Toilets are designed by men.

First of all, I clean the commode like, every other day. And in cleaning, I find myself having to use Q-tips to get into crevices where I'm not sure how dirt (yea, let's call it dirt) even gets there. Who designed this?! Obviously a man, why? Cause he doesn't plan on cleaning it long! Sonsabitches.

Secondly, no matter how long your hair is, it will somehow touch filth or toilet water. My long (almost to my hind-quarters) hair has to not only be put back in a ponytail, but wrapped up AND pinned. I sometimes feel like wearing a shower cap, you know, JUST IN CASE. Men with anyting longer than a buzzcut obviously just use the convenience store down the street to avoid ever having to clean the damn thing.

Thirdly, why are the lids on the top of most toilets curved? You can't keep a bottle of Clorox wipes (as a hint, of course) on there to save your soul. You think it's balanced, and just as you sit down and there is quiet in your house and you are almost relaxed... BAM! That shit hits the floor like a bird hits a window. And now you are tense again.

Damn shame the good Lord didn't bless me with the know-how to design and build a self cleaning toilet.