Absolutely! In fact they are on their way, however, I have sent them by special carrier and the instructions for proper receipt are quite specific so please pay close attention. Be sure to read through all instructions before you begin.
First you will need a reusable grocery bag. No paper. No plastic. In the bag place one fresh apple, red delicious. Now set the bag aside and charge your cellphone to full. When you phone is charged take it and the bag with the apple outside and stand next to your mailbox. It is most important that this is done before the mail carrier arrives for the day.
Wait.
When the mail carrier arrives greet him/her with the usual pleasantries. After he delivers the mail into the mail box (do not take the mail from him and offer no reason why) stop him and ask him if he wouldn't mind holding your apple for just a sec. Take the apple out of the bag and hand it to him. When he takes the apple from you disrobe completely, place the clothes in the bag, hand him the bag and take the apple back, take a bite to the apple but leave the whole apple in your mouth, use your phone to cover your...parts and gesture to the mail carrier a "good day" (slight bow and tip of the "hat").
Wait.
Do not leave the mailbox.
Keep waiting.
I'm sure the special delivery will be there any time now.
As long as you stay right there.
Any.
Time.
Now.
:)
Well... my postal carrier came by today. I followed the instructions to the T. To describe my postal carrier as shocked would be a bit of an understatement, but then something must have clicked, as his expression changed while holding the apple and watching me Disrobe.
He gave a bit of a head shake... sort of like the people in The Matrix before one of the Agents took over their body... you know, that brief moment of resistance before a more powerful force took over. Except that there was no complete take over of the body, just a quick flick of the head and then the eyes grew more knowing.
Tossing the apple back to me the carrier began to speak in gibberish. I say gibberish, but really it was some sort of ancient forgotten language. Obviously this was a ritualistic chant.
There I stood, poised, dressed like a pig ready for the roast, complete with apple in mouth. A sacrifice to whatever deity it was who controlled the Silver Bullet/Silver Shield. Long moments passed, and I am sure I caught a glimpse of the neighbor peeking out at me through pushed down blinds across the street wondering what it was all about.
After what seemed like an eternity, but was probably less than thirty seconds, the chanting came to a completion. The mail carrier looked me in the eye and instructed me thusly:
"You must repeat the ritual of silver summons on the morrow. But not here. This place is not safe for the distribution of prized rewards. Report you to the office of the post. There you shall stand next to a box of blue. Observe ye the ritual times of pick up listed on the receptacle. On the hour of the fourth ritual, you will repeat today's instructions for the carrier who doth appear. Then and only then shall your reward be distributed."
With another shake of the head, the eyes of the postal carrier glazed over. He turned back into his truck and drove to the next house without another word. As he distributed the mail to that address, he glanced back in my direction, did a double take at seeing a fully nude man standing next to the mail box, and promptly ignored me and carried on about his business.
I guess I will be spending my morning at the post office tomorrow....
Absolutely! In fact they are on their way, however, I have sent them by special carrier and the instructions for proper receipt are quite specific so please pay close attention. Be sure to read through all instructions before you begin.
First you will need a reusable grocery bag. No paper. No plastic. In the bag place one fresh apple, red delicious. Now set the bag aside and charge your cellphone to full. When you phone is charged take it and the bag with the apple outside and stand next to your mailbox.
It is most important that this is done before the mail carrier arrives for the day.
Wait.
When the mail carrier arrives greet him/her with the usual pleasantries. After he delivers the mail into the mail box (do not take the mail from him and offer no reason why) stop him and ask him if he wouldn't mind holding your apple for just a sec. Take the apple out of the bag and hand it to him. When he takes the apple from you disrobe completely, place the clothes in the bag, hand him the bag and take the apple back, take a bite to the apple but leave the whole apple in your mouth, use your phone to cover your...parts and gesture to the mail carrier a "good day" (slight bow and tip of the "hat").
Wait.
Do not leave the mailbox.
Keep waiting.
I'm sure the special delivery will be there any time now.
As long as you stay right there.
Any.
Time.
Now.
:)
Sounds plausible. I'll give it a try!
Just checking in....
:o
Well... my postal carrier came by today. I followed the instructions to the T. To describe my postal carrier as shocked would be a bit of an understatement, but then something must have clicked, as his expression changed while holding the apple and watching me Disrobe.
He gave a bit of a head shake... sort of like the people in The Matrix before one of the Agents took over their body... you know, that brief moment of resistance before a more powerful force took over. Except that there was no complete take over of the body, just a quick flick of the head and then the eyes grew more knowing.
Tossing the apple back to me the carrier began to speak in gibberish. I say gibberish, but really it was some sort of ancient forgotten language. Obviously this was a ritualistic chant.
There I stood, poised, dressed like a pig ready for the roast, complete with apple in mouth. A sacrifice to whatever deity it was who controlled the Silver Bullet/Silver Shield. Long moments passed, and I am sure I caught a glimpse of the neighbor peeking out at me through pushed down blinds across the street wondering what it was all about.
After what seemed like an eternity, but was probably less than thirty seconds, the chanting came to a completion. The mail carrier looked me in the eye and instructed me thusly:
"You must repeat the ritual of silver summons on the morrow. But not here. This place is not safe for the distribution of prized rewards. Report you to the office of the post. There you shall stand next to a box of blue. Observe ye the ritual times of pick up listed on the receptacle. On the hour of the fourth ritual, you will repeat today's instructions for the carrier who doth appear. Then and only then shall your reward be distributed."
With another shake of the head, the eyes of the postal carrier glazed over. He turned back into his truck and drove to the next house without another word. As he distributed the mail to that address, he glanced back in my direction, did a double take at seeing a fully nude man standing next to the mail box, and promptly ignored me and carried on about his business.
I guess I will be spending my morning at the post office tomorrow....
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Thanks @dfinney! That means a lot.