I feel like I know you a lot better now. It seems that most of the things from your list have been about having experiences and trying to learn from them. If you can't successfully overcome it, then you've learned that's how it is and you're at peace with it. You can't change the past. It's cool to see how some of those experiences could have influenced or shaped who you are.
I won't go into each point individually, but don't worry about wanting to sit with your back to the wall. If Wild Bill Hickok had insisted on that, he might still be alive today. In a duel between Wild Bill and Death, I would have been better on Bill. ;)