REGRET

Zoran and I have been friends since childhood. From living the same street and attending same church and school, to visiting eachothers homes. Our friendship blossomed from early years to teens and then adulthood. People often confused what we had but in our hearts we knew what we were and stuck to it.

When i turned 24, Zoran travelled out pf the country and the distance took its toll on our friendship. Eventually, we lost contact and although I missed him and tried to reach him, it seemed like he fell off the face of the earth. i carried on with my life, God and fate smiled on me. I dated and married the best man in the world at the age of 26, he adored my children and I. We are blessed with twin daughters.

Few days after my 36th birthday, I got out the elevator of the Le Gardia Hotel were I had gone for a meeting with a client and there he stood. For a few minutes, I was numb and crippled. I suddenly forgot how to walk. He had a broad smile and was grinning from ear to ear. I could not believe i stood in front of Zoran. A lot had really changed. He had changed...
That day ushered in a downward spiral. We hung out often, I spent hours on the phone chatting and texting and this took me further away from my marriage.
My husband noticed the distance and each time he made to have a conversation with me, i shut him out. I was gradually loosing my marriage to this new found friendship. The friendship between us grew into a relationship. Slowly i was going neck deep into it. Although, we never had sex, i violated my marriage on every other path. My husband grew tired of trying to have a conversation with the 'new' me and focused on life and the children.

Exactly a year after Zoran reappeared, I was walking down to my car when a woman accosted me. With her was a girl about 16 years old. The 16 year old i later found out was a love child of my husband. Apparently the woman and my husband had dated long before he met me, she got pregnant and was focused to leave the country without seeing or saying anything about the pregnancy to my husband. She had not contacted my husband since then and only returned because the child was grown enough to know her father.
My husband finally got to meet the child and her mother and although they posed no problem to my marriage, I was bent on leaving. Thoughts of the grass being greener on the side filled my head.
I hid under the cloak of rage and betrayal even though my husband knew nothing about the pregnancy or child. 2 months later, i moved out of my home and fully invested myself in my new found romance. This decision strained the relationship between our families but we cared less.

3 years today, I regret walking into that elevator. Every decision taken since that day when thought about has plunged me into deeper and deeper regrets. I did not hear from my husband after leaving. The monthly cheques for the children and I come in signed by him but I have not been able to reach him. If given another chance, I will definitely do things differently cus these days, REGRET is all i feel.

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