I believe that being given this life in the form and essence that we agreed on before being born creates some sort of adventure we decided for ourselves. There are people and events that touch our hearts more than others. Considering our limitations we put ourselves into, we need to learn to trust our intuition on what is the best of us and how we can rise into higher altitudes of dimension we are occupying. Is our connection to Source strong enough protection from being hurt by what surrounds us from outside and what is inside us ? Unwanted love , death of someone close, tragic events of all of sorts can trigger our self- harming thoughts and idea of non-existance can be very contagious. Hearing that the person I love is suicidal automatically brings me to their level of pain and wanting annihilation becomes obsession. This is quite unhealthy way of empathy I have in me and I am trying to fight it with disruptions , entertaining myself into different activities but as long as I know they suffer- I cannot come to terms with my own being as justified looking at their pain. Is my imagination of another being, love for somebody I have never met in "real life" and only got to know them online can change this attitude? To be honest, I do not think it does. I create an image, external and internal of this human, try to understand their choices and feel responsible for their life to some extend. It can be a singer, a person you communicate with or an actor that has qualities you I want to see and admire. Obsession can create some sort of loop that appears when you addict yourself to this sort of relationship. You want to watch them often, observe their movements, listen to their voice, you are getting hooked on their way of expressing themselves and suddenly you might realise you cannot live without them and that their presence is like a drug delivered to you every time you see or hear them. This self-awareness is helpful but does not change the fact that they are your ultimate fantasy and being unable to be with them puts you in depressive and suicidal states that create disonance of what is real and what you can or cannot tolerate. Love can be very addictive. Being in love where your object does not communicate with you can be addictive as well as it is constant chasing and guessing, and torment ,and other emotions that preoccupy your thoughts and dreams, and never ending high of not knowing but trying to figure yourself out on this rollercoaster. For many people it was too much to handle and there are those who did not survive the silent rejections of their loved ones. Can we protect ourselves from being victims of our own minds and hearts? Can we settle for less , find someone who can actually show their love to us with us being ready for it? I guess unhappy love is the way to save those who are afraid of being loved or do not think they deserve to be loved or being close with someone else. To hear from someone that they love you can be very confronting , even if you love them too . There are respinsibilities connected as much as to love somebody as to being loved by somebody. Many would choose option of loving and not being loved just to avoid the responsibility for the person that loves you. That is why you might fall in love with some ideal and when suddenly it returns the feelings , you change the object OR you aiming so high that there is hardly any chance the love interest will even know you exist. I do not see suicide and self- destructive thoughts as a solution to this issue. I believe self-awareness and being patient with yourself is needed to better understand your triggers into unhappiness. Spending hours in front of a screen looking for closeness of a touch seems like Syzyph's work and never-ending disappointment. On the other hand- it might be seen as a protection from being disappointed by yourself in real life when emotions can cost more than a broken heart. So... why are we escaping from and into loving someone who does not know we exist ? Is our chase really an... escape from being hurt and rejected ? Can we even imagine ourselves happy in a romantic relationship? Do we think we deserve to be happy? What makes you happy? Does it really ? I guess we need to answer these questions ourselves in privacy of our dark hearts waiting on the sunrays of happiness in our lives. Sunrays we all deserve....
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