T-break day 1 - steemit new account
Two weeks ago, on my way to a date with my favorite girl, I had a cannabis-associated panic attack. There was a lot of people in the train, including a young couple of Mexican students with the boy flirting strongly on the girl. I had smoked a lot of weed and the scene made me wonder if I was doing enough to scare orbiters away from my then girlfriend.
Then while recovering, my ex suggested she took away my cannabis paraphernalia. I know I've needed a T-break for years now, and I was still high, so I gave her my goodies. This was probably a bad idea because it added the extra pressure of my addiction to a new relationship.
The breakup was triggered by my own shortcomings, I was feeling insecure, having suicidal thoughts, while she was still hanging out with an old ex, at some point my afib starting acting out and with their planned camping coming up, I felt her relation with her ex wasn't good for my heart. Now I understand that my ex-girlfriend was trying her best, but at that time it was just too demanding for my heart to deal with so many stressors.
I'm doing much better now, I just returned from my family doctor and for the second time this week I hear an specialist saying he couldn't hear my afib at all.
For this T-break I'm planning to log my stressors and I'll start with these:
T-break log
- Suicidal thoughts: 7/10
- Boredom: 1/10 (steemit is fun!)
- Cannabis Surroundings: 10/10
My plan for today is to hide my paraphernalia, and spend the rest of the day hiking. If I feel the need to toke, I will use posting on my brand new steemit account, as a replacement therapy.
Hi @soltao...sounds like you have been through alot..I'm happy to hear that your Dr. Couldnt hear your afib :) I'm sure that your Dr. Told you not to stress so hard about ED so many men have it even temporarily for a variety of reasons. ..I think yours could be anxiety related...concentrating and focusing on it only worsens it ..and women deal alot better with than you think because as I said it's common. ..anxiety can also cause irregular heartbeats and rythems ...I have them all the time and I was diagnosed with severe panic disorder at 13...I think taking a break from smoking is a good idea and exercise like hiking is even better :) :) keep your mind as busy as possible and anytime suicidal ideas come up refocus on something. ..anything else...I have tried 7 times in my life almost succeeding twice..so believe me I know what I'm talking about ..sending prayers and positive vibes your way:) :)..and following to check in on you every now and again :) :) Kayleigh
Thanks for your kind words! Suicide is a taboo subject because it's such a downer. I would really like to get rid of this toxic shame and recently got back into Emotional Tapping Technique and fast ETF.
As scary as it is to hear from someone who has actually gone through seven attempts, it also makes me realize even thought suicidal thoughts are a taboo, it is an existential threat many of us go through. Hope you're feeling better too :)
I'm not going to lie with all that I have been through my life is a struggle ...but I get better everyday :) :)..anytime you feel bad ..you can talk to me ..someone who's fought that battle time and time again :) :)
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@Soltao - welcome to steemit. Hope you will enjoy ! All the best @digital-gypsy
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