Lose it a second time will be much more painful than the first

Her name is Maria ... The girl who completely changed my life .. a casual acquaintance, friendly relations that outgrew into something more than love ....

The first two years were the best in my life .. we enjoyed each other .. spend almost all your free time together ... Friends, relatives ... everyone thought that it was a wedding .... At some point we stopped understanding each other friend ... began to swear and broke up ...

After a couple of weeks she had a young man and I promised that I will permanently delete her from my life .. I started to have a rest ... to drink ... maybe someone will think that this is not right but this is the only thing that helped me not to think about her eyes smile gait ... it seemed to me everything reminded me of it .. in every girl that passed by I was looking for the features of my sweet and beloved girl ...

A couple of months later I calmed down ... as friends said yes and she. she was fine with him ...

It was going on as usual .. I let her go, I had a girl who I did not like because I said it .. but I expected that I could ...

A week ago I accidentally saw her ... we greeted her .. and she offered to walk .... all day we spent together..explaining each other's mistakes that we both admitted ... when I saw the tears on her cheeks I realized that for the sake of this girl, I have to live my whole life .... maybe when she reads it will say that it is not so, but for me this day was like a date of acquaintance ... I was just not sure .. lived .. and I constantly I wanted to smoke ...

the next day we also spent together .. walked around the shops hugging and kissing .. and I can not imagine my life without it ...

I understand what we are doing wrong ... she doubts her choice ... she can not do this to him ... it's a pity that I can not influence it ... but losing her a second time will be much more painful than in the first .... and how can I be I do not know ...........