Are you protective of the things you write?
Is it important to you to get them just right before you share them?
A couple days ago, @lloyddavis shared a potentially life changing meditation practice for creative types: He writes three pages in a journal every morning before he has his coffee.
It sounds like a wonderful way to warm up the brain in the morning.
The important thing is to keep the hand moving and get to the end of those three pages, but at whatever pace is comfortable. It can be gibberish. It can be a grocery list. And quite likely there'll be an idea or two in there worthy of taking out and turning into something else.
That's 1095 pages each year. So where to keep them?
In a comment on that post, @jagged shares that he'd kept a journal when he was younger, but after his mother read it without permission, he threw it in a fire.
I think this is a shame - not just because he's lost the thoughts from his younger self, but also because it's probably taught him to feel a certain sense of discomfort any time he sits down to write something new.
If I'd had prying parents peeking into my innermost thoughts, it certainly would have killed my desire to write in a hurry.
I've kept journals, on and off, throughout my life.
Some of them are handwritten, some are typed. Lots of them exist only as digital files in various word-processing formats.
They're writing at the rawest. In most cases, there's not a lot in them that I'd care to dwell on.
So how would I feel if somebody else got their hands on them?
On one hand, I suppose I'd be flattered if anyone felt compelled to read more than a few pages of the drivel.
On the other, well, there's a lot of private thoughts in there that I wouldn't want anyone to read. How would a reader interpret an idle fantasy from decades earlier, without me there to explain the context?
Our papers can be an extension of our thoughts, and as such, deserve to be treated with the same sanctity of mind. This is why the US Constitution specifically mentions "the right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects..."
Philip K Dick, in "The Hood Maker," showed the discomfort - the outright revulsion - people would feel towards telepaths who could suddenly read our thoughts without permission.
Source: Amazon Video
I think the feeling would be much the same if an unedited journal was laid open to a stranger. And yet, by writing these things, we open ourselves up specifically to this kind of attack.
So why do we do it?
I think about this every time we move. The physical journals alone take up two standard file storage boxes. What if they got misplaced, somewhere?
The digital stuff, of course, is on hard drives. They've been backed up periodically, and copied over to each new computer I've used. The old hard drives sit in a drawer, so they can be accessed if the newer drives fail. If I printed them all out, who knows how much paper they would soil.
From a privacy standpoint, the digital stuff is more worrisome than the paper. Electronic documents have a way of getting copied and distributed, often without our knowledge. If someone broke into my house and stole my notebooks, at least I'd know about it.
So. There are a lot of words that I've put into the world that I might not want going any further. At least not until they get some more attention from me, first.
Terry Pratchett felt the same way. He left orders in his will that the hard drive with his unfinished works was to be crushed beneath a steam-roller.
Does anyone really care, though?
It's probably silly to be concerned about it. Human attention is a scarce resource, and it's being bombarded with more demands now than at any time in history. I'm thrilled if one of my posts actually gets 30 views! So who on earth would make the time to read my unedited notebooks, even if they were laid out before them?
It's not like I'm confessing to crimes in these journals, or sharing my bank account information, or writing anything, really, that could be used against me.
But this comes back to the old "If you've got nothing to hide, you've got nothing to fear," fallacy. You might not be doing anything wrong or illegal when you take a dump, and chances are no one wants to watch it.
That doesn't mean you want a camera installed in the toilet.
So, yeah, I'd be pretty devastated if those boxes of journals and papers got lost. Not because I want to read them again, but because I don't want anybody else to.
The algorithms care.
I'm also extremely uncomfortable with the fact that Windows 10 actively logs all of our keystrokes and sends them back to corporate headquarters. Chances are, earlier versions might have been doing this too. Who knows? Snowden's revelations revealed that pervasive surveillance is actually the default mode of the digital age. This might seem natural (and even acceptable) to the generations that emerged from the womb with gps tracking iPhones in their hand. But to pen and paper, 1984 thumping codgers like me, it comes as quite a shock.
Again, it's not that people are going to read all those keystrokes. It's that computers are. And those computers are going to make a hell of a lot of assumptions about what's noteworthy, and what's dangerous, and then they're going to hand their analysis off to people. People with guns.
When I sit down to write at the computer now, I can't shake the feeling that someone is standing behind me, looking over my shoulder. (And while I know you can turn this "feature" off in the settings, I don't believe for a second that it really goes away, especially when every update Windows forces on its users turns it back on again.)
Again, do I think anyone in Washington really cares to read about what I had for breakfast? No.
But if, in the privacy of my own word processor, I decide to write a piece of fiction with a title like, say, "The Pedophile Terrorist Learns How To Make A Pressure Cooker Bomb," is that particular string of characters going to bounce over to the FBI and put a flag in my file? Microsoft has every one of those keystrokes in their database now, and they're not required to tell us what they're doing with them.
Oh shit. What did I just write? What have I done? Clear history! Clear history!
The Government Knows
If you've got three minutes to enjoy the funniest take on government surveillance you'll ever see, check out Knower's video. It's more or less SFW, but be warned. This is one catchy tune.
Do you keep a journal? Digital or physical?
How would you feel if you lost it?
Have you made provisions in your will for it to be destroyed, or do you want people to read it when you are gone?
Oh, I don't know. Reading your journals would probably be quite an adventure. But losing them would be a large bummer..
As for my stuff and the will, well, I guess if I'm gone, they will just think I'm odder than before. Not actually something I thought much about. Hmm, maybe they can't read my scratch-lings anyway. We can hope. (Sometimes I can't even read them a month or two later, so maybe that is a good, code kind of thing). Great post, food for thought too. I went back to read the Terry Pratchett/steamroller post. Great stuff as well. I agree, it seems a shame when people of that much talent do something like that. Give all proceeds to charity. But don't destroy a once-in-forever talent base and resulting works for others to enjoy. Sorry, got off track in a historical post-bent there.
Thanks for more great writing here, outside of your journals, and please let us know if any black helicopters land in your back yard in the near future. Then again, you probably won't call US with your one phone call. Guess ask DD to let us know ( :
"Have you been picking up the Van-Heisenhopf radiation from this guy's journals?"
"Oh yeah. And the vibratory resonances from his fountain pen nib are off the hook."
"Clearly he knows too much."
"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"
"Do you need me to spell it out for you? I need that motherfucker replaced with an android capable of writing in standard Palmer method cursive, 12 point font, and I need it to fill six pages of A4 sized journal paper every day. Then scan and upload all that drivel. By the end of the month, any credibility he has with the pen-casting community will be in the shitter."
"On it, sarge."
Well, an AI would. To better know how to destroy and manipulate humans.
How many fingers am I holding up, Winston?
Um - eleven?
Hmm, I've always had some or other notebook knocking about since I could write basically and anyone reading my stuff without permission is in for a world of shit. This is quite possibly a friendship/relationship ending crime. Not because I'm writing anything so awful I can't bear for it to be read. Because it's a safe space. The one place I can process thoughts I don't necessarily want to talk to anyone about.
I had one particularly raw journal (electronic) which I wrote in daily during a very rough period, but that one was deleted beyond recovery once done 😂
(Scary that all the key-strokes get logged though, so who knows really?)
It can be satisfying to produce a work of art and then let it go/destroy it/delete it.
I guess this is what chefs do all day long.
I think a lot of this "safe space" talk is overdone in universities and schools. Kids are going there to be challenged, not coddled.
But our personal notebooks and computers - those should be the ultimate safe spaces - second only to our brains.
Yeah, I'm very much on the 'don't ever read other people's things, period' page. So people who read their partners emails and texts are also a big wtf for me.
I agree that people at uni should be jolted out of their comfort zone. Complacency at university level is running entirely counter to the point as far as I'm concerned but sadly, having dealt with students, they don't seem to share that idea 😬
Oh, I bet. If you do some teaching you're right on the front lines.
I would be terrified to be a professor today. (Not that I'm qualified...)
I used to keep actual journals as a kid/teenager...now they're long gone, and that's ok. They were mostly full of things that made me angry. Now I have a new philosophy. My husband once said, if you don't want someone to read it, then don't write it down. It's simple and effective. 😊
It sounds like you're from the Stephen King school. "A writer's notebook is the best way in the world to immortalize bad ideas."
But what about exploration? What about experimentation, and rough drafts? Do you just burn them when the final copy's done?
Haha only if they're cringe worthy!
It's a scary thought to know all your keystrokes are logged! My brother warned me when I was watching the YouTube series on the Dark Web this might put me on a list too. I've never kept a journal though. I prefer my sister to surprise me with random bits from my childhood. She has a better memory.
That sounds like a healthy approach - relying on your sister!
I read somewhere that the happiest people make a practice of "sweetening their memories." They constantly recall positive things they did and reflect on what was great about them.
One of the dangers of journal writing is we tend to do it when we're depressed or anxious. Maybe it's great as a tool for working out negative emotions, but at the same time it's making them more concrete in the memory. That's why I don't often like to go back through my old ones. I think, ugh, I'd forgotten that dreadful thing happened.
I was a terror as a sister, I can't even believe some of the things my sister told me (I am the eldest). Luckily she also remembers me threatening (her) bullies so badly in primary school they never even looked at her again. Ah, redemption!
Good for you! You're the sort of woman I want on my side!
most tables in our house are just a place for me to stack whatever journalS I happen to be using at any given moment...and many of them are simply books of lists.
Lists of what? Icelandic place names? Theoretical donuts?
doughnuts? yes. some icelandic place names. but mostly home improvement lists, car parts lists, car to-do lists, meal/recipe ideas...the usual things one lists...i think
Lists usual and unusual and donut-shaped. Don't put the brakes on, disk or drum-shaped.
One day I will taste your doughnuts and until then I'll dream, of sugar and jalapeno frosting. Just keep me on your list.
Do you remember back to the Clarence Thomas / Anita Hill Supreme Justice debacle? He put forth a few pages of his journal to prove that the accusation of sexual harassment was false. The investigation proceeded to the judgement in favor of the 'prosecution', that since he opened a few pages then the rest of his journal was fair game and he had to turn it over.
My husband took the stand that if you aren't willing to have it read then you have no business writing it down. Some of his opinion I attribute to his military background where there are regulations requiring some information be kept from the general public for security purposes.
I didn't follow Clarence Thomas very closely, so that's interesting. What did the rest of the journal show, I wonder. I guess I'll go google it. That's terrifying to know that I could make a "flirtatious remark" to somebody and the next thing I know have my journal read in court! If I ever took a public sector job we'd be headed to the burn pile for sure.
I can definitely see how a military background would definitely make one hesitate before picking up a pen.
But doesn't our military tend to have more classified documents than anybody?
Dunno. There's always the CIA. I guess that wikileaks is busy making everyone less secretive. Is it a good thing? I don't know that either.
Maybe I'm remembering the Clarence Thomas case wrong. I was sure that there was a diary involved but I can't find it anywhere on Google. Frustrating. Maybe I'm having premature Alzheimers. I wonder if I should give Doug a heads-up so it won't be so much of a shock though I suspect he won't be too surprised somehow.
You mean you can't recall all the details from an over-hyped media sensation court case from 1991?
Get thee to a head shrinker, post-haste!
I believe I can DIY it!
Source
Ha hahahaha! Not what I was thinking of, but hilarious!!!