Like everyone else on the planet I never do anything without checking what a celebrities opinion is on the subject. As my late wife would have told you, before she died of breast cancer. Gwyneth Paltrow recommended $200 a jar perfumed pig fat and crystal therapy as a cure. It didn't work, but that's nobody's fault except the doctors who kept pressurizing my wife to have surgery and chemotherapy. What do they know about treating potentially terminal diseases? Gwyneth is a successful Oscar winning actress, what film awards have any of them won? Right now though I need good financial advice. I've messaged Gwyneth several times, but she still hasn't replied. Possibly because there isn't a $300 financial planning crystal I can stuff up my ass. I understand it's in the early planning stages though and Goop will be selling them soon. Then I thought it's not a major financial issue. Perhaps I don't need an Oscar winning actors advice on this. Maybe I can take a less expensive and time consuming route by asking the guy who does my gardening. He's worked as an extra on several movies and once had a line. They cut the line, and him, in editing. But he still got paid. So while he probably won't be able to tell me what to do about this large lump on my testicle, he can definitely recommend a good investment opportunity for a large lump sum. As my regular reader will be aware (Hello Kevin) I'm currently on the horns of a blinds or curtains dilemma (How's that for a call back?). While I'm wrestling with that conundrum I haven't been able to think about my finances. One of Gwyneth's staff has promised she'll get back to me after she's finished advising the Chinese on quarantine measures. Once she does, and providing other world events don't need her urgent attention, there'll be a speedy resolution no doubt and I'll be able to order some new blinds or alternatively switch to curtains. While I'd never trust an extra with an important decision like that, I feel confident he'll be able to suggest a high yield investment, perfect for me.
(The copyright to this image is the property of NBC News.)
The sun beat down on the two strangers as they rode into town. Traveling along the main street and passing the small general store. They came to a halt outside the saloon. Dismounting, then tethering their horses. The beasts drank deeply from the water trough. It had been a long ride from Abilene. A few suspicious locals cast hostile gazes at these outsiders. Muttering among themselves as they pointed them out. The pair wiped the dirt and dust from their faces, before surveying their surroundings. Pushing the brims of their stetsons back they stepped in through the swing doors. The tinkling music of the badly tuned piano stopped as soon as they stepped over the threshold.
The doors had barely begun to swing back before several of the customers adjusted their pistols in their holsters. The two new arrivals gave each other a measured look. Both nodding. Without warning they drew their six shooters fanning them as they blasted everyone in the room. The bodies dropped or staggered drunkenly to their deaths. As the smoke cleared, the two gunmen blew on the barrels of their pistols, then high fived as the entire setting degraded into static before dissolving completely. A bright orange message flashed up. Fatal Error.
"Oh come on." Pip complained as she stamped towards Jake and Scarlet. "This is the third scenario you've fucked up by killing essential characters in the first five minutes. What is it with you two?" The young blonde demanded, her hands on her hips.
Jake looked at the ground, shamefaced.
"It's not my fault." He mumbled. "She made me do it."
Scarlet shoved him, as he burst into laughter.
"It's more fun like this. The storylines are so slow in these things. What is this one about anyway?"
"Cowboys and aliens." The boatswain replied. "Not that we had a fucking chance of finding that out before you started blazing away at everything that moved. You're like two naughty kids. Spoiling everything for everyone."
"Let's do another one." Jake gleefully suggested.
"No. Not if you're going to keep dicking about."
"What if we promise not to dick about?" Scarlet offered.
"I wouldn't believe you, because that's what you said every time before. It might be fun for you, but it isn't for me. I haven't even had a go yet."
"You had some dialogue in the first one." Scarlet countered.
"Yeah. You shot me three times before I could finish. That was me out straightaway."
"I've got an idea." He'd raised his hand as he spoke.
"Piss off. I'm not playing anymore. It's pointless with you two."
He whispered in his partners ear. She nodded.
"For once I agree with him on something. I think you'll like this one Pip."
She stalked off a few paces her back to them.
"No! This was meant to be fun. For all of us."
"Come on. What have you got to lose?"
"Apart from the five minutes it takes us to wreck the script."
Scarlet frowned at him.
"You're not helping things here. Come on Pip. I think you'll like this one."
The young woman looked back over her shoulder.
"Promise?"
"I promise."
"You're not just shitting me again, are you?" She asked suspiciously.
"Cross my heart and hope to end up with him forever."
"Alright then, but at the first sign of this being another con, I'm out."
Scarlet walked over to the control panel on the wall beside the door. Where she swiftly punched in the requisite commands. The whole room darkened. Pip found herself in a long dark tunnel, with Jake and Scarlet ahead of her. They were carrying hand blasters, she had a nice shiny rifle. The tunnel shook, dust and debris rained down. The lights flickered and the sound of distant explosions came from up ahead. Suddenly, seemingly from out of nowhere, bolts from energy weapons slashed through the gloom. The three headed for cover. Jake cautioning Pip to hold her fire until she had a definite target. Ammunition was low. They'd have to pick it up along the way. Some kind of half lizard, half insect, creature darted into view. Pip took it out with a head shot and found herself being peppered from several different angles. She dived for cover behind the rock where Jake was lying on his back.
"So what's the story?" She asked reloading her weapon.
"Story?"
"Yeah. What are we meant to be doing here?"
"Well basically we have to fight our way through wave after wave of increasingly strong enemies and make our way to the end. Where we have to kill the main enemy. It's a bit like what happened in Scarlet's memory palace."
The three of them cleared the first room. Then searched it for supplies. They were ambushed as they exited that chamber. Ten minutes in, the three of them were surrounded and using mining trolleys as cover.
"Right. I'm going to take out that one with the rocket launcher. When I do you two make a break for the rocks dead ahead." Pip called.
A precision shot caused the enemy to explode spectacularly. Unrealistically, but spectacularly. Removing a whole host of their foes. It was short work for Jake and Scarlet to mop up the remainder. Room cleared. Jake took point, he'd picked up an automatic rifle of his own. Scarlet had a couple of machine pistols. Pip's rifle pinged, the energy bolt flashing along the path.
"Ow." Jake exclaimed, grabbing his rear right cheek.
"Sorry." The blonde apologized between snorts. "Couldn't help myself. Does it hurt?"
Scarlet was corpsing to. The Wanderer turned slowly.
"Yes it does. Allow me to show you."
The two women dashed for cover, still giggling.
"Stop messing about." Scarlet admonished Jake firmly. From behind a column. "This is not the time to fool around."
"She shot me in the ass. Unprovoked."
"Ahhhhh. Nothing that happens to you is unprovoked Sparky. You're the most annoyingly provocative man I know. Come on. Let's move out. I set a time limit and we're falling behind."
Grumbling to himself, Jake resumed his course. Looking over his shoulder every few seconds.
The three of them exited the holosuite, having completed their mission. Killing everything in their path. It wasn't quite what Pip had envisaged when she'd suggested they try it out. She'd enjoyed it enormously though. And she thought it was just what the doctor ordered for her two friends. The trio changed back into their party clothes, before heading into the main area. Pip spotted Kaisha and Chaska lounging on a sofa, chatting. She headed over. Jake's eyes swept the place.
"Are you looking for Tandy?" Scarlet probed.
"Yeah. I'd quite like the two of you to meet."
"You fancy a threesome eh? Things are looking up."
He looked at her scandalized by the suggestion.
"I think the two of you will get on really well." He paused.
"Go on." She encouraged. "What else?"
"I do like the idea of the threesome, but I don't think she'll go for it. It's too much of a risk."
"Don't you worry. Once I get to work on her she'll be up for anything."
"Please don't." She kissed him lightly on the cheek. "What was that for?"
Scarlet rubbed the lipstick off.
"You're quite sweet really. The way you care about women. Pip. Tandy. And me. What did we do to deserve a man like you in our lives?"
"Something unbelievably despicable no doubt." He mocked himself, grinning. "Thought I'd save you the job there. I'm nothing special."
"You know what we haven't done yet, don't you?"
His brow furrowed. This was worrying. More than worrying. This was Scarlet.
"I'm pretty sure we've done every position in the book. Oh shit, you're not thinking of zero gravity sex are you?"
"Well I wasn't. I am now though. I wonder if Tandy's tried it?" She teased. "No. You and I haven't danced together. What do you say?"
"That depends. Do you mean dry humping each other all over the dance floor without taking any notice of the rhythm? Or do you mean proper dancing?"
"She grabbed his hands swinging them and doing a few steps.
"I mean proper dancing. With the proviso that if the mood takes us we can move on to the dry humping."
"Alright then." His eyes swept the place again. "Have you any idea where everyone else is? Some of them I haven't seen for more than a day."
"A lot of them went on the sight seeing trips. Daisy won't be back for days and the sky cruisers throw a really good party, so they tell me."
"Why did no one tell me about them?"
"I wouldn't have known either if Morag and Hermes hadn't told me. They'd have gone themselves only they were still plowing Amara and Toopher. Good point though. I wonder why we didn't get an invite? Must have been an oversight. Come on Sparky, let's cut a rug."
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Hello @spunkpuppet, thank you for sharing this creative work! We just stopped by to say that you've been upvoted by the @creativecrypto magazine. The Creative Crypto is all about art on the blockchain and learning from creatives like you. Looking forward to crossing paths again soon. Steem on!