@openoffice, this is the beginning framework for a very interesting story. I have a few suggestions for you.
1.) It would be good to have another reference of some kind about Kunle at the very end. The way it is written leaves the reader with the impression that Pamilerin has completely forgotten all about him because of the drama with Bolu. You could do something as simple as this:
- I thought about Bolu's case again. I really felt sorry for her parents. At the same time, my mind was swimming with thoughts of my earlier conversation with Kunle.
2.) Kunle and Tunde appear to be two names for the same person, but the reader doesn't know why. Is this a cultural norm? Is there a way you can incorporate an explanation for the name difference into the story for your world-wide audience?
3.) In English, proper names are always capitalized, no matter where they appear in a sentence. It is worth your time to go back through your writing before publication to make sure you have not missed this if it is not your habit to capitalize as you go. It is better to just get in the habit of capitalizing as you write.
4.) In English, sentences must always end with some kind of punctuation. Most often you will use a period (.). It is worth your time to go back through your writing before publication to make sure you have not missed this if it is not your habit to punctuate as you go. It is better to get in the habit of punctuating as you write.
5.) Your comma (,) usage is inconsistent. I suggest you jot down a few of the most common comma usage rules, and continually reference these rules until they become second nature. I will give you an example of what I mean (along with some additional English language corrections:
“Amen” they chorused.
I faced Bolu, it’s not a crime to fall, but the most important is too rise again. May God be with you”
“Amen” she nodded, crying out loud.
“I will give you a call” I said
She nodded.
“Safe journey” I said and waved at them as the car took off.
I went straight to my room and crashed on my bed, I was tired and famished at the same time.
I thought about Bolu's case again, I really felt sorry for her parent.
- “Amen,” they chorused.
I faced Bolu, "It’s not a crime to fall, but the most important is to rise again. May God be with you.”
“Amen,” she nodded, crying out loud.
“I will give you a call,” I said.
She nodded.
“Safe journey,” I said, and waved at them as the car took off.
I went straight to my room, and crashed on my bed. I was tired and famished at the same time.
I thought about Bolu's case again. I really felt sorry for her parents.
Here is a link to a public domain book which is one of the very best English Language reference manuals there is. I have used this reference book since I first got it in college back in 1984.
https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Elements_of_Style
I hope these suggestions for improving your English writing are helpful to you.
I've upvoted and resteemed this article as one of my daily post promotions for the @mitneb Curation Trail Project. It will be featured in the @mitneb Curation Trail Project Daily Report for 25 FEB 2018.
Cheers!