My day starts out early. I am thieved away from my dreams by the chirping of my Samsung s8. I would probably fall back asleep if it were not for my cats anxiously poking and prodding me. I am their humble servant as they wait for me to pry open their can of food.
I sip on some dark roast black coffee and meditate for about a half hour before I get in the shower, get dressed, kiss my girlfriend goodbye and head out to work. I step outside and breath in the crisp Pennsylvania air, look up at millions of starts and its good to be alive. It takes a little while for the frost to dissolve from my windshield and I pull out of the driveway onto the road. The darkness permeates everything and I watch out for Deer.
It's about 6:20 am as I cruise down rt78. The sky is a giant painting. Blues, browns, and purples all blended together in an imaginary jar of sand art. A faint orange glow starting to rise from the east. The radio is cranking "Soulshine" by the Allman Brothers as I am singing along.
Talking about soulshine, better than sunshine, better than moonshine, Damn sure better than rain
Life didn't have to be this good. Thirty years ago I tried to take my own life. I had problems that I was just not willing to face. I tried drugs to hide the pain but when they stopped working the pain was unbearable. I had secrets that could never be spoken aloud. I struggled with that pain and lived in misery for the next 25 years. I took victims and hostages. My misery loved company. The colossal weight of shame, guilt and resentment drove me to my knees.
I finally gave up about 5 years ago. I surrendered and made a decision to do life differently. I made a decision to be personally responsible. I made a choice to look for solutions in order to solve my problems instead of avoiding them. I made a decision to no longer be a victim and give others power over me. I risked it all and got vulnerable and let others get to know me as I got to know myself. I shared my deepest darkest secrets, the ones I swore would never touch my lips. I learned how to forgive others and in turn, was able to forgive myself. When I started this new journey I wanted a lot of things, most of all, to be happy.
I never did get any of those things that I wanted, but what I did get was so much more valuable. I found joy in owning and solving my own problems. I made deep connections with people. I stopped being selfish and learned to be selfless. I lost the need to control everyone and everything around me. I developed a practice of gratitude. I discover what it was to have faith and the courage to follow that faith. The best thing that I have found was, myself.
I would gladly give all I have to others that are suffering. I know these people. We are alike. They don't know yet, that there is another way. The best I can do is to share my strength, hope, and experience. We are all on the same journey, just on different parts of the path.
So many people struggle through life and never ends up deciding what's truly better for them. Glad you found your way, life is a journey.
thank you for sharing such a personal experience. Sometimes putting it out there the way you did in this post will not only help you in the healing process, but it may help someone reading this that you have never met.
That is a powerful story. I am so glad you not only made it but area thriving rather than just surviving. That personal responsibility is the key isn't it?
so beautiful
Such an inspiring post! Thank you for sharing your journey! It takes work to make life wonderful, and you have obviously done the work!
Hi @sostrin! I am really very impressed by your enlightening post and you. You're a very beauitiful, kind, divine soul and you are shining like a star from your selfless nature. ☺ I am very glad that you choosed the path of surrender instead of giving-up.
There is a blessing of more life surrounding you now.
Let it settle, let it implement. You don't have much to do, you see. In the space of being present, what's meant to find you always does.
It's space of being the empty vessel. You just let life happen through you ~ yet life still happens beautifully. ☺💚🌟
I have recently been pulling myself out of the same ; i have started my own business a while back, while i dont have any income to speak of, ive been working with a pay it forward system .
I have helped a few people start building their own online empire, and earn money in their spare time ; some have been doing youtube and streaming video games, a few have started looking for affiliate marketing programs, and my most previous client is writing her second book about spiritual practices, while the first one is being typed up and almost ready to be published .
I feel like i have been helping as many people as i possibly and im still looking to help more people !
The picture with the tree it is great 😃
Thanks for sharing. I'm sure there are a lot of people here on Steemit that will be able to use your help.
Do you think I would get weird looks if I would have walked into there and taken the same picutes?
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Sunset beautiful
There you go and make me love you more! Your story sounds similar in ways to mine. I've only opened up about it to a few people but have thought of posting about it but I don't feel ready yet. Thank you for sharing your story @sostrin. You are definitely a Kindred Spirit! XOXO
Thanks for the inspirational post, life have both dark and bright phase and you explored both and also life have plan for you to spread the message that darkness will lead you nowhere, choose the bright path spread love and spread kindness. And this post is witnessing that you are guiding others to lead towards the bright path.
Have a great day.
This is really well written and hopefully will touch others that are suffering. I'm glad you found your way. Your story is an inspiration to me and I'm sure to many others. One thing I have learned in my too many years on this planet is to take ownership of my good and bad traits. Well done.
A post full of emotion and hope very inspirational, and I am sure it will be inspiring by many that read it including me,
Thanks for sharing this with us and may your strength you have found help others to find strength and the right path
Thank you for sharing this @sostrin, I loved reading about your story and your life, glad that your life is really good. Puts a smile on my face. You set a tone for this story which permeates peace and tranquility. So many of us need that and can get that in this post when we take a moment out of busyness and just read....I heart this post.
Really emotional story and well written.
It's brave to open up like that and I'm sure this will be a big help for many people.
Thank you for sharing.
It's crazy how much beauty can hit us once we're open to it.
I'm so glad that you could get out of the dump and take full responsibility for your life!
Greetings from Croatia!
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Great message... Keep up with good (Life) work ;)