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Dear Lord!kindly grant me a strong back...a forgiving heart and alot of patience and humility...everyday that passes i feel like am getting closer to the edge am being pushed towards.I know i shouldn't question why you took my mommy and daddy remarried an evil woman..but dear God..listen to my cry..am only 9 years to be taking in all these pain"..that had been my constant prayer after my dad moved in with this lady who saw a punching bag in me.I was instructed to always call her mom which i still do till today.she also came with a girl older than me whom i was told will be my sister from that day which she still is till this fateful day..
Till one morning as i cried to my God who had been my listening ear..my stepmom stormed in my room yelling..when she found me knelt and with tears covering my face...she lifted me up by the hem of the my overworn dress..questioning me..."unalia nini bado na sijakuguza??leo ndio utanijua"...she had beaten me up for not surrendering my one slice of bread to my younger brother whom at 6years wud down a whole loaf of bread and start crying for my one slice. She pulled my ear and slapped me continously saying how unworthy i am..and that i wasnt fit to live or eat in her house..i didn't struggle with her..i let her slap me all she wanted as i cried but in my heart ad slowly recite a psalm ....Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. I will dwell in the house forever...Whenever she'd beat me...i recited the verse in pain knowing maybe one day i'll be beaten up to death..atleast i was in goodterms with my maker...She stopped slapping me and called out for my younger brother.."Lee...niletee ile mwiko sisi hupika nayo chakula ya chama"...Lee asked with excitement.."mum nikuje nikusaidie kuchapa njeri??"..on hearing that..i knew that was the end of me...I had a rough relationship with a 100cm long and thick piece of wood that was used to mix ugali whenever there was chama at our place...that mwiko had already had my jaw dislocate twice..only now that i didn't know which part of me was next in the sequence of dislocation..
Part 2
Lee happily joined the party with a blow on my face and a drag to the bedroom..i called it my hell on earth.. Yeah..a 6 year old with that much strength. 63kgs by then, well fed(those kids you always refer to as kanono) and would easily lift a full 12kg gas cylinder leave alone giving me a blow.Back then...we lived in a neighbourhood where you would closely hear people's conversations in the next house.Well aware of this "mother" made me lie on the bed and covered my face with a pillow so that neighbours wouldnt hear my cry help as a means of precaution..She would hit my butt...and when things got too exciting..she wud go for my knees and elbow.They were her fav.So on this day she took the pillow, held it firmly on my face all trenched with tears and the party began..with Lee as the first perfoming artist.Amidst all the beating..screaming and suffocating...i would recite my psalm...but this time...it dint seem to work...unfortunately..Lee hit a wound yet to heal.Lee...Lee please..stop..please..you will kill me...for heavensake...please..stop...am begging you dear brother..please stop...screaming my lungs out..
"Whose son are you saying will kill you??Are you calling my Lee a murderer?"
Part 3
"Whose son are you saying will kill you??Are you calling my lee a murderer??"
She was prepared to defend her baby boy by all means..she sounded like a wounded lioness defending her cab.My words had really offended her and she was ready to storm back at me with alot of anger and bitterness.I would hear breathing heavily more like panting...Anger,fury and annoyance had taken the better part of her and was to show me wat she was made of. Njeri...only 9 years of age with no one to defend me, a late mother and a father too scared to offend his new bride.I had to fight my own battles, being in this world for less than a decade yet it already felt this tough. Children my age were playing with teddy bears and getting their faces painted while i was about to face war. War that i wasnt sure that i would come out alive. As small as i was i had already faced most forms of pain..emotional, psychological and ofcos physical pain which i was growing immune to. Most times i questioned God, questioned my beliefs and was ever upset at my guardian angel.He/she might have been asleep in their line of duty.But as i said earlier,God never puts you in a situation you cant handle. I had been to hell and back but was still alive. With many marks on my body,each with a story of its own and maybe by the time am done narrating..you'll know how many scars i have...
Part 4
Mommy passed on on the first aniversary of my birthday.Just when i turned one,on my birthday!!Death had gotten greedy and couldnt wait to snatch her from me when i least knew i needed her the most but well, no one is ever prepared enough to face death and neither was she.Mommy didnt know she would miss out on the chance to see her baby girl run up and down,reach out for anything and everything in the house and even hear me call her "ma".She never knew that the relationship with her bundle of joy was only to last for exactly one year and neither did i.Enjoying a mother's love was cancelled out from my list on the day i turned 12 months old.I would have a home but miss out on the love of both my parents.The saddest thing is that i was too little to take note of certain things i always wish i could remember about her like how she looked like,her face when she smiled, the sound of her voice and even the look on her face when i cried. I look at photos of her funeral and i see mini me smile at the camera pointing at the camera man not knowing that its a sad moment and that people were paying their last respect to one of the most important people in a child's life till i was old enough and saw our family photograph..Not very old but alittle worn out. It has folds as if someone once grabbed it and squeezed it on their palm in attempt to destroy it.The person may have been angry or in deep pain, the edges of this photo are abit torn and its the only photo of our small family of three.Only that one of us isnt breathing, the other one is in tears and over powered by grief and lastly alittle girl held but still trying to reach out for the flowers on the COFFIN.
