Everyone likes to think that they are a born traveler; just give them a map and a ticket, and they’d never want to come home. But in reality, traveling isn’t for everyone. No, travel isn’t for most people—it’s grueling, expensive and tiresome. There are no guarantees it’ll open your mind, make you more thoughtful or even better than most other people. So what’s the point?
- Planning is actual work
Unless you are hideously wealthy, you’re probably scrimping and saving both cash and time off. So when it comes to taking a trip, you don’t want to spend your hard-earning resources on dingy hotels or at holiday spots that are past their prime. Going all CSI:Zihuatanejo is fun at first, but that turns to stress; should you pay for your hotel now, that way you know you have it? Fisheye lenses and good lighting can make even the crustiest room charming in photos, but sometimes resorts use just old snapshots to lure in guests. The people lounging in the pool in the pictures should still be alive somewhere.
- You will go broke doing it
Even if you plan a trip with extra padding for taxi fare and museum entry fees, there will always be surprises and changes that you’ll have to throw money at. Whether it’s paying extra for AC, airport fees or tips, it’s easy to come home in debt. Missed flights, sickness or even bad weather can sabotage even the thriftiest trips. Booking discount tickets sometimes means code-sharing portions of the trip with small, regional airlines—meaning you could get hit with double baggage charges when you switch planes.
- You leave tomorrow, and nothing is done
Have you watered the plants? Paid the bills? Cleaned the fridge? Found the right kennel for the dog, or a decent house sitter? If you don’t want to come back to a mess, sometimes it means that you’ll be vacuuming a few hours before your flight. Planning ahead can go a long way, but there are always last minute tasks that seem to pop up when all you want to do is focus on your trip. And that’s assuming nothing comes up while you’re away—hard to be blissed out when your house could be on fire.
- Airports are the First Circle of Hell
It’s easy to be wistful about airports; people embarking on adventures, lovers reuniting, big windows overlooking the runway to sip your coffee and watch the world go by. Also the hordes of haggard, irritable people who don’t share that sentiment. Your enthusiasm begins to dwindle with the endless lines, and if isn’t gone completely when you have to juggle shoes, boarding passes and passports while strangers use the backs of their hands to lightly massage your person, the $6 cup of crappy coffee that you suddenly need to survive will indeed rob you of any excitement you had about airports.
- You’re about to spend a few days simply waiting
Unless you are hopping a bullet train to the next town over, it takes ages to get anywhere. Take your average plane ticket to Southeast Asia; a discount ticket from LA to Bangkok runs about $450, and takes 32 hours. After calculating the drive time to the airport, add the mandatory two hours for check-in and security, as well as a few hours for bag collection and travel to your accommodation, and that brings the realistic time spent traveling to 36 hours. 36 hours where all kinds of things can and will not go according to plan. If you don’t sleep well on planes, being awake for that long can make you feel like death. Factor in the time it takes to adjust, and you can kiss at least two of your vacation days goodbye.
- You have to rely on other people for everything
Unless you plan to self-cater your meals or rent a car, you’ll constantly be negotiating prices and planning logistics. Your basic needs are in the hands of sometimes apathetic service people. Throw in a language barrier, and you could be ordering food that you’ll never eat. Hop in a cab and the cabbie nods knowingly and smiles when you tell him your destination; an hour later, you’re at waterpark when you thought asked to go to the beach. It’s nice at first to be taken care of, but after awhile you’ll probably start fantasizing about driving yourself places instead of hailing a cab and then hanging out while the criss-cross the city to your destination. You’ll also have to tip everyone that is helping you all the time, further murdering your budget.
- You are probably going to starve
Unless you are heading to a gastronomic destination, you might be setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment. Many cuisines are mis-represented outside their home country. Ordering the General Tso’s Chicken in Shanghai will probably be met with more than a few blank stares. The sheer amount of time it takes to eat a meat at a restaurant is considerable; if you are eating out for three meals a day, it can seem like you move seamlessly from one meal to the next. Trying to find a good restaurant can be daunting; instead, in the spirit of adventure, you can order something you don’t want to eat but will still pay for.
- Beaches are awful
Nice in person but considerably better in theory, nothing quite epitomizes relaxation quite like a wide, sandy beach. But don’t objectify that incredible ecosystem down to patch of substrate merely for your pleasure. The sand itself will become part of you. Whether you’re eating it, picking it out of your scalp, or accidentally filling your shoes, purse, pockets, cell phone or current reading material with sand, it’s with you from now on. Even the most beautiful beaches can be rife with sand flies—abhorrent little beasts whose bites leave itchy blisters for days after.
Whatever precious beach animal—be it pig, dog or goat—that’s roaming the sand is also using it for a litterbox. And if you can find a beach that’s devoid of annoying people, it’s probably because it’s lousy with jellyfish.
- Meeting New People is awkward
Getting to know other travelers on the road is the stuff folk songs are made of. You meet a cool couple from Italy in a hostel and before you know it the husband tries to kiss you when he’s drunk, tipping off a marital spat that leaves you fleeing in the middle of the night. Or maybe you’re just checking out some ruins when a really friendly girl from Seattle befriends you and then enlists your help in finding her way back to her hotel, ordering her food, hailing a bus or fixing her sunglasses while she over-shares about her mundane life. The long traveler who clings to you and won’t be shaken. Then there’s the people you drank with in a pub that cornered you for two hours to unload the last 4 months of their life, because you were the first person who’s even remotely understood them since they left home. Even when you do meet a perfectly nice person, you’ll have to accept that the chances of you ever seeing them again are incredibly slim.
- You will be sick the entire time
From the moment you enter the festering, cramped tin can that is a commuter airplane, you’ll be sharing air and surfaces with dozens of strangers. The flight attendants serve as vectors, transporting germs up and down the aisles with ease. The rest of your travels you will be sharing very public spaces with lots of people, eating and drinking things you never have. You will be literally showering in water of questionable origin, sleeping in a bed that hundreds if not thousands of people before you have slept in. A simple mosquito bite can result in life-threatening disease. Consuming ice, coffee or smoothies can be risky. Having traveler’s diarrhea is inevitable, as is the lack of public toilets.