Some 8years ago, I started looking at pornography pictures. I shall give a detailed story of how it all began.
At the time of reference I was a high school student (secondary school as is called in my country). Students always had a way to get the latest free browsing tweak. The implication was I always had assess to internet for which I did not pay for. Not knowing what to do with the undeserved access, I started trying out many sort of things, both good and bad. I remember vividly my first attempt with pornography: It is now common to refer to a lady's genital as 'Pussy'. At the time of reference, it was only rich kids who had access to foreign TV stations that knew such words. I was curious if this word actually existed. Therefore, I google it and boom what I saw was unfit for my innocent eyes. I must have closed it then in a hurry, but the seed was already sown. Days later I visited the website, still not fit. Kept visiting till my innocence was worn out. The fear I had was been caught by a family member while looking at such pictures.
I shall pause here to tell you about my father. Though late now, I still remember all the times we had spent together like it was yesterday. He is such a disciplinarian. He believes in the Biblical teaching that says "madness is in the heart of a kid, with cane it is chased out". He really used cane on his children. We had seen him as a monster those days. Upon his return everyone becomes gentle. As I grew older, I appreciated his discipline. He indeed loved his children and the best way he knew to protect us was by being tough.
You can imagine he caught me one day glancing at naked girls on my phone... I am done for that day. And that was my greatest fear. Luckily for me I was never caught.
I got company
I grew up with a close family. They had two boys. The two boys were my age mate. So we were like 3 best friends. The older of the boys was quite wilder than we were. He had seen countless pornography at an early age. He also had experience with girls. I cannot remember who told who about pornography, all I remember was each of us knew the other knew about pornography. As boys we were not ashamed to talk to each other about it. We got videos from friends and watched together. Fortunately we were all straight...lol! That was usually the best part of the day as we lay on the bed to watch the latest video we got. This became like a ritual and we didn't know it was forming a neural pathway in our brain.
Insulting God.
We always had pornography videos on our phones, yet no one can find it in there. We learnt to hide folders and files on Java phones. But one day after a football match with the neighbors in a church compound. We decided to rest in the open church before heading back home. As we sat there exhausted, one of the guys who was also culprit dung out the videos. Right there in the church we all watched sections of sex actions. I wasn't happy as I still feared God. Not from love but from punishment point of view. I was afraid he could strike us all dead like the children that mocked Elisha were eaten by lions. No lions, no thunder, God allowed us to live but I carried this guilt for many years after.
Advertising Pornography-- Introducing Friends to Pornography
Why am I telling my life story?
As I grew older and understood pornography is a shameful thing especially among Christian, I struggled to stop it. It wasn't an easy fight, and I still battle everyday. At first, I thought I was alone in this battle, only to realize countless number of my friends were facing similar problem but no one was talking about it. This is my inspiration to write my story on Steemit. I may be able to help someone out there who is giving up on fighting.
If you have similar experience and wish to share with the world, write about it, I shall do well to comment and resteem also. But if you do not want to do so on your blog, that is why Addictionblog exist. Send your story to us on Steemitchat. You can be sure your identity is secure.
Together we can beat our weakness!
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Thanks for sharing your story. I think there are many, many more people that are addicted to pornography, but because of the embarrassing nature of it few deal with it and even less admit it to themselves. I believe that it is probably an epidemic. Taking the first step is admitting to yourself that you have a problem and that's where I am now.
Glad you found my post. you are right, identifying the problem is the initial step to gaining freedom.