Between mother and daughter... and the gap of freedom that separates them

budgetbucketlist (67)in #travel • 8 years ago (edited)

Hello daughter,

I hope you received your new bank passes, credit cards, internetbanking-readers, vaccine documentation and iPod from the stewardess that helped us out. I added a little bum bag, because that might come in handy. As your safe-bag is obviously stolen, you might need some other accessories to safely store your important belongings, separated this time. I also sent along some card-sleeves, because you may never lose anything ever again. I don’t know how to advise you about storing your important belongings in a safe matter, because for some reason you are always out and about surrounded by strangers.

You are on the road since 3 years now and I actually thought you would have settled down somewhere by now at a place you felt you wanted to stay a bit longer, if only temporary. I know another relationship didn’t work out and you are continuing with your life like you always do. And you know I understand you need to live your life how you want it, but often I am really concerned about all the risks you are taking. I notice that recently I’m struggling with this feeling more and more, especially now someone robbed you.

I talked about this with your father.

It’s an ongoing thought existing in the background, we live in a constant fear that something will ever happen to you.

They could rob you again. You could get really sick. You could have an accident. Just fill in the rest! You don’t even want to commit to a travel- or health insurance and you have no permanent place of residence. You are so far away from here.

You shouldn’t think about this too lightly. It’s not just (in your eyes) your stressful mother who thinks about it this way. This doesn’t have anything to do with stress. It’s real because no one wants anything bad to happen to their child.

And especially not if that child is so far away from you all the time. Now this has happened we have to face the facts again. I hope you can imagine what I’m going through, please don’t dismiss this as excessive concerns or nonsense. It’s important to me to once again tell you this side of the story and how it makes us feel.

I hope you take very good care of yourself and wish you a pleasant continuation of your journey. Please give us a sign of life frequently and consider that there are people here that only wish that everything is well with you, now and in the future.

Lot of love,

Your mother

Hi mum,

You are right, this is a side of the story I am definitely fully aware of. And I can imagine this is really difficult for the two of you, I apologize for what I make you go through. But you will have to find a way to live with it, because this is how I decided to lead my life. My travels aren’t a way of finding out what I want to do with my life, like for many longer-term travelers out there, the journey in itself is what I want.

I realize that makes me an exception to almost our entire society. The fact that my relationships don’t eternally last has nothing to do with the men I choose, nor the places or countries they live in, it has to do with me. I can’t and won’t stay in one single place, it messes with me on a psychological level. I’m pretty convinced that this isn’t a phase, the years of my youth in which I more or less stayed on the same geographic location was a necessary phase that has ended now and is unlikely to be repeated ever again. I simply can’t and don’t want to do it anymore, it suffocates me, it makes me an intensely unhappy human-being which in turn makes it impossible to maintain any relationship (how can one make another happy without being happy herself?). And I have peace with that. To me, love relationships are enjoyable but not an end goal in itself.

If I can love myself and the decisions I make beyond external influence, then I can experience happiness in its purest form.

If I get a healthy and pleasant relationship on the side, excellent, but I would never give up my own dreams for a man. Even if I love him with all my soul.

You probably already know deep inside that you shouldn’t expect any grandchildren from me, nor a princess-wedding… that’s just not me. The lifestyle I have right now suits me, including the risks it involves. I accept those. And it’s up to you to decide if you are going to accept it as well or not, but that won’t change a single thing. I’m very alert, fearless and it’s quite a challenge to get me, that´s why I’m already traveling for 3 years with relatively very little bad stuff happening to me… but preventing anything negative to happen is an illusion. In every life that would be an illusion. They broke into your car once, some assholes threw a stone through your window which could have wounded you really badly, dad had several traffic accidents… you know, that’s life.

After those incidents I didn’t send you messages telling I’m worried or you guys should be more careful, because those are risks that are part of living and you’ll have to deal with them every now and then. Both of us could get into an accident tomorrow, or being raped around the corner or being shot in the head. Both of us. We can’t prevent that when looking at the bigger picture. Are we assuming it happens? Of course not. So why worry? It’s like walking outside in sunny weather under an umbrella in case it might rain at some point.

Mum, I rather die tomorrow knowing I got everything out of my life that was in it, that I did every single thing I wanted to do, than dying at an old age looking back on a life of excessive cautiousness and missed opportunities.

So yes, of course it’s fine you talk with dad about this. Being parents of the same person, who does everything that’s miles out of both of your comfort zones, I assume you could find moral support in those conversations. But keep in the back of your head that you can’t change anything with that. The two of you brought a person into this world that isn’t your copy but a new individual, who on top of that also broke loose from everything you and the society you live perceives as ‘normal’. A person making her own choices independent of what you both think about that.

I hold personal opinions about your lifestyles too, looking at the way how you deal with life emotionally or how dad slaves his life away (and for what?). I see a woman who is disappointed with what life has offered her, who expected something different and doubts herself and the people around her at all times, anxious for every unexpected turn life has in store for her. And a man who doesn’t know any other reality than working 12 hours a day, exchanging all hours of his life for an abundance in material goods he can’t even store in his 2 houses anymore, without time to actually enjoy anything. By no means I want to offend either one of you, this is just my observation like you have yours about me. In those observations I find every reason and argument why I want to design my life differently.

I understand you both had this lovely picture in your heads of this intelligent daughter who would run as fast into her successful career as how gloriously she finished her high-end education. You know, I tried it, but what a disillusion that was! The dullness, the mind-numbing routine and the waste of precious lifetime... I will never do that again, I will never get those 3 young and fit years back that I spent in some office, which is a mistake from which I learned. Perhaps you think I’m wasting my education and capacities, but nothing is farther from the truth. Opposed to most of my prior classmates I’m implementing all this knowledge I gained on a daily basis.

I live reality on a world wide level, looking through spectacles formed by my knowledge.

I’m getting to the core of understanding some ‘why’s’ of the world and I’m developing a thorough insight into her cultures, processes, mechanisms and connections, because I studied all of that and now I have the opportunity to watch the reality behind all of that unfold itself in a wide variety of contexts. The knowledge I accumulated and the brain training I was exposed to allows me to absorb language after language with profound practical exercise. You recently met someone who was studying her 9th language? Me neither, maybe that chick in the mirror.

Every day I visit museums, observe nature, experience cultures at all side of the spectrum and immerse into a never-ending diversity of mentalities and ways of thinking what continuously shines a different light on facts and current events, without getting entangled in stereotypes or prejudices (because you start to understand why they think like that). I know how to be alone and at the same time how to function in diverse roles in groups, how to analyze risks or make decisions and how to take responsibility for myself and my actions. I’m independent and don’t need anyone, company is always a choice.

For me, this is a way of existence I aspired to my entire life. And from here the only way is up.

My education lead me into the right direction, it made me a free-thinking person as first you learn how to think like the system but if you study even more and beyond you learn how to question that.

Every day this development continues.

I know our society measures success financially, as a career, material possessions, money-money-money. But I grew far passed that point. I live for myself as no one is my boss, I don’t have an impressive bank account but I have quite an impressive life.

Of course, to entirely escape the monetary system is a challenge. It’s of course possible, but it entails far-reaching consequences. So also with that I received support from my education: because let’s face it, who doesn’t hire me? Without wanting to sound like an arrogant brat, those 2 ‘with honour’ and ‘cum laude’ university titles, my language competence, my knowledge of almost 50 countries… up until know it has opened every single door of any company I ever wanted to work at, even more abroad. Cool. Because you and dad never heard me begging for money, did you? You could therefore say my education has facilitated the most beautiful state of being that exists: freedom.

I hope you understand what I’m trying to say to you with way too many words. And if you don’t, well, too bad. Of course you can forward this to dad, please do, because from both parents he’s the one that understands me the least. Please know I love you both as you are and I’m grateful for every single thing you have done for me. Every kind of relationship has the inevitable drawbacks and issues, but at the end of the day your intuition teaches you who deserves that love.

Stephanie

Until we meet.

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8 years ago in #travel by budgetbucketlist (67)

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mammasitta (70) 8 years ago

I only read half way through and I am deeply touched....I will read on....