human, but in order to do so I truly believe you have to work 60-70 hours a week and, if you have them, abandon your own children.
I was lucky for the most part and had pretty good teachers, but I do remember one who although he didn't do all of the bad things did throw things at students, generally chalk. but one day a student sitting in front of me said something to set the teacher off, and he threw the chalk board duster thingy and missed the other student and hit me right in the middle of the forehard, same how I caught it and three it back at a great speed while falling backwards off my chair, this I cannot remember but I was told the story many times for my fellow students.
Well both me and the teacher ended up with a few stitches, but the difference is I returned to the school he didnt.
Soryr I totallt went off track in this comment, but this was a good list of what teachers didnt do and for the most part I remember the good teachers I had over any not quite so good
tip!
I was just joking when I wrote the part about throwing things lol. I never expected someone to say a teacher threw something at them before! Glad the guy got fired. Teachers shouldn't be irresponsible and throw objects at their kids. Thanks for sharing the story and the tip!
I agree but your joke triggered the memory which was all but forgotten
Sadly I think this teacher had issues that meant teaching wasn’t the right profession for him
I would like your next post to be titled “How to afford a jet ski on a teacher’s wage”. 😂
I believe the answer to that question is "credit cards." Why pay now when you can skip class and jet ski your heart out until that first bill is due? Take out a new credit card with no interest for one year...sounds like a plan...
Hmmmmm. When I taught Planning 10 (horrible course) we had a financial literacy unit which included credit cards. This seems to be counterproductive to what I advised. That being said, super tempting. While I’m at it I’m going to go to Hawaii during non peak times and take a few sick days. 😉
I am still a student and any teacher who doesn't do "teaching" seriously affects me psychologically too. I think why should I be serious in attending the class or listening to him when he is not serious enough to give me knowledge. So the teachers' behavior has a huge effect on the Students' quest for study.
Thanks for commenting! I agree. The worst teachers I had were stressful to be around as a dedicated student. When I became a teacher I knew exactly what not to do from my experiences with bad teachers. The worst teacher I had made us watch Looks Who's Coming To Dinner over 4 class periods once to get out of teaching and cancelled class all the time...total waste of tuition and fees that class.
Let's say I had mostly good teachers and one bad one.
One of my worst teachers was the geographic teacher, who was always late, always sleepy because of his night parties, always interesting in gossips but in teaching us, forget it :(
Our studying the geography was the books by ourselves, visiting libraries and preparing very hard to the tests which were - you won't believe it, very difficult. I am glad that he was the only one in my life.
Very good post my dear. Thank you
I had a similar teacher in terms of sleepiness. She taught Spanish and was overweight to the point she could barely stand. She use to fall asleep while we did worksheets. She got fired the next year. Needless to say I didn't learn much Spanish that year.
Sadly this is true for some people. Being a teacher is an amazing opportunity to really make a difference in someone's life and some really don't understand that.
Have you ever read My First Censor? It's really old, by Steemit standards. I talk about a few of my old teachers in that one. You may have noticed I tend to take a lot of shots at old teachers and some of things they'd say in my posts from time to time. I'm starting to think I might be holding a grudge. ..and now I'm surrounded by teachers again! LOL
I always loved dodgeball. That game Kenny Powers had his students playing though, IDK about that.
thank for your tips and trick, that so usefull and importent for us as teacher
Oh even after all these decades, I can assure you I had some that followed this advice religiously!