He is ideal, and it offends me that I'm so stupid

In fact, this is a story that at the moment has no end, maybe it will end only when!

It was in the ninth grade. I really liked my classmate, these courtships and molestations are known to every girl, of course at first I did not have any pleasure from it, but over time his perseverance and perseverance conquered me and I would now agree to his offer to be a couple.

There was a graduate of the 9th class on July 15, summer, umm, of course he and his company and he drank, accidentally we met and decided to stay some time together with my company and I with it. Then he wanted to kiss me confessing his love, not quite sober head, it really enraged me and I sent him. I agree I made a mistake and offended him, strongly. A man confessed to me in love and I roughly rejected it. From the moment I realized this, I told myself that as soon as he asked me to meet with meditation, I would still agree. So the summer passed, during this time we did not meet once, and did not communicate on the phone and in social networks. And when I heard his name, I always shuddered, even now.

Our old class was disbanded and we got together in another, there were beautiful girls and of course he began to pay attention to his (our) new classmate. She is small, slightly overweight, not so smart, but she has a taste for clothes, she is beautiful, well, with the forms of course. When I saw him on September 1, something was pulled inside, not even convey in words how it was. I watched him for a year, and she was happy about it from him, but she was from him only because she had a beloved person, although there were moments when they hugged, so tenderly that I was disgusted to look.

Confess to him ?! No way. Thought: "Taaa, that there a couple of months and will pass." Fear that he will respond in kind.

I have a best friend, and he is just friends with him, he knows everything about him, though, so it's a little easier for me that I know the truth and do not listen to gossip. Yes, he really loved her. I know that now she does not care about him, although everything equally, confident of the feeling for her he left. It was different because he found out what kind of bitch she was, and said that he was such an idiot when he liked him. And my feelings are still inside me. I could not even imagine that it hurt so much.

But I do not admit to him, I know what a fool, but no, I will not tell. If fate, then I will understand, and then I will understand, but now I do not, I can not. Still the matter is that he has grown so much since that time, the perfect physique, with the press, pumped up by hands and back, is ideal for all the girls, he madly got prettier. A blonde with gray-blue eyes. Ideal, and I'm sorry that I'm so stupid.