I think I am on the very same path as your husband. I am sort of becoming detached from my partner. I will not say it is because she is ugly - it is mainly because we both are on different levels when it comes to sex. I like it slow prolonged with slow movements - I even used to like her sleeping with me inside her. I like the feeling of total contact and being inside. Needless to say she was not that much in to it. Nowadays I feel guilty for making her uncomfortable and at the same time I can't just switch it on and then turn off. I requested her to wear dress of my liking (completely ordinary dress to someone but arousing to me - may be because I used to see girls and ladies in such dresses during my childhood). If it is a lucky year I get to watch her wear it once! Call me a voyeur but I like watching her without she knowing it. Several requests but nothing worked. After long discussions she appears to understand the issue but give it a couple of days - everything is back to where it was.
I do not like alcohol or smoking. I need a way to pleasure myself. So I turn to slow satisfaction at my own pace. Internet porn. Just search and watch slowly. I am not that much into paid porn yet but I am spending long hours on the internet. Wrote it down so that someone will read and understand how they can loose their partner. Pay attention to your partner's desires please. It may be silly but that will keep him/her happy.
That's very open and honest of you to say. I think you and I are motivated to write about this honestly for similar reasons, and yet coming from opposite ends of the problem. I don't think women realize how their sexual indifference can send a man looking elsewhere. But I also don't think men realize how "just looking" at porn can kill their romantic relationship in so many ways. It's a sad situation. I'd like to think that "true love" can bring couples together over problem issues like sex, but it's usually not the case.