We could head out to the bluff and sunset. Strip down and warm each other skin to skin under the stars. Camp among the rocks making wishes and slow, wet noises of satisfaction. We could dine on each other's bodies until the only feast left is sticky sleep.
I think about this often. Think of splurging on sleeping bags and bottles of wine. Think of telling Anthony I have a surprise planned away from this apartment complex and the neighbors who are outside smiling whenever Anthony knocks on my door.
But inside these wall I feel contained and in control. I chose this space and arranged it to reflect myself. I don't feel small here the way I do outside. I don't feel lost even if I am lonely. And when Anthony is with me, I feel like there might be nothing else, except there is.
I could give him more.
Last time I shared myself out to man I didn't get all the pieces back. If the stars are a mirror, it's shattered. My heart is like those stars beating in a million places inside my chest. A million burning points pulsing closer together each time Anthony slips off my clothes and strokes my body. Each time he parts my lips with his tongue. I want to wrap my legs around him and hold on. I want to lick his teeth while he carries us both on his desire. Lean back and let him push inside me.
Am I selfish for riding his love? He's whispered the words in sleep. "Dani, I love you." He whispered them and reached for me but I shifted away, put a pillow between us like a wall until morning when I rode him again trying to make my heart whole.
I think of him and he arrives at my door. I open it to see the neighbors smiling. "You want to go out today?" I ask him. "I know this spot and . . ."
He picks me up and kisses me. I lose my breath, look into his eyes. He sets me down and grins, "The bluff?"
I blink, thinking he has read my mind.
"You talk in your sleep," he says. "I've got the sleeping bags in the car. You know, just in case it was more than a dream." He looks at his feet, uncertain.
But I'm not uncertain. I grab my keys and his hand, pull the door shut behind us. If I think too hard, I'll lose my nerve. We get into his car and I'm wondering if maybe a dream is a wish your heart makes and what other wishes I may have made in my sleep.
If you enjoyed this, you can find more of Dani's story here:
Solitary Chill
Calculated Risk
Total Immersion
Promise of the Unexpected
Dangerous Waters
Talking with Leaves
Candy Corn
Sweep Me Up
image via pixabay.com
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