Where Have I Been?
I often see my blood ties as a wolf pack. I've made my moves and proven countless times I'm not only the Alpha of my immediate family, but the Apex across all blood ties. 
Relevant to the chief of a tribe I suppose. I think if there is one person out there that will understand this, it's probably @eaglespirit. Some people may not quite grasp what I'm going to divulge here as it is hard to fully grip if you don't operate the same way or haven't had any of the same experiences I have in my life. Yesterday, I had to go see about about my sister. Many of the wolves in my family have been crying and howling for her these past six months, and for good reasons too.
The Howls
She had it good growing up, no lack of want, and maybe that was the problem. She tried to find a way to rebel and sunk into the trap of 'the hood'. 
She finds it a way of life now; to be a thief, deal drugs, and worst of all, do the drugs she is selling. The family was crying about her welfare and the fact that she is a mother of three, does not make her choices suited to raising those children. I was asked to step in and see if there was anything that could be done. It gets cold in the part of the neighborhood she chose to be in, so I strapped up with a couple heaters and made my way to East Ridge, a suburb of Chattanooga.
Backstory
Prior to her finding herself in her present affairs, she was up here where I could keep an eye on her. People with addictive personalities need help, even when they won't admit it. Instead of coming to me one night for assistance, she packed up the kids and hightailed it back to her ex-husband who kicked her out and kept the kids. The local fam down there thought it was a good idea to call DCS and they both got the kids taken away. Their father is no better, and by chance, the kids were returned to him which I am angrily thankful for because now they aren't lost 'in the system'. But is it any better for them to grow up abused, neglected and with hungry bellies? Either way, their mother did not care enough to straighten up and make the hard choices.
Almost Got Messy
I really thought my days of putting down rabid dogs was over. But yesterday, was one of those days. I finally caught up to her at a shitty little laundromat where her truck was broke down and she had wet clothes hanging all over the hood, doors and windows. She was very surprised to see me and asked how I found her. I have my sources. 
We talked, she got a hug, she cried for about an hour and the typical addict personality that blames others for their predicaments reared its ugly head. I wasn't very nice after the pleasantries of reacquainting. This was third time I had to go find her. Last time I go out of my way for her too. Her piece of shit abusive boyfriend was apparently on his way to fetch the stolen goods in the truck. I waited for two hours and his lame ass never showed up. Which is good, I told her I didn't want things to get messy, and she knows I clean things up pretty up well.
Can Lead a Dog to Water
But I couldn't make her drink. Somewhere in the 80 pound, bruised and beaten, meth-boil ridden body, her heart have to had heard me. I lectured her on choices, and how she is the only one to blame for anything, which made her cry again. I preached to her about her kids and how they must perceive her, because they aren't getting any younger. Your daughter is 8 now, she knows what drugs are and knows you chose to be the way you are by your own volition instead of choosing to 'grow-up' and be responsible for them.
Sometime in that 3 hour fiasco, somebody had called the police. My suspicion is it was her delusional boyfriend trying to get her popped for the jacked pieces. Was odd, they pulled up, stopped, looked at me, nodded, looked away, and drove off. All black business get-up, fedora, mirror shades and an aura of 'I got this', must have changed their minds about making my day more difficult than it already was. I just hope something I said resonated. I left her in her misery and refused to give her any money for obvious reasons.
Sad, Really
It is a sad situation she has placed herself in. I tried the best I could to get her to cut her losses and let me get her the help she needs. I really don't understand it. I've been in some shit, no lie, and I guarantee, I had it worse than she ever did. All of her kids are healthy and breathing. Try having one die on you Sis! The fuck, you think you the only one that ever had anything bad happen in your life? You are the maker and creator of your destiny. As I am mine. I have chosen a different path, I hope you do the same. So, this is why I was nowhere to be found yesterday. I had some 'real' things to do. STeeM oN my peoples!
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you are needed in many ways, you can not save everyone nor should you or I....
that is allI will refrain from commenting, I <3 your spirit @enginewitty
if you have a right hand man, it's me, who is a woman
in time you will see what I mean......also, WE need you if available for a show on the good that is actively working vs. other things at 2 EST if you are available, You ain't the only one felt knifed before on this platform, stay strong....you are loved
Good on you brother. Glad you try even if it ain't easy.
The wolf has always played a big part in my life. Through scouting/OA my family earned some nick names. They are in a native language but they roughly translate to: wolf tied with hair (my grandfather), the deceiving wolf (my father), mother wolf(my mom) and the second son of the wolf (is my brother).
Super cool. When I lived on the rez and did my 'vision quest', I was led by all three spirits, but ultimately chose the bear. I can tap into any of the three 'spirit guides' though ;)
I'm sorry that your ability to tell a story powerfully is used for such a sad story. Man ... I can relate to this on so many levels from both sides of your conversation with her.
But you're right. You can lead them to water, but you can't make them drink. And often, they're pulling against you even leading them to water. If it was just my sister I'd say fuck her, she made her bed and she can lie in it. But there are kids involved, and you're a fucking super-hero for doing that because they're the ones who pay for her fuck-ups in the long run.
Thanks hun, and that's really what my 'intervention' was about was my nieces and nephew. They don't deserve that shit. Pains my soul.
is there a way you could foster them ?
If they had been thrown in the system, yes, put our names on the list already if anything like that happens where they get pulled from the home again.
might be time to be stone cold and have them pulled, or offer them money to sign over custody. If no one gets those kids out of there they might repeat the same patterns :(
I've already been stabbed in the back enough by some ...... I washed my hands of some ages ago and wish and pray the best for them,,,,,meanwhile I'm making sure with OTHERS that things go smoothly in a direction of positive growth, mic drop
couldn't have been easy making those tough choices @enginewitty ... but they were the right choices ... you can offer a shoulder to lean on but she has to be willing to stand up and do what needs to be done.
Yes she does, the thing I was getting most, and you could see it in her eyes, was 'I don't know how'. It is just easier for her at this point I suppose, to stay where she is, than to stand firmly on her own two feet.
Decades ago I had to walk away from my family and their incessant problems, too. I don't envy you such moments one bit. Bless your heart. Sending you love and prayers -- in case they do any good.
Many thanks E-Spirit. Every little bit of energy the right way helps on some level.
You, as you know, did the right thing. I'm sorry you had to do it. I have been in many of the same kind of situations over the years.
My life would have been very different if people could have seen what drugs were doing to them. They never did.
You have your family and to protect them is always first.
but unfortunately, Love is not enough to fight the call of drugs in any form.
HUGE HUGS
Thanks doll, was not a fun day yesterday. Between the dismal emotional outcome and rainy weather, I would like to just forget the whole day but...as circumstance would have it...not happening.
This is a bummer. We, too, have some family members that make poor choices, much to our chagrin. But more than that, it makes you feel like you're helpless to help.
You've done exactly as you should.
The world needs more strong, tough love.
Hang in there. Keep on your path. The best outcome will be that she follows.
Hugs. ❤️
All I can do now is hope she 'sees the light' and starts making the tough decisions. Told her it'll be the hardest shit she ever does, but by far, the most rewarding.
Again you show your big ❤️ and you did the right thing even if it's a tough choice to make. When it comes to family it's never easy and sometimes the heart says one thing and the mind another.
It's never easy when they can't se what drugs and such does to them.... And to all around them. You can't help those who doesn't want to be helped, or more like can't se clearly.
So sorry you had to deal with this. You do so much for others and you can't do it all... You are loved and my heart goes out to you ❤️
I know and the best one 🤗
So sad, but you know you did your best and sometimes the best love is tough love! She won't be ready for help until she wants it, but then she will remember that you care!
I sure hope so. I had to stay there long enough and repeat myself several times because she was high as all get out when I got there. :(
So sorry to hear that it did not work out, but maybe you planted a seed in her head that will make her want to recover! I sure hope so!
it can be frustrating to see people fall apart for seemingly trivial reasons when one had to tough out things that were a million times harsher. That being said I have learned that the more crap you go through and survive the higher the threshold so i am never sure if I am being unjust at feeling miffed at people. In the end I guess it does not matter what matters is if your are useful to a situation and sadly it seems that in this case you are not, as you are talking to a brick wall. As painful as it is walking away was the right choice at least for now ...
Brick wall indeed. Then again, some people don't learn. I've had friends die from the same kinds of things thinking they could handle it and 'it wouldn't happen to them'. Time will only tell her fate.
been there, sorry you have to go through it :(
My heart is with you honey. It is hard to accept that you can not change people no matter how hard you want it and try to do it. It is even harder when the person is family and we love her and consider her a part of the pack. You will never stop loving her, that is normal but you will sooner or later have to stop letting her get to you because you need to be strong, happy and healthy for you and your kids. The "leader of the pack" mentality can be hazardous, be careful 💚💚💚
LOL!!! Too much ...
I feel what you might experience.
Take care of yourself and your loved ones.
Cheers.Thank you for sharing my dear @enginewitty.
No problem bud, hoping this reaches someone out there that needs to hear it.
Tough times, unfortunately people will always make their own choices good or bad and the only option is to try and steer them in the right direction - and hope they eventually see the light.
#thealliance
That's rough man, but in the end, like you said, she needs to make the hard choice herself and step up. It must be really hard though, to see family stumble and fall like that over and over.
I hope she sees the light. The way you handled that, you are an example to us all.
Maybe she hasn't fallen hard enough yet, idk. Appreciate the support my man.
Anytime. Hope things change for the better soon.
While reading your post, I had a feeling this is not over. Your sister may need your help again before this month is ended. Many blessings. ❤️
You may be correct. Communication is open, it's up to her to step forward now.
Dearest Brother,
For this post I could not just leave a small reply, so I wrote a post dedicated to you:
Honoring the Wolf
From your sis,
@eaglespirit
Thanks doll, I will be there soon :)
sweeheet ... xoxo
Real talk.
Hugs to you! I am so sorry you have tthat on your plate. And that you lost a child. That is the hardest thing that can happen in life. Really don't have the right words to express all I want to say.
Sending Angels!!! This drug epidemic is way the f out of hand. I'm glad you could find her and hopefully she will take your words to heart. It's tough to stay out of the mess let alone get someone else out. God bless you for trying! Praying for ya.
This breaks my heart. Anything I say will just seem empty and insincere but you have done all you can for her. Like you say, she's of the mindset that she's the victim and deserves pity, empathy and free money. The kids... omg. How awful for them. You love your sister but that person is gone, at least until she decides to rescue herself from addiction. Until then she deserves none of your help or time or energy. Save that for her kids.
<3 hugs to you and those kids
Thank you for the open and honest Post @enginewitty. I am so sorry this stuff has happened to your family. I feel for her kids. That is horrible for them. I have an 8 yr. old and can only imagine.
Again thanks for sharing
The reality is - that as much as we speak and hope they will hear, until they WANT to listen... they never will - and the even SADDER reality is that this very seldom comes to turn.
Being family makes it a little more challenging, but even in those instances - my advice would be to ensure that you protect yourself and your own family first. Don't let them too be exposed to even a GLIMPSE of such - and by that, I mean... walking away (as hard as it can be) is often the best decision... but only you know what is best in that respect.
It is an exhausting battle, and I speak from both sides of the fence as you well know.
I do know sweets. Unfortunate sad truth, yes. I've been in arguments repeatedly over that same thing and not wanting my daughters exposed to that crap. Not when they don't need to be, so it is (in a sad way) better that she is 120 miles away and none of it touches home plate.
Yes... very good indeed. But I also have no doubt that you have the strength of character to handle as best it could be.
oh, my love. I am so sorry... about all of this. You have such amazing friends here surrounding you with their love and support...I lend my voice to theirs and hold you and your family in my heart.
Here's hoping for miracles...
xoxoxo
To not know if someone actually heard what you said.
I hope she’ll be able to receive loads of wisdom. Thank you for sharing vulnerably.
And thank you for stopping in to give me a read sweets :)
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and postcards. Some people can't seem to help themselves and head down the path of no return. I hope and pray that your sister's story turns out better than my brother's. He ended up committing suicide. Someday I will post about it, but for now, it is still too raw...
Remember that you are but one person and it is impossible to save everyone.
You have my condolences, we had one in the family that did the same last year. :(
It is hard medicine to swallow. Know that you are not the only one who walks this path to hekp family.
Tough love.
Maybe if I looked like Tyra she would of been more attentive lol
Everyone listens to Tyra... and Simon Cowell.
Good day my fellow Alpha. We have responsibilities as such. Happy to read about your experiences. I've been struggling with this weight as of late. Trying to find a balance and maintain my sanity has been hard. But I always level out. Someone has too.
All the best. You've gained a follower.
Right on, thanks bro. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry you had such a bad day and that you couldn't help your sister when you tried you best. I hope things improve and she chooses to get help soon :)
As do I and thank you for taking the time to stop in and read about my day:)
I know where you are coming from. I have family members in the same situation. I finally just let state as they would not do the right thing. It was about three months later that they figured it out and got their act together and are doing great. I hope this all works out for sister and your family, as it is hard on the family as well.
ES led me to this post and I'm thankful that I did come and read this.
You're heart is so pure and only wants the good for that person. At times, no matter how much you give and how much you give support if that person doesn't want to change, they just don't.
I have seen your heart when you supported the minnows at MBC and I'm now you've come to get my respect on how you treat family. I salute you!
Thank you for your continued support of SteemSilverGold
You have been defended with a 30.40% upvote!
I was summoned by @enginewitty.
Wow Engine. I have to be honest your post hit home with me. My heart goes out to you.... I've had to make the same stand on a couple occasions with people I love but you did the right thing. And I know it was hard but you did it for the right reasons. Those poor kids.... HUGS!
Meth is one of the most vile, destructive, and addictive substances in the world. It comes straight out of hell. So sorry your sister has fallen into it. I hope your words penetrate her mind, and she gets the help she needs. Much love. ❤
It's hard to understand where somebodies drive and motivation stems from in passing, but it's made a little clearer when you're able to read a little into their surroundings.
It would be pleasant to hear that your talk and attempt at a shift in perspective changed something in the future. It all comes down to the statement at the end though...
Choice.
Not sure how I ended up here -bad search parameters- however, since I'm here, if you like tough love, read on:
You say that your sister had it good growing up, but I assume that you are talking about material wealth.
Actually, I'm going to stick my neck out here and say that I know that you are talking from a materialistic view point, and that you haven't considered what type of emotional support she received as a child, because certain facts about rearing children are as immutable as a ball always rolling down a slope.
Basically, all children raised without unconditional love, and unable to fulfill the set conditions to feel loved, will make bad life choices -like your sister. I would bet my soul, on the fact, that the only difference between you and your sister is that you accidentally fulfilled the conditions needed to feel loved by your parents, via genetics or sex or maybe by simply being born first or last.
How can I tell that the love you received wasn't unconditional either? Well, the way you talk about your family, and in particular your sister! I mean, you literally have a need to raise your own status, in your eyes, by comparing yourself with someone who is struggling so monumentally with life.
Seriously, emotionally your sister is a child, and if you need to compare your success against her, then you too must be, emotionally, a child.
If you seriously want to help her, then go and find her, and talk to her without pointing out all her weakness and flaws. She already knows that she's a piece of shit, her primary carers told her this, directly or indirectly since the day she could crawl, so you basically aren't helping at all: you are merely rubbing salt into her wounds.
So, why are you compelled to do this? To try to help by making things worse.
Because you are the exact opposite of her, and yet you are exactly the same.
If you understood unconditional love, you would never act superior to her, ever. You would never parade all your perceived strengths and attributes, that are the complete opposite of her perceived weaknesses, because you would know that in another time and place, with different parents, she would be the golden child, and you would be the piece of shit, and that knowledge, instilled from childhood, would have made you incapable of making adult decisions.
Deep down, you know that it was an accident that you fulfilled all the requisite conditions to feel loved by your primary carers, and that is why you need to be reminded, probably on a daily basis, that you are great, and when you need a real confidence booster, you find your sister, or write a post about her. If you truly understood that you deserve love, and are worthy of love, then you wouldn't do this!
So, if you truly want to heal your sister, go and ask for her forgiveness.
I believe you misread well over half the post and feel you have some unsettled issues of your own. Interesting opinions though. Thanks for stopping in!
#snapcomment
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I misread nothing. My advice to you, especially if you have children, is to research the cause of low self-esteem, narcissism, and the effects on children of having/not having unconditional love. Otherwise there is a strong chance that one of your children will end up like your sister.
I'm happily married and have a beautiful, well-adjusted adult daughter, who chose an awesome boyfriend, aced all her exams, is an accomplished musician and a singer song writer. She's a credit to herself and to the way I raised her with unconditional love.
As a teen she told me that she loved me every day, because she would recognise negative traits in her class mates, that she'd had as a child, but that I had kindly, but repeatedly pointed out, until she stopped. The result is that she is kind, compassionate and has amazing leadership skills, but she does not require constant validation i.e.people to tell her how amazing she is, and agree with everything she says and does.
My advice is freely given, take it or leave it. Keep responding to your sister in the same old way, that doesn't work! And pretend that you are a perfect hero and your sister is useless.
Everyone in the comments agrees with you, so your views must be right, and the one dissenter, well, I know nothing about her, but she must have issues - right?
Not everyone responds the same way to the same treatments. We're all individuals and what works for one, doesn't always work for another.
So, if you know that then why keep responding to your sister like you are the hero and she is so less than?
Anyway, your sister isn't a sociopath, so she would eventually respond to unconditional love, if you could gain her trust. That is what we are talking about here.
What never changes is the core reasons why people behave in a certain ways, so I can say with certainty that your sister makes life plans with abusive people because she believes that she deserves no better.
Where did she come up with the belief that she is so undeserving? The answer is always that it was implanted there when she was a child, mostly by adults.
Child psychology isn't rocket science, and people can change with the right input to change their preconceptions, but if you keep clinging to black and white beliefs like: you're the successful child and she's the failure then, of course, nothing will change.
Of course, changing how you see her also means changing how you see yourself. The question is: are you willing to do that to help your sister and her kids, or do you enjoy your hero status way too much?