An Escape from Suicideville

I'm scared, I don't know what the future holds,
My addictions get stronger each passing day,
Lust has made me a weakened soul,
No control of myself, I don't even have a say
Don't know what to say, I'm helplessly in need of revival,
I hide and try to paint my misery with some laughter,
I walk outta the house and force that smile out,
But inside I die gradually,
These pains might voice out

So you see the rope, the chair, the ceilng fan,
the toxic drink by the table or the insecticide,
the harmful powdered substance in a small sized can,
I can even visualize a gun on my black right hand (Jesus)
All giving me clues of a possible way out,
A cheap escape out of life itself, I need to pass out
End this misery and probably head to where?
It's hell, the torment from my figurative demons,
I got some friends I could probably lean on
But I think they pissed off, they don't get it and so do I
I felt it was just lust, but it's deeper than a diamond mine
The root of it all, I can't explain it,
Like I'm on fire but I know not its origin just to quench it (Jesus)

These items connecting, communicating on my mind
They are telling me, "Vick why not end this pity of a life"
They telling me, "Vick, waste no time, we are around you, drink me slowly or pull a trigger, you'll be free on the other side"

Just before I signed this deal with the Reaper, death himself,
A photograph of my family on the dusty shelf,
Momma's smile on that frame gon change when she hears I'm dead,
Lil brother ain't gon bear it,
Considering moments we shared
And there goes the time portal on my mind
The times with friends and the best of them who promised they'll be there
Those who wiped my tears,
Those who held me dear
I won't be fair to them coz they've done their best
So I looked at death in the eye and told him NO,
I dropped the drink down, ignored the ceiling fan, and cut the rope in pieces
I ain't backing out of life, this faith I have I just can't misplace it,
Imma face it head on, and if I die trying, it be known I never died a coward! @wafrica @horpey @adsactly @dhayor @mainnvest