Hi amazing people. Welcome to another episode of my discussion on child abuse. Today I will be dealing with physical abuse. I guess you already have an idea of what I am talking about? But hold on, and let me drive home my opinion. There are conflicting ideas on the subject of flogging a child, especially in this part of the world that I come from.
Let me start by giving an account of the conversation that ensued between a parent of one of my kids and I last Wednesday. For the purpose of this article, let us call her Mrs. Leah and her daughter will be Faith.
[image credits: Pixabay CC0 Creative Commons]
My phone ranged…
Me: hello good evening madam.
Mrs. Leah: good evening Mr. Mike. I just want to talk to you about Faith’s performance at school, and also on the matter of discipline.
Me: go on, I’m listening madam…
Mrs. Leah: I just checked her notebook; it seems she has become too playful nowadays. She scored 3 out of 10 in Mathematics today. I was expecting to see mark (she meant physical mark to show that I flogged her) on her body to show that you dealt with her. She told me you don’t normally beat her. You just encourage them to do their best. You even play with them!
Me: oh. Yes ma I don’t beat them, not any of them. It’s actually child abuse. However, on her performance, I spoke to her about it, and… (Interrupted)
Mrs. Leah: Haaaaaaaa! (She exclaimed). You are ‘spoiling’ these children! How can you not beat them? You even play with them. What kind of teacher are you? When I was in school my teachers… (She went on to explain how her teachers treated and disciplined her, and some days she would go home with physical mark)
Me: ma that does not make it right. I also suffer the same in the hands of some of my teacher. We shouldn’t subject our children to the same abuse. There are better ways of correcting a child. For example, in class we have a chart for rules and consequences. I don’t have to beat them. I teach them to know the right things to do, and take responsibilities for their action.
Mrs. Leah: you are ‘spoiling’ these kids. Even the Bible support flogging a child! Anyways, I have dealt with her mercilessly. I don’t want to spoil my daughter so I will continue to beat her
Bye (as she hanged up the phone). I instantly felt pity for the little girl.
The next day at school, I asked if her mother flogged her. “So many times, there has not been a day she didn’t” she said. Mr. Mike let me tell you something; when I grow up I will arrest my mother. She said these as she walked away with her impeccable smile.
This account is one of many such conversations I do have weekly with parents. They are particularly not happy that I don’t flog my kids.
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My job is a very difficult one (smiles). I teach in a community where most of the parents are illiterates. Preaching to them about child abuse is like trying to fill a big drum with water using the cork of a soft-drink.
Why do I drag Christianity into this post? I actually didn’t, Mrs. Leah did!
To set the record straight, I am a Christian but I refuse to be religious. I guess that is a discussion for another day.
The Bible says:
You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
Many are very quick to quote the part of the Bible that says:
“madness is in the heart of a child, but with rod you drive it out.”
I particularly doubt the correctness of this interpretation. Especially the Yoruba language interpretation of this verse. I am not in any way insinuating that God is not perfect, but it lies in our limit of humanity to accurately interpret God's instruction.
I don’t want to force my opinion down your throat without reasoning. After all we are reasoning being.
Let us compare and contrast that statement with another verse of the Bible:
… Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me…
God’s rod and staff bring us comfort? Where is the sense in that? First, a rod is supposed to bring you pain.
I really have not seen or heard that God came down to flog someone for misbehavior… (You can tell me if you have)
What God did was to set rules and consequences. Then when we sin, we are already aware of the consequence. He then comforts us with His rod and staff when we cry to Him.
You see, my point is, physical abuse has not backing of the bible. Some of our preachers in their myopic minds have misinterpreted the stance of God on the subject. God expect us to follow in His example in making the rules and consequences clear. He didn’t expect us to start beating human beings, no matter how young like goats!
Final note
[image credits: Pixabay CC0 Creative Commons]
Think about this, do you think it is right to subject children to physical and emotional pain? If you still remember the way your parents or teaching flogged you, don’t you think you might be having emotional trauma that is why you feel the need to also flog a child the same way? You are subjecting that child to the same trauma you went through. Do not for any reason hit a child, either mild or otherwise.
Flogging a child is never cool. It is both child abuse and criminal!
Worldwide, there is a lot of sensitization going on about child’s right and stopping all forms of abuses. If we stop these abuses one by one, we would eventually have a world where children ar not treated as lesser human. It is possible, and it’s in our hands.
Come, let us reason together…
I will be talking more on child abuses with practical examples in subsequent posts. Please stayed tuned as I discuss these abuses in fine details and state ways by which a child, and even adults alike can prevent these abuses from happening.
I've been a parent. I believe in spanking a child with your hand as a necessary tool of child discipline. But it's not the only tool. You shouldn't strike a child simply because you're angry or frustrated.
I believe that striking the child with anything else is child abuse. So is leaving marks or bruises on the child. What do you gain when you use a stick to beat them with that you can't accomplish by hitting them three times on the butt with your hand?
You really need to know your child and know what corrects them. I believe in spanking when they're defiant or when they continue to immediately disobey. Sometimes the child isn't happy until they're shown what the limits are.
Some children are very sensitive. Just hearing the anger in your voice crushes them. It serves no purpose to be brutal in their punishment. Making them stand in the corner for a couple of minutes is more than enough for them. Usually girls are the sensitive ones but sometimes boys are too. You need to know your child well enough that you're not using more correction than necessary.
It's also wrong to yell and scream at your child. To call them names. To verbally abuse them. You're the parent. You shouldn't have to yell, scream, or threaten. I tried to keep a calm voice and be police. If you expect the child to be polite you need to be polite to them. You need to teach them that there will be immediate consequences to their slow compliance as well as their misbehavior.
I use a lot of methods in my class to enforce rules and consequences. You are right by pointing out the peculiarity in dealing with different children. Some children will not even be moved if you deprive them of some privileges as a consequence for their action. I have a case of a girl like that in my class. However I noticed she doesn't like it when her name is being mentioned openly in the class as a rule breaker. So anytime I tell her I will mention her name in the class and tell them she broke a rule, she would adjust.