"As I am writing this post, I am being haunted by a mistake I have made, it pains me so much that I can't bring myself to forgive me from the most selfish act I made my entire life."
I t all started with a playful conversation, late night talks, discord was so dead yet we made it lively just the two of us. We talked about anything and everything under the sun, I enjoyed her company even during the busy days at work. I would sneak out to my personal computer just to check if she has left a message, messages like "lunch na, kain", those simple gestures from her, I liked it.
B ut little did I know that it would lead me something I would regret dearly. We were being drawn too close before I knew it, we started talking about personal matters, I commend her for her skills in writing while she admired me for my love for poetry. It was the first time that someone actually told me I am good at writing poems so I was dumbfounded. Overjoyed with her praises, I was getting attracted to her, I started flirting with her, even though someone's online sometimes we would just ignore them and go on with our charade, then after we knew it we were sharing mutual feelings for each other and ended up in an online relationship. But I forgot one very important thing...
I am a married man, me and my wife have been married for more than 8 years now, we recently celebrated our 8th year anniversary last January 29th. We have two wonderful kids, two mischievous boys full of energy and vigor just like me was when I was young. My wife, well she's the loving type, putting our needs and wants first before her own. She's the type anyone with senses would dream of marrying, and I am quite lucky and glad that she chose me over the other guy she's dating way, way back. But I was foolish.
L ittle did I know that my wife was being suspective of my gestures as of late, she became very observant, must be what they call "woman's instinct". She would observe how I giggled feverishly while chatting in discord, then I would change active windows whenever I sensed her ever watchful eyes. It was that late night of February 4th, at around 9 pm, when she finally broke her silence.
S he finally found out about my infidelity, depressed and infuriated she stormed out of our home and sought refuge under her mother's home. She stayed there for like an eternity to me. Although in reality she only stayed there for 2 days and 1 night. When my wife left me, I felt like a bird shot to the ground, everything went gray, all colors disappeared from the world, monochrome, that's how I see the world, even appetite left me, almost all my senses left me, during that 2 days without her I never ate anything, never went outside our bedroom, the same bedroom we shared when she was still here. Hell! I didn't even take a bath during that time, I even thought about taking my own life, ending it together with my misery. But amidst being in the depths of despair, I saw a ray f hope, my youngest son, he shared a little kids wisdom that I would never forget. "Families should stick together Pa, let's go fetch Mama so we can all be happy again, together." I broke into tears when I heard him said it to my face, I was on a roller coaster of emotions, from the depths of depression I was uplifted and a fire has been lit inside of me with my little wise man's word. I am going to win her back!
O n the second night, I went there. I first talked to her mother, asked for her forgiveness for the insolence. She entrusted her beloved daughter into my care but I failed her, I failed them both, I failed everyone. Then I swore in front of everyone that I would never ever do it again, I swore in front of my mother and mother in law, but most of all I swore in front of my children, that I would never lose sight of what's important again. I was like a child being punished and told to swear to never do it again, but nothing of it all mattered.
S o if ever I have a time machine, I would turn back time to the point where all of this pain started, I would give myself a good beating and make him wake up into the reality that he's being a jerk. So that no one would ever suffer because of my wrongdoings. Although a great deal of lessons was from after this disaster, I would still go back to the past to correct my mistakes. It is true that experiences and lessons are important for growth, but I would trade whatever lesson it is for a chance to purge all the hurt I have inflicted my loved ones. Not so I could have a clean conscience but because I don't like what I saw, I don't like how my wife cried while I sat there silently, looking at her, broken into pieces, I almost died inside.
This concludes my entry to @coderzairos' "If I have a Time Machine Writing Contest". If you want to join in, kindly follow the link provided in the title. Thanks for reading.
© @jamesanity06, 2018
Damo nga Salamat! Maraming Salamat po! Thank you Very Much!
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Sir James, this is a very brave confession! Mistakes are inevitable since we're human. But our humanity doesn't excuse us from doing mistakes -- especially when it involves hurting others. I'm glad that you have gained wisdom from this experience. I know that this lesson has already put a mark in your heart, so I'm confident you won't do it again! :) I hope things will get better for you and your wife. Comfort her, make her feel secure (again), and soon enough things will be as how they were. Fighting!
Thanks for the words of encouragement @chinitacharmer, it is indeed a lesson well learned and will always be remembered as long as I live. To never again hurt someone dear. Thanks for dropping by.
You're always welcome sir! All the best for this contest! :)
I think admitting that you were wrong is the bravest thing a man could do. Many of us have committed mistakes in our lives,but the most important thing is trying to put them back into track and swear that will never do it again
I may be foolish, but I am not fool enough not to admit my mistakes. It's the beauty of life, you learn as you make mistakes. Thanks for hosting such a great contest, and it ended up me confessing my foolishness.
Indeed mistakes are part of our lives
Thank you for joining
I agree with everyone. It takes courage to confess and discuss this here. I am speechless, I love your honesty and I love how you embraced your mistake and man up to your wife.
Thanks for dropping by Arnie, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. You make mistakes, you gotta face the consequences, and a man's got to take responsibility with his actions.
Tears just fell as I read your lines. I may not understand the pain you are suffering right now as the consequences of your actions but I could feel your wife's pain. I have been there. It never gets easy. The insecurities and the torment of not being able to fully trust again the love of your life are really hard to bear. I am just happy that you have realized your mistakes and decided to undo the past even if you couldn't. Be true to your words, always remember the day you realize how much you love and to vows you had said to each other. It may hard winning her trust back but the prize would be fulfilling. I wish you all the best.
Thanks for dropping by @ bhabykat, yes the struggle might be hard in winning her trust back, but now that she's returned home I won't miss a single opportunity to do so. As the saying goes "you break it, you fix it" there's no other way around it. Thanks for the words of encouragement. And I am sad to hear that you have to go through the same ordeal, I hope it's okay now.
You got a 2.99% upvote from @masterbot courtesy of @jamesanity06!
Tears fell on my eyes as I read what your son have said. I never thought that one guy could feel like that when he lost his wife because of infidelity coz as I have observed, men would be happy having their freedom to flirt with others then come back to their wives when their mistress left them. That, for me, is the usual scene but yours is different. I admire your braveness to share this here on steemit kuya @jamesanity06 let it be a lesson to take and never do it again ha. I can't imagine how painful it was to your wife but I know it's also painful to your side but what's important now is you have her back (as i read your SMILE entry). Let her feel the love that she deserves. Let her feel that you regret what you did. God bless you and your family :)
Thanks for the kind words of encouragement @allerie00, it is indeed painful on my part, but I am well aware that my pain is of no match if compared to how my wife felt. Thanks for dropping by, and may God bless you and keep you always as well...