Normally when people write a suicide note of sorts, it's really more of a cry for help. For a friend, for a chance to find hope and something worth living for. Coming from experience, I tried to kill myself on 5 different occasions, 5 different times, using 5 different methods. There was always at least 1 reason that brought me back and didn't let me.
If you need someone to talk to, I'm here.
This hit me for many reasons aside from understanding the feeling and past experience.
My husband is a software engineer, also named Dan, tired of the mundane of lining other people's pockets and fixing incompetent co-worker poorly written code.
Anyway, I'm serious. If you wanna talk, I'll send you my number.
Keep your head up and don't throw in the towel yet!
I needed to write this, I needed to scream this. At this moment I'm taking another action, moving again, kicking the washing machine until it works. I'll go back to Seattle, I'll get some weed from Uncle Ikes, and buy myself some more time. I'm not ready to give up yet - but, to be honest, I'm running out of "good reasons" for sticking around. I appreciate your comment, and I get that this is a painful topic for a lot of people. But when I look at my life today and my likely future? - I can't honestly say there's much to hold on to. For a time it was "I'll make people sad", but I've come to realize that most of my friends and family are normie zombies, living in pretend land ... they might mourn me, they might chip in to avoid having my ashes placed in a dumpster ... but I doubt I will be a blip. The real truth is that this nation has become an ocean of pain, a land of tyrants, unfree, and everyday more people choose tyranny and control over their own liberty and dignity. But I'm looking forward to Uncle Ike's, and that might be enough to get me through a few more weeks, and perhaps enough time for me to change course towards a better destination ... it's all a gamble. But no, I'm not ready to do this right now - I simply needed to say it out loud.
You cant focus too much about the "what if's" cause they're exactly that.. What If. No one knows what tomorrow holds and as cliche as that sounds, its the inevitable truth. And I get it. Scream until your voice goes out! Scream even if the world isn't listening. Just know there are people out there who can identify and relate more than you know to the pain inside!
I have peace and comfort in knowing you're not ready, and I hope you never come to that place of readiness. Say Hello to Uncle Ike for me, and light it up! Whatever brings you peace. I'm here regardless, and I may be a total stranger, but some times total strangers can be a somewhat hopeful remedy!
I will do that. I'm not ready to reach out to a stranger, not that you don't seem nice. I've been kind of screwed by strangers in the last few years ... my trust level, at this moment, is undetectable by the large hadron collider.
Understandable. 👍
No worries! 😊
It's cool that you care, you don't even know me.
Sadly in today's society, people don't make time for other people anymore aside from the mundane small talk in passing. I am one of the few, or would like to believe so, that does. Does anyone truly connect anymore? I get that I'm behind a screen, like the rest of the world daily, but it really doesn't take much to be a decent human being, does it?
I'm with you on this - if you have time, read section 10 - "Winter's Prayer" ... https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HaidOzXAaHgf3zBqmztWZzikV-StYfyK/view