Home is Where the Heart Is
@daily-musings Travel Blog #2
Self-discovery in Spain
Earlier this year, external chaos in my family shined a spotlight onto my own internal chaos and from somewhere deep inside of me, I felt a calling for inner and outer exploration. I had begun to realize that my days were just dull repeats of the previous, and as hard as I tried to "stay positive" I was not listening to the beating of my own heart.
This calling manifested as leaving the safety of my corporate job for a great unknown. I needed to travel abroad, pull up my anchor and leave the safety of the sheltered harbor I had dutifully resided in since graduating university. I needed look deep within, and determine which actions I had taken due to external pressures, and which where in harmony with the wisdom of my heart.
Thankfully, most of my friends and family were understanding and supportive. However, I felt a twinge of insecurity when people delved too deep into questioning on my motives or goals for the spontaneous change. I didn't have a chart or graph that could quantitatively depict what a successful year would look like for me. Frequently I was asked, "But what will you do when you get back?" To me, this was almost an afterthought. "I'll figure it out," was my usual reply, which is unlike me. For every hypothetical situation, I usually have an spreadsheet that can neatly guide me towards the most efficient path. Call in naivety or call it faith, but I know that I need this time of reflection.
Like all plans, God seems to laugh at my assumptions about destiny. Instead of going to Ireland in May to ride horses and travel by myself as planned, I broke my ankle a week before my flight to Dublin. After crying about my horrible luck for an hour or so, my boyfriend suggested we take a road trip around the country. He works remotely, and I would have some time to let my bones heal, sight see, and work on my own creative projects.
So that's what we did. We spent two months driving from Colorado, then California, Oregon Washington, Montana, Wyoming, South Dakota, Kansas, Missouri, Tennessee and then all the way back to Florida. I was able to visit with family and friends along the way, see the country, write, paint, think, and read books that fed my soul. I had time to watch the terrain around me fade from red rock desert, to flowers and palm trees, then pine filled mountains and grass filled meadows. I had time to watch my thought patterns ceaseless search for to-do lists and "progress," and then settle into peaceful curiosity. I had time to watch the earth bloom with early summer growth, and see the sunshine come out in my heart. I had time to drive past my childhood home, while listening to a Dixie Chicks song from a CD I bought when I was 10. I had time to marvel at the fact that home is not a place, but a concept, and it's always inside of me.
Professionally, I'm not sure how I'll explain this gap on my resume, but I've determined that if it's an issue for a future employer, it's probably not the right place for me to work anyway. Having the dedicated time to educate myself, and start turning up the volume of my inner voice was priceless. I hadn't even realized how hectically I had sped through my weeks in the past. It was like how you don't realize there is a continual buzz of electricity in a house, until the power goes out and reboots.
Prior to breaking my ankle, I booked a yoga teacher training in Catalonia, Spain. It just so happened that my ankle healed in the perfect time, and my doctor gave me the all clear. So on August 3rd, determined to still have my solo pilgrimage in a foreign land, I packed a (very large) backpack, and got on a flight to Spain all by myself.
As soon as I arrived at the retreat center, I knew that all the struggles this year were part of a divine plan for me. I felt it immediately. Perhaps this yoga teacher training would not have meant as much to me had I not just healed a broken bone. I now appreciate the health of my body in a profoundly deeper way. Perhaps I was meant to spend those two months travelling the states with my boyfriend, confined in a car, our weaknesses and tensions amplified by the small space, yet growing stronger for it. All I can say for sure is that when I arrived, I felt profound peace, and knew I was in the right place.
Located in Aiguafreda, certain parts of the sprawling grounds date back to the 11th century, and are still standing in their terracotta-colored stone glory. A Buddhist monastery used to inhabit the home before it was Comunidad Omshanti yoga center, and the house still resonates with that peaceful energy. The home is cheerfully alive with the sounds of 20 of my newest friends from all over the world. And here, my story of pilgrimage is not unconventional, we are all trying to shine the light within us a litter brighter.
I just finished my first week of yoga teacher training, and I have three more weeks to go. On the first day, we chose a mantra to keep in our thoughts as we move through this experience. My mantra is "You are safe in your authenticity." In my life, I've noticed I've had the most tension and dissatisfaction when I'm modifying my thoughts and actions to fit with other peoples expectations of me, or how I think I "should" be. The tension dissolves when I act according to my own knowledge of myself, so no matter the external circumstances I can find security in knowing that I'm expressing my own truth an creativity in an authentic way.
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If you had to pick, what would be your mantra or intention?
Every week I'll post a new blog post to keep my thoughts in order, and to share this experience with those of you on Steemit. Let me know if you're interested in the yogic philosophy I'm learning about, and I'll cover a bit of that in my next blog post as well.
As always, thanks for reading Steemians!
Great to have news from you !!!
My mantra is " There's a plan", and I am actually reassured by knowing that things are predetermined.
I learn how to adapt whn I am not fully in control of a situation.
We are in South Africa for now but eventually i want to go back to France with my wife and kids, so I know it will happen on its own term.
I agree with staying true to yourself, that's my philosophy!
That's a great mantra! I'm a firm believer that our truest desires, when rooted in love, will come to fruition when the time is right. In the meantime the situations we're in are meant to teach us something.
There might be a person in South Africa who is the key connection for your family to move back to France in the best way. And for your kids, I bet there's loads to gain by experiencing cultures of another place.
Is France where you're from originally, or a place that you loved living?
Yes I am french, and I haven't set a foot there for the last 5 years, so that might be interesting. It will be a first for my wife and the children too, I can't wait to see how they react to the culture and the artchitecture, the food, etc...
So what's your next step from here?
Great blog and thanks for sharing the journey. Life isn't meant to be easy but as long as we stay true to ourselves and not let it get bogged down by others, do what ever you want!
My mantra is like @edprivat's but slightly different which is "The Universe has a plan" - not to say "be lazy" but if you choose to do something or there's a really tough time happening to you, there's a reason for it.
Yes so true. The universe has a plan for us. Like you said it's not laziness, it's about giving up expectations of results and giving 100% of myself to create a life motivated by love and joy, and the universe will respond in the way that's appropriate. Trying to conceptualize the univerise's response to our actions is like trying to empty the ocean with a bucket. 🙂
We still have to take action. Just sitting and thinking isn't going to get us anywhere :) So you've done the very brave thing and taking action to make your life better!
BTW did you get the "You are a badass" book?