This is a particularly good analogy (for the magical role of analogy, please refer to this article, "类比及其方法论" - focus on WeChat public account "xiaolai-xuexi （学习学习再学习）", background response "类比" can be):
When you come across a locked door, where do you find the key?
...Obviously, it should not be just looking at the lock.
If there is a key in the lock hole, then the lock is equal to open, isn't it? The reason why the door cannot be opened is because it is locked, and the key needed to open that lock must be somewhere else!
When we encounter any problems, it is the same reason. Since it is a problem that needs to be solved, it is like a locked lock. The solution is like a key and must not be in the keyhole. It must be somewhere else! Therefore, when we try to solve any problems, we only stare at the problem, stare at the problem thinking, and look at the problem want to find a solution. Usually we can only finish with helplessness!
Once you encounter a problem and find yourself "thinking only about the problem itself," your metacognitive ability should be activated and let it tell you:
No, I have to take my attention away from the problem itself because the solution is definitely somewhere else...
This is definitely the ability of a few people to master - but it actually is really simple:
You already know the existence of metacognitive ability. You already know how to deliberately train your metacognitive ability. Later, use metacognitive ability is just a habit in your life. It's natural, it's like when you are thirsty, you will think of a way to find water, I’m hungry and try to find something to eat...
One interesting example is that this thing about love is really exercising metacognitive ability, and it also needs metacognitive abilities — unexpectedly, right?
You see, when a little boy falls in love, often feel puzzled. It's clear that was still good in the past, how suddenly did his girlfriend change his face? ! However, boys have no experience! Therefore, the biggest dilemma for young boys is:
Why can't girls just "talk about things"? !
(In the above description, the boys and girls are just one referent. The fact that the two words in the sentence are exchanged is also the same fact. In essence, there is not a logical lock-in relationship with gender. In addition, don’t feel talking about love, it has nothing to do with wealth - in fact, if you can be happy for a long time to fall in love, you will save a lot of time spent sad to do business, you say that this matter is not a great relationship with wealth!)
A was angry. B thought that A was annoyed by X. So he repeatedly explained, persuaded, and even teased around the topic of X. I'm sorry. Usually, it's very likely that it will only make A feel annoyed and angry. Why? ?
You think of A as a door locked by a lock X, and you know, B stares at X, and it's impossible to find the key. A is not open... And, B also need observe the rules, don't be smash the door, can't kick, don't you?
Where are the keys? I found the key in a psychology book:
For humans, such advanced animals, some emotions are antagonistic and almost impossible to coexist. For example, you have almost no way to meanwhile happy and painful, both excited and low, or both bored and interesting...
Thus, the solution is fairly straightforward:
If you can make the other person feel extremely happy, they can not be painful, angry, bored, helpless......
The reason why most people appear to be "low emotional intelligence" (note that I do not believe that the word "emotional intelligence" really needs to exist), the "key" is here:
Do you really spend enough time thinking about this most important thing? - What exactly are there and what events may make the other person extremely happy?
If you think about it, how can those who have never thought of it with so much effort to come up with a "key"? Most people do not think this way in their life, and they always want to find makeshift... Oh, haven't they learned the lessons?
When I wrote "Take time as a friend", I actually used this kind of master key:
Having encountered the problem that must be solved, others are staring at the problem, but I can understand that I should go to other places to find the key...
Others want to understand, but found that time is not enough - this is the problem, is the problem that all people face, and then, think about this also seems to be not able to solve the problem through "management time" ah! What should I do? Go to other places to find keys! Invoking metacognitive ability moves attention away from the problem itself, continues thinking, and quickly finds the key:
You manage yourself well, think of ways to do the right thing. This is the most important thing. Then think of ways to find the right way. Even if the way of doing things is wrong, it does not matter. After all, it can be corrected; even if it is inefficient, it can be accepted. After all, as long as it is done there is accumulation...
The same is true of making money. Folk has long had such observations:
You chase money, can't catch up with money, money chasing you, you can't run...
Listening is very irritating, but most people can not understand it, but it is the ultimate majority of people have to admit it - really make most people helpless! To know that helplessness is almost the root cause of all bad feelings.
In 2016, my friends saw me earn a lot of money by writing. Not only did I earn a lot of money, but also donated the money after I paid taxes... However, in 2005, I wrote a blog online. This is not really a plan to make money. At that time, writing on the Internet did not make any money, and even the "attention" that was actually easy to harvest was not much. At that time, we used the simplest way to make money in other places (selling our own time, or trying to increase our own time unit price) so that we could do something that was a little interested in and did not work well.
After more than ten years, the Internet has connected everyone, and mobile electronic payments have suddenly become almost instantaneous done and the cost has been close to zero. The realization of the content has suddenly become a “trend”. Suddenly, the people who were good at creating and spreading the production were "easily" made money because of this skill, and even accompanied by countless other possibilities...
However, behind this, there is still the "master key" at work:
Others are looking at money, I also think that money is a problem, but I think the solution must be in other places ... In the end, I think that ability is more important, staring at their ability to see, staring at their ability to grow is true the "key" ah.
At the starting point, I not only have shortcomings, but even defective. Even today, I often say very seriously, "I am actually a disabled person" - this is not self-deprecating, it is not a joke, I am really Think so. However, people around me all know that I am a person who has been in a state of learning. I am a person who has always progressed a little every day. So, I have always been in this state:
Is getting better...
(Do you still remember the sentence you saw before? "Concern about value instead of price." I guess you may have to for a while to find the sentence...)
This week, I gave everyone a "master key". This master key is like this:
When you come across a locked lock, you should think that you should go another where else to find...
This master key can be used in many and many places, "a lot of usage", as much as the trick.
For example, many people are upset that their English has encountered a bottleneck, so they want to go back to recite the word or something... But the key is actually somewhere else: “Their own mother tongue is very poor!”
For another example, many parents are annoyed: "How could this child be so impatient?!" However, as parents they are impatient, and the children are actually copying their parents' behavior!
Even if it is not an exaggeration to say that many people think that "this world is too unfair" people actually never thought that it is probably not a problem in this world, not even a matter of fairness and unfairness, but whether they are worthy of The issue of being treated fairly...
Thinking and action
List three to five problems that you may not be able to solve for a long time, and then take out the master key to try. Can you imagine how long it will take to achieve this goal?