Something Happened

This is my story, a true story, based on real events and which shares some of the actual texts that we sent each other over a period of some 30 months - a period of my life that is still as vivid in my memory as if it happened yesterday.

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Something happened that day that changed everything.

I had met him online two and a half years before, when he had sent me a wink on a gay chat site - a wink meaning that he was interested.

I replied the same day.

Sexyshark: Hey, Thanks for the wink. I like your profile and keen to chat and hook up. I love the company of young guys. Chat soon.

Jonno06: mate sorry I just missed u. i’m keen to meet let me know when u free.

Sexyshark: Hey still keen to hook up. A month’s gone and we haven’t chatted.

Sexyshark: Hey haven’t heard from you for a while. What's doing?

Sexyshark: Hi saw u checked my profile. I'm still interested to hook up sometime.

Jonno06: I’m keen 2 meet but going away. when I get back for sure

Six weeks later

Sexyshark: Hey, so when we gonna meet? Christmas is over and you checked me out, so you may still be interested? I am.

He sent me a wink two weeks later.

Sexyshark: Hey sexy. Lets make a plan to meet. We’ve chatted long enough.

Two more weeks pass

Jonno06: hi what u up 2?

Sexyshark: Just got home. What you have in mind?

Another three weeks pass

Stuart: You wanna meet for some fun? Btw, I’m Stuart.

Jonno06: ok but be discreet. take it easy cos i’m new to this.

Stuart: Sure. I live alone so you won’t be seen. We’ll only do things you are comfortable with. When?

A month passes

Jonno06: u wanna catch up?

Stuart: Hey just got your message. Was out. What r ur plans tonight?

Another week passes

Jonno06: where are you… i’m in the city

Stuart: I’m at home.

Jonno06: i can come now. must be discrete tho. i’m so nervous.

()

This is me at the time we first met. And yes, it was then six months after his first wink, that we did finally meet. He’d drunk some beers for courage and stood nervously outside in the corridor, even after I opened the door.

“Come in. Good to meet you at last.” I smiled.

“Hi, I’m very nervous, drunk, and I’m Ben. Please be gentle.”

The next three hours were amazing. He’d never been with a man before, but within an hour he was naked, relaxed and willing to try anything.

Ben: Thanks for last night. Was awesome. btw, did you put something in the water I drank. I felt different this morning.

We met once or twice a week for the next few months, texting each other at least twice a day. I discovered at out third meeting that his real name was Matthew. He was just being very cautious.

Matthew: Good morning sexy. I tried so hard to stay awake for your text last night but I fell asleep. I’m just about to get up. I wish you were here for a cuddle. I want to see you. I’ve been missing you so much, take care and I’ll speak soon.

Then he started to visit me more often. And in-between visits his texts became longer and more frequent.

Matt: Hey sexy, just got into bed – so cold and lonely. wish I was with you cos I need a cuddle. Thinking about you all day, so I bought you a present. I found it so hard to leave your bed this morning. I really wanted to stay and cuddle. I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow – to give you a big fat kiss as soon as I walk in the door. Sweet dreams and I’ll see your sexy arse soon.

One time he flew with me to Melbourne for a long weekend, but decided to fly home a day early to spend time with his mates. But his texts kept coming.

Matt: Flying home early was the biggest waste of time, knowing I could’ve stayed and had a great time. Hope you’re having sexy dreams about me. See you this arvo. Want me to pick up something for dinner?

Matt: I’m going to sleep now thinking about you and how nice it is in bed cuddling you when we’re both naked. I can’t wait to be back there. Sending big hugs for you. I’ll make sure I keep my arse nice and warm for you so you can do whatever you want with it.

Matt: Hey Sexy what’s doing? I wish I didn’t leave you today cos now I’m home and so bored. Next weekend I’m gonna spend the whole day with you – mostly in bed. I’m counting down the hours already. I’ve let so many good hardons go to waste today as well.

After six months we declared our love for each other. He was 24 then. I was 54. I was happily gay, out to everyone and happy in my own skin. He was, well, not out at all. He came from a Catholic and homophobic family so it was hard for him. Living a double life. Scared of being caught out by his mates, or his family.

Matty: Hey, I don’t think I can wait until Friday to see you. I could come round this arvo after work? Can’t stay the night though.

Stu: Be great to see you. One thing though – I’ve invited my daughter for supper. To watch TV. You ready to meet her? She’ll like you and you, her. But I understand if you’re still not ready. What do you think?

Matty: Um, not sure. I’m now suddenly so nervous thinking about meeting her. I do really want to see you though. I’ll think about it.

Stu: Don’t pressure yourself. If you aren’t ready yet, that’s cool. I’ll cancel my meeting tomorrow and you can come then. I would much rather see you anyway.

Matty: Heaps sorry but I don’t think I’m gonna come tonight. That doesn’t mean I’m not happy though, I’m just not ready to meet your daughter. Trust me, I’m extremely happy with you. Let me know about tomorrow. If you have to go to your meeting that’s cool. I can see you later in the week. Good night and I’ll speak to you soon.

Stu: I’m very shitty with you…for not coming to see me today – you bugger – just joking!! I understand and when the time is right, it will happen. I’ll let you know about tomorrow but I WOULD MUCH RATHER SEE YOU. So you’d better make plans to come over. Missing you and it’s only been 9 hours.

Matty: I wish I was lying naked next to you. It’s so much better than being alone in my bed. I miss you and don’t think I can wait much longer. Good night and sweet dreams. I’ll be thinking about your sexy arse all night.

Stu: Hey! I’m in bed reading “The Joy Of Gay Sex’. Wish you were naked next to me so I could read to you – and practice the moves on you – I’ll be thinking of you all night. Kisses and all that good stuff.

He moved in with me soon afterwards and the next eighteen months were bliss. We built a home together. He’s a personal trainer so was buff, with a firm, beautiful muscular build. I loved his biceps, his pecs and of course his firm arse. He loved me, just for who I was.

Once he told me that he had never been happier. That I was the best thing that ever happened to him. We were so good together. We shared the cooking. I helped him with his studies. He helped me with my writing. We shopped together.

We did everything at home together, but very little outside my apartment.

He would leave little notes for me to find when I got up.

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What was missing was that he wouldn’t meet my friends, or family and he swore I would never meet his. I let this go, as I knew he was struggling with his sexuality. Apart from the occasional movie, where he preferred to 'hide' in the back row, he was reluctant to go out “in case someone saw us.”

Then something happened.

Two years after we first met, he wasn’t feeling like it that night. We barely cuddled at all. And the goodnight kiss was different somehow.

Two days later: “I’m not sure I’m ready for a relationship. Let’s take it easy and see how we go.”

I had to fly to New Zealand and on the way to the airport we hardly spoke.

“I don’t know why it has come to this. What’s happened to us?” He seemed really unsure, puzzled, scared.

I had no answer for him.

While I was away he moved out of my apartment. Where to, I don’t know. The texts became fewer and fewer and they were cold and bereft of the fun that had gone before.

He fetched me from the airport on my return from New Zealand, and it sucked. There’s nothing worse than the uncomfortable silence after a week apart, our first time apart in those 24 wonderful months together.

Something had happened, and everything had changed.

He still parked his car beneath my apartment, but after locking up, he went off in a different direction to me.

I have no idea where he went.

The next day I discovered that he had deleted all the photographs that I had taken of him. So I had nothing left, no pictures to remember him by. Just two years' worth of text messages.

No new messages for three days.

Then it came, the text that stung me to the bone.

Matthew: Please don’t contact me again. I don’t want to see you. In fact, from now on I will pretend you never existed, that you were never in my life. Good bye.

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