Reading your post, I imagined how difficult it must have been for you, but strangely enough, I could relate because even though I've never served in the armed forces, I'm investigating a possible diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. The brain of a person with borderline functions differently, just like that of a person with post-traumatic stress disorder. In the case of someone with borderline, it's the prefrontal cortex that doesn't function as it should, causing the person to always be on alert, fearful, and stressed. It's very difficult to control something like that and to come to terms with the fact that it's physiological and completely takes away your self-control. I've always seen life from a very intense perspective and believed it was the right way to see things, that I was always right. Today, I know that I can't fully trust my own perspective, and therapy has helped me with that. However, I'm still only at the beginning of the journey.
I don’t know that our conditions are are bad or wrong. I know now it’s different than the norm. That’s it. I hope that your journey takes you to a better place. I imagine that I’ll definitely get there for myself and my family despite any hiccups along the way.
Thank you very much for your kind words. You deserve the best in life and health.