here. Let me know what you think in the comments, I am still new to writing and looking for any feedback you have. Hope you enjoy!Hey everyone, this is my entry into @rhondak's flash fiction contest. You can check out the contest and other entries
The Last to Fall
The cold, sharp wind blows against him, stiffening his body. Gone are the days of warmth and sunshine. Weeks have passed since he has basked in the sun. Life is nothing but chilled air and long nights.
His body has grown frail and brittle with the seasons change. The color he once radiated has become dull and dark. His skin so dry, cracks have formed.
This was always going to be how it ended for him. In the same place he was born. It’s only fitting. This place doesn’t let anyone truly leave. Not that he would want to; it’s been home for so long. All he knows of the world is right here in this lot.
He thinks back to all the time spent here, hanging onto every detail, praying they don’t escape him. From the children playing tag, chasing fireflies, and building forts, to Mom and Dad gardening, barbecuing, and throwing parties, he clutches at each memory fearing any moment it could be gone forever, just as it has gone in the real world.
The wind blows harder. He can feel life slipping from him with each gust. It won’t be long now.
The same fate awaits him that has befallen his entire family. Each generation experiencing the same ending. His turn has finally come.
A gust of wind rattles his body. He holds tightly to the little life left. Another blast of the frigid air loosens his grip. Enough! He thinks to himself, accepting he can take no more.
A final volley of air rushes at him, striking his body, stripping him of the last bit of life. He floats slowly downward, drifting the ground, his final resting spot. He lands softly.
A young neighbor approaches him lying on the grass. She lifts him gently, carrying him into the alley behind the house.
Placing him on top of the pile, she smiles to herself, satisfied that every leaf has finally been cleared from her neighbor’s yard. She skips back to her house knowing she’ll be five dollars richer when her neighbors return home after Thanksgiving.
click here!This post received a 4.7% upvote from @randowhale thanks to @mk40! For more information,
Woah that gave me chills your an amazing writer mk! Didn't expect that ending haha!
Thanks man. I just need to keep on plugging away at this writing stuff. Keep the words flowing.
#Dash cash! -- I really appreciate creative posts and look forward to seeing more of your content in the future! I just followed you, and I hope you'll do the same so we can connect and continue to evolve and learn from each other! Remember, be yourself, because nobody does it better -- Full #Steem ahead :)
Much ❤!!!Follow me @fireangel
Very nice story. Great imagery. Will follow you to get some more. Keep em coming.
Thanks so much. I am going to be trying to put out a piece or two every week. Stay tuned!
I will. Smiling. I try to write 500 words every day. Say would you be up to a friendly write-off? We could alternate topics and post a 500 word response to each other. If you're interested, hit me back. I'll give you the first topic. Grinning. No rules. Everything goes. Everything.
I would definitely be interested in this! Sorry took me so long to reply, this got lost in a sea of others when I woke up! Never done something like this before, then again, up until a week ago I hadn't written anything in years, let alone posted it online. So I am 100% in!
Cool. Smiling. Tag, you're it. You pick the topic and do a blog post. I'll reply with a blog of mine and reply you the link. Then we switch places. I'll pick the topic and post and you reply with a link to your post of the same topic. Just to make it interesting, DM me with the topic and I'll write my blog without looking at yours. Will be cool to see if we take the same topic in different directions....Sounds ok?
This works for me. I am going to DM you on Discord!
Lol. Will be fun. One post per week sounds ok or fewer? I know you have a million projects going on lol.
Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by mk40 from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, and someguy123. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows and creating a social network. Please find us in the
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wow...... what a twist. you need not worry mr. great story and you create a great picture.
Thanks so much! Glad it painted a good visual for you!
Once again you painted a nice picture and provided a ending that I had not suspected at all. While reading the post I tried to figure out the ending and what it could be but I was completely wrong! Very nice post!
Glad the ending was a nice surprise, this was definitely much harder to put together.
Nice and interesting story, all the best with the contest.
Thanks so much! Much appreciated!
Wow, that's awesomely written. You had me from the first line. Upvote and resteemed
Thank you so much! With this Flash Fiction stuff I feel like you need to get your hooks into the reader right off the bat...and then find a way to keep it going throughout the rest of the piece...somehow!
You did it well 👏 keep it up & welcome!
This post has received a 16.76 % upvote from @booster thanks to: @mk40.
Always interesting to read a piece from an odd perspective. Very creative. Good luck in the contest!
Thanks so much. It was a funny thought to try and write something from the perspective of a leaf. Glad you enjoyed it!
This one is great too! Good job!
I appreciate that! This one was a serious struggle to put together. Had the idea and loved it in my head...could not get it to just flow out onto the screen, but I think it came together better than I expected. Thanks again!
Yeah, I'm totally envious! Well done!
That makes me feel good. I have only been writing for about a week now...hadn't written anything in over a decade before that. So it feels good to get so much positive feedback.
@MK40, if you check Steemit before Discord, I have a question. I've tagged you both places. LOL
Hope you're having a great Fourth!
Very well done. This piece manipulates the heartstrings quite well. Thanks for sharing, oh, and congratulations!
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I wanted there to be an element of surprise at the end, but not so much that it felt forced.
Awesome piece! Congrats on your win! Following :)
Thanks so much! It was a great day because of it :)
Beautifully done.
Congrats!
Thank you for helping to sponsor the contest! One of the reasons I even decided to write on here was because of how amazing this place has been to me, and you are a prime example of that, if only the real world could have as many kind hearted individuals in it!
Wow this is amazing. I wish I could write like this! I love the unexpected ending as well!
Well, I wish I could sing like you! :) Thanks so much, glad you enjoyed the ending. I have to thank @rhondak for being the one to get me to write this story.
Cool. I look forward to reading more!
Surprising ending! Great read for sure Max, enjoyed that! Constructive criticism? All I would say is you can use words to describe certain details which would aid in striking a reader's emotions. Other than that, it was a great read, smooth flow.
Nice one man :) Keep up the writing for sure.
Thanks so much for reading! Glad you enjoyed it! Yeah, I am always working towards being able to show instead of tell. Appreciate the feedback!
Man I have this feeling!! Your writing's going to be huge one day. Keep it coming man and may the gusts of writing success warm you up on the cold and dreary nights! :D
Cheerrrsssss
Now that would be amazing! All I can do is keep going, I appreciate the encouragement!
Absolutely! Steem On Max :)
Have a lovely rest of the weekend