Once upon a time there was a rude girl called Wenna Thornhill. She was on the way to see her Maureen Cockle, when she decided to take a short cut through Kensington Gardens.
It wasn't long before Wenna got lost. She looked around, but all she could see were trees. Nervously, she felt into her bag for her favourite toy, Bunny, but Bunny was nowhere to be found! Wenna began to panic. She felt sure she had packed Bunny. To make matters worse, she was starting to feel hungry.
Unexpectedly, she saw a cruel toad dressed in a pink jacket disappearing into the trees.
"How odd!" thought Wenna.
For the want of anything better to do, she decided to follow the peculiarly dressed toad. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.
Eventually, Wenna reached a clearing. She found herself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from peas, a house made from cupcakes, a house made from lollipops and a house made from chips.
Wenna could feel her tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease her hunger.
"Hello!" she called. "Is anybody there?"
Nobody replied.
Wenna looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.
A cackle broke through the air, giving Wenna a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Bunny!
"Bunny!" shouted Wenna. She turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"
The witch just shrugged.
"Give Bunny back!" cried Wenna.
"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.
"At least let Bunny out of that cage!"
Before she could reply, three cruel toads rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Wenna recognised the one in the pink jacket that she'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.
"Hello Big Toad," said the witch.
"Good morning." The toad noticed Bunny. "Who is this?"
"That's Bunny," explained the witch.
"Ooh! Bunny would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the toad.
The witch shook her head. "Bunny is staying with me."
"Um... Excuse me..." Wenna interrupted. "Bunny lives with me! And not in a cage!"
Big Toad ignored her. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.
The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."
Big Toad looked at the house made from chips and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from chips if I wanted to."
"That's nothing," said the next toad. "I could eat two houses."
"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Bunny."
Wenna watched, feeling very worried. She didn't want the witch to give Bunny to Big Toad. She didn't think Bunny would like living with a cruel toad, away from her house and all her other toys.
The other two toads watched while Big Toad put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Toad. "Just you watch!"
Big Toad pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from cupcakes. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
Eventually, Big Toad started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of cupcakes, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.
"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Toad.
Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!
"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.
Big Toad never finished eating the front door made from cupcakes and Bunny remained trapped in the witch's cage.
Average Toad stepped up, and approached the house made from lollipops.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Toad. "Just you watch!"
Average Toad pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from lollipops. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
After a while, Average Toad started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...
...and greener.
A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.
"I'm not a bush, I'm a toad!" said Average Toad.
"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."
"No! Wait!" cried Average Toad, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the toad away under his arm.
Average Toad never finished eating the front door made from lollipops and Bunny remained trapped in the witch's cage.
Little Toad stepped up, and approached the house made from chips.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Toad. "Just you watch!"
Little Toad pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from chips. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
After five or six platefuls, Little Toad started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.
He stopped eating chips for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.
But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Toad into the sky.
"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Toad. "I'm scared of heigh..."
Little Toad was never seen again.
Little Toad never finished eating the front door made from chips and Bunny remained trapped in the witch's cage.
"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Bunny."
"Not so fast," said Wenna. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from peas. And I haven't had a turn yet.
"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."
The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give her a chance. It's only fair."
"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the toads. She won't last long."
"I'll be right back," said Wenna.
"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted Bunny back."
Wenna ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. She came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, she broke off a piece of the door of the house made from peas and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, she took a bite. She quickly devoured the whole piece.
Wenna sat down on a nearby log.
"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."
"I haven't finished," explained Wenna. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."
When Wenna's food had digested, she broke off another piece of the door made from peas. Once more, she toasted her food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. She ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.
Eventually, after several sittings, Wenna was down to the final piece of the door made from peas. Carefully, she toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. She finished her final course. Wenna had eaten the entire front door of the house made from peas.
The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"
"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little girl won fair and square. Now hand over Bunny or I will chop your broomstick in half."
The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.
Wenna hurried over and grabbed Bunny, checking that her favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, Bunny was unharmed.
Wenna thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Maureen. It was starting to get dark.
When Wenna got to Maureen's house, her threw her arms around her.
"I was so worried!" cried Maureen. "You are very late."
As Wenna described her day, she could tell that Maureen didn't believe her. So she grabbed a napkin from her pocket.
"What's that?" asked Maureen.
Wenna unwrapped a doorknob made from cupcakes. "Pudding!" she said.
Maureen almost fell off her chair.