Serenity and Lucid Dreams

It starts with a dream.

She woke up sweating, as if she did a rigorous workout in her sleep. She turned on her bedside lamp, the quaint little one she've had since forever. She is particularly fond of this lamp. Looking at the intricate etchings on its hard scallop-bell shade, its once whiteness now turned to a delicate off-white, the slim copper body, never fails to bring back memories. You see this lamp has seen many a nights of laughters and tears. The lamp has been witness to countless Gradma Nessy's stories of love, life and fantasy told to herself and her sister Hope. It has been a companion on her teenage whims, and had stood guard during her adult struggles. The lamp makes her smile.

She quickly turned her thoughts back to the dream. Third night in a row she saw him. In dreamland that is. It is quite confusing really, dreaming of an angel who's looks blew her away.

And it is of an angel she dreams of. Angel in the literal sense. The man, who looked like a greek-god incarnate, has marvelous wings, huge, white wings that seems to have been drizzled with specks of gold and silver. His long, wavy hair she kinda envies, as it appears to always have a wind blowing it away from his face. He is muscular, but not bulky, more of slim, toned muscles. His face is in stark contrast from his wings- he is as handsome as the devil, chiseled face, tall proud nose, piercing black eyes that seem to have a darness in them.

Yet she feels him to be an angel.

It is always the same dream but at the same time, never quite identical. In the dream she is weeping, though always she could not source the reason for her tears. The setting is different every time, the first one in a church. She was kneeling on the aisle of this small church she does not recognize, and was sobbing uncontrollably. He seem to have come from the altar area, and walked towards her, with a faint light behind him, the same faint light that seem to follow him around. He took her hand and had her stand up. Wordlessly, he wiped away her tears and gave her a tight embrace. This seem to comfort her, a sense of peace immediately follows. In the dream she closes her eyes.

And then wakes up. This always is the pattern.

The second dream was in a library. This one she knows, as it is her favorite one, the old city library that hosts thousands of books she've had her nose on throughout the years.

The library is in the heart of the city, but this area has an old-city feel. The 100-plus year old structures had been preserved, and being in this section of the city is like a journey back in time, where streets are cobbled, the houses and buildings are made of either wood or stones- both old, and the sidewalk bare of the many sellers you see all over the city.

Her second dream opens with her returning a book on one of the many shelves at the back of the library. She then starts to walk towards the heavy mahogany doors, on her way to exit the building. As soon as she steps out, she cries uncontrollably.

The angel then approaches, his right arm outstretched as if prompting her to come to him. He was coming from the stairs below, again bringing with him his light. Her tears continuously falls down, yet her feet takes her to meet him half-way. He wordlessly takes her hand, and as soon as he does so, a feeling of calmness envelopes her entire being.

Looking up towards the sky, she closes her eyes for a minute and smiles.

And she wakes up.

Today, she had a similar but somewhat different a dream.

She was on a hospital bed. Everything around her is pristine white, as white as the loose hospital gown she is wearing. Everything is all too clean, as clean as the prominent smell of alcohol.

Everything is clean, except for the blood she sees running through her legs.

Curious that she doesn't feel any sort of panic. She felt numbness, actually, like it is something she have gone to expect. She stares intensely on the path the crimson liquid takes, and is mesmerized.

She felt a hand on her left shoulder. Looking up, she sees him. Today is the first time she actually sees him crying instead. She doesn't hear a sound, only sees the tears fall freely on his handsome face.

She reaches out to wipe his tears but he held her hand back.

And then he began to speak.

His was a memorable voice, a deep, melodic voice that instantly wraps her with an emotion best described by her name.

"Serenity," he says, speaking my name for the first time. "My sweet, sweet Serenity. Please take outmost caution my dear girl. And I fervently hope that should the time come, a right choice is made this time".

He then let go of me and walked away. And I started to cry my heart out. I was crying so hard that the bed rocked. Shaking, I looked at my legs and the blood is gone, not a drop remains.

I close my eyes for a minute, and when I woke up, I find myself looking at my little lamp.

A week had passed with my nights being practically dreamless. Or it feels like it, as i don't remember it, had any came.

Today I had to work extra late, it is that time of the year again where the office is extremely busy. And so I was practically running trying to catch the last bus for the day. I knew of a off-road shortcut, if I pass through it I'd definitely be in time for the bus.

I decided to take that path, and headed to a living nightmare.

There were two of them. As soon as I saw them, I knew I was in trouble. They were just too strong for me to overcome. Still, I fought back with all my might.

And lost. Helplessly, I blanked out and allowed the darkness consume me.

I woke up in a hospital bed. The nurse said she'll be back in a minute so I could see him. 9 hours I've waited, 9 painful hours of labor, yet I can't seem to wait five more minutes to see him.

The nurse finally went back, with my bundle of joy on her arm. She handed over my little prince whom I've decided to call Phoenix.

Many were surprised to learn that I wanted to keep him. That fateful night was, and always will be my worst night, yet it also has brought me this little angel, whom I've loved from the moment I knew of his existence. There was never any doubt that I'd be keeping him.

I slept with contentment.

I immediately knew it was a dream.

He walked toward me, my guardian angel. He seemed different today, I can't quite pinpoint the change though. He somehow looks lighter, as though all his worries left his being.

He walked towards me, who was lying on a bed, a different hospital bed this time. I remember this bed all too well. I remember this room. I remember every minute I spent in this room 8 years ago when I was at a young age of nineteen.

"Serenity," he calls my name with a smile.
"You don't know how happy it makes me to see your heart be joyful at last. Be peaceful. Content and serene."

"You would have called me Matthew, named after granpa Matt. You would have sent me to the same school you and aunt Hope went to, and I'd be assigned the same locker as yours. You would have shown me how to tie my shoelaces, ride a bike, cook. You would have loved making me cookies."

"You would have loved me dearly and would have been proud, seeing me grow up to be a good man."

"You would have loved me dearly, as you do now, had you chose to keep me then."

"I forgive you, mother, for not having the courage to face the world with me. I understand that it was a very difficult decision for you to make. It only saddens me throughout these years that you have not forgiven yourself."

"And so I ask this of you- take comfort to the thought that I am well, and shall be watching over you and little Phoenix for always. You have been given another gift, shower him with all the love you would have given me. Let go of the worries of the past, mother, and live freely."

I was weeping by now, and of course he took me in his arms, giving me the warmest hug there is.

"I love you son, forgive me," I whispered.

And I wake up from the last dream he was with me.

I look at my lamp and see the same faint light he is always surrounded with.

I am at peace.

Image sources: 1, 2

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