Growing up, my family was solidly middle class. My family consisted of my parents, myself, and one brother and we lived in a tiny cape code with 3 small bedrooms and one bathroom. I think the entire house was maybe 1200 sq feet. Both my parents worked full-time and they never bought anything that they did not have the cash to pay for. All of our cars were purchased used. They were usually ugly and a strange color, but still modestly serviceable.
Now that is not to say that we didn't have get toys or take vacations. We did, but they were to places we could drive to for a day trip and things like camping. I remember my childhood very fondly and don't ever remember feeling deprived that my parents couldn't take us on a lavish week long trip flying on a plane and going to Disney World like some of my school friends did with their parents every year.
I lived in a time where there were no computers and no internet. We neither wanted or expected anyone to entertain us. The world was our oyster and we entertained ourselves. We scavenged discarded materials and built forts in the woods, played hide and go seek, dove for rings in the swimming pool, played Marco Polo, and did clumsy gymnastics on the lawn. None of these things were costly and involved begging our parents for money. They probably didn't have it, or would say no anyway.
In contrast, many children today are spoiled and entitled. I see many people trying to buy the love of their kids with material items or taking them on expensive vacations. Maybe they are doing it out of guilt for not spending enough time with their kids. We seem to now live in a society where the schools, TV, and the internet are raising kids more than the parents.
One time I remember asking my parents why we could not buy a new car. Their reply was that new cars are expensive and a used one does the job just fine. They emphasized the importance of saving money for "a rainy day". I never really understood this when I was a kid, but when I got older and was out in the world working and paying for way, I began to see what they meant. I ended up with a bunch of credit card debt fresh out of college. Most of it was for unnecessary things with no long term value. I remember trying to pay off that debt and how painful it was.
Once I couldn't pay the high minimum payments anymore and the collection agencies began to harass me. I even had my bank account frozen, containing all the money I had in the world (about $2,000) by collection agencies and my rent check bounced and my electric turned off. That was pretty scary. But it was all my own fault. I spent my paychecks almost as soon as I received them and saved nothing. I also continued to eat out and buy things I didn't really need.
GoFundMe didn't exist back then, but never once did it ever occur to me to go around knocking of doors and begging other people to bail me out and give me the money to turn on my electric or pay my rent. Instead, I sold the stuff that I could and took on an extra part-time job. Eventually, I paid off all my debt and learned a valuable lesson about saving money and controlling spending habits.
Because I have been through all of this, it always seems to surprise me at how willing people are to beg for money using GoFundMe. Even the name of the thing is slightly offensive. Why does anyone think that someone wants to give them money? I'm sure that some of the causes are good, but in all, I see a whole lot of people begging for money because they are in a situation that is purely of their own making and then wanting other people to bail them out.
Your house/apartment burned down? Why the hell would someone not have insurance? It's required in many cases for homeowners and is only about $40 a month. I always shake my head when I hear the sob stories about people who "lost everything" in a fire.
Another example I often see is, someone with three horses and 4 dogs asking for money because one of their animals needs an operation that costs more than my car. Often, the animal is elderly and they will detail that they have already spent large amounts of money, maxed out their credit cards, and mortgaged their house. I'm truly sorry. As a lifelong animal lover, I completely sympathize with this situation.But realistically, sometimes, the answer is just to humanely euthanize and not commit financial suicide over a pet.
I used to work with a lady like this. One day she asked me to borrow money for cigarettes and then she starts telling that the reason she doesn't have any money until payday is because she bought a dog from a pet store with a credit card and she has to make payments or they will repossess the dog. God forbid she had any major emergency like her car broke down. Instead of exercising common sense and self restraint, she took on the expense of a new dog that she had to make payments on. The dog came from a puppy mill and had some congenital eye problem that she had to treat for life too.
Unbelievable, but this is the type of that usually person that ends up begging you for your money on GoFundMe to help them out of "their emergency". Her car will inevitably need a repair or the dog will have a medical bill and she will be forced to ask other people to help her out. People like me that learned the lesson about money and bad choices long ago and then scrimped and saved their money by not buying frivolous items, new cars, eating out all the times, taking expensive vacations, etc. Sure it feels bad to say "no" when someone asks for help and you have money in your bank account. Until you remember that often while you were scrimping and denying yourself things, these people were spending up a storm and making all kinds of stupid decisions.
Bailing them out will not solve what their real problem is. Giving people like this cash simply defers their crisis to a new day. Because their real problem is themselves.... Bad decisions, poor financial management, lack of planning, etc.. For this reason, I have decided to only give money to people that truly ended up in a bad situation through no fault of their own and it was not something that they could have foreseen.
I think in the end, it is better for society as a whole if they start living life and making decisions as if there is no one there to bail them out when they do foolish things. Because there will probably come a time when there isn't. Remember with freedom comes responsibility.
Some stories at gofundme page are simply annoying while others are really genuine. I can relate to growing up not under excessive spending. I did so too. Sometimes we just don't get something because my parents could afford it. We get what we need not what we want, we were taught at an early age.
Nice post.
I admit that some of the stories tug at my heart strings big time. I have given to people in the past, but honestly, as bad as I felt for them, part of me also wanted to ask them why they got into that situation because anyone with a brain could see it coming a mile away. Some times experience is the best teacher and a hard learned lesson is the best lesson to learn.
I am not saying I'd never give to anyone again, but it would have to be something highly unusual. I also sometimes worry about scammers since often there's no way to verify and it would be a great way to run scams.
I understand what you are trying to pass across. There are genuine cases and there are ridiculous ones too. I like to go through the page, the one that wants to go bankrupt to fix the pet is kinda unusual. But I won't judge but I don't think I'll be donating to the cause either. That's just the way I feel about it.
We actually ran into a lady that told us she mortgaged her house to pay for medical expenses for her elderly cat. She was a middle aged woman and I don't think she had a family/ I get it that sometimes the animals are like their kids. I feel the same way, but I walked away shaking my head over this. You know that if she loses her home because she can't pay her bill, you'll see the plea for help on GoFundMe. It's all so sad really, but people do have to exercise some judgement.
The things people do at times amazes me. Thank goodness that kind people are not hard to find.
I agree that Go Fund Me can have some ridiculous stuff on there. It goes hand in glove with people thinking they are entitled to health insurance and all kids need to go to Disney World at least once. I do have to be careful to not get cynical, though, and be quick to help when help is truly needed. My husband is better at this than I am!
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STOPI think things like GoFundMe are just new features of society, which is always evolving. It may not be around in 10 years, but something similar, I think, was bound to happen because this is how society has changed in the context of new technology. It's one step beyond Peer to Peer Lending- for those who can't afford a loan but basically need debt forgiven (which may be future debt for those raising funds to buy new things). And of course there are a lot of abusers, just like there are lots of credit and welfare abusers. I think the platform is bound to evolve, or, like I said, it may not be around in 10 years. Thanks for your post!