I've been dating a guy for a few years, this is my first guy. The first year he said that I was the most beautiful, the best, that he really loved me. At the same time, he took good care of flowers, candy, invited to the cafe, cinema, theater, went to concerts, gave a cat.
I was happy, thought about the wedding. But then criticism began, he began to criticize me often, although I have not changed much in this time. Many people say that I'm beautiful, I dress well, but he still criticized me.
I answered that I did not like criticism, I do not like it, and that he looked at himself. Several times I proposed to remain friends, told him to find another girl, but he called and said that he loves me very much, and we again began to meet. He says he criticizes me that I change for the better, I also began to criticize him (and my criticism is fair), but he does not change. How to withstand such an attitude and whether it is necessary to endure all this? Please help me figure it out.
He does that to make you insecure so you think you need him. It's a mechanism to allay his own fears of being flawed and lonely. A man who wants to change his girl is just weird! Sounds like he's a prick and you are able to see past and appreciate his better traits. Explains why he is scared to lose you! Don't Walk... Run....
Important (watch in full):
Gaslight (1940 film)
Good Luck!
Ha ha..happy to see this
21st century, there will be flying cars in the future lol. They never told there will be madness too.
Criticisms are healthy in a relationship; you challenge each other to be a better person. Without knowing what criticisms he has of you, and what criticisms you have of him, I can only say that such criticism should be constructive, something that both of you can take on in good stride and be able to consider change. Not many can tolerate criticism delivered in a demeaning manner.
An example I can think of, which is very superficial but I'm sure is very common, is becoming fatter. The best way I can think of to convey that your partner is getting fat, is to suggest going to healthier places to eat, and joining a gym with them. I have done this with my partner - actually, it's my partner that made the suggestions LOL - and because of the way the criticism was conveyed, no feelings were hurt. I'm not much fitter than we first started going to the gym and eating more healthily, but I can say it's good to know what my partner is thinking and that I'm on the way to a happier relationship with her.
At the end of the day, sit down and talk honestly with him. Tell him you do not appreciate blunt criticism, and to consider what he says before he says it. Tell him if he loves you, then he should consider your feelings. Tell him you're willing to take on his criticism only if it's constructive and that he can help you out with them. And the same applies to you. Make sure your criticisms for him are reasonable and something that he can work on with your help. I understand there are people out there that are just not receptive to any criticism, and if your guy is one of them, then I'm sorry, there's nothing much to do.
"Tell him you're willing to take on his criticism only if it's constructive and that he can help you out with them". Cringe :) They are wayyyyyyyyyyy past that point. This post is not a first attempt but a last attempt at saving a doomed relationship. Stay strong girl!