Welcome.
Well done for making it through to the final round. While it may seem like a general call to action, only a very select few are being considered for this position. People with no money, for instance, have long been eliminated from the race, as have sleazebags and perverts. You reading this marks you out as a highly intellectual, respectable, and dare one say individual of some means. From the bottom of our hearts, well done.
Now, onward to the task of hand - ever find yourself clutching your temples in despair, staring at all those piles of money you don't know what to do with? Digital money, myes. It is only metaphorical staring, sir, do not fret. Well as a matter of fact, your time for fretting is over - we have come up with the perfect solution. How would you like to become...
... the reputable, refined, esteemed, dare we say handsome patron of a young, attractive bonne vivante?
bon vivant [noun] : a sociable person who has cultivated and refined tastes especially with respect to food and drink | She has become a bon vivant since moving to the city.
Once a fine establishment in its own right, we live today in harsh times which threaten even the ancient, noble art of bon-vivantry. With inflation being what it is, plane tickets and rent sky-rocketing, not to mention the sheer audacity in price of a pain au chocolat, bon vivants the world over are becoming something of a rare breed.
We are facing a very serious crisis. Fortunately, you can help.
As the sponsor of this particular bonne vivante, you will be invited to:
- Contribute financially to the young lady's wandering, rambling, and indeed sampling of haute cuisine (and sometimes less than haute cuisine - keeping her in constant pastries, cakes, coffee and perhaps some spirits will do quite superbly);
- Encourage tourism in a city of the lady's choice - what better way to encourage tourists to spend their hard-earned cash in a foreign city than having pretty girls sit lazily about, enjoying a croissant in a cafe window somewhere?
- Sample a diverse range of travelogues and postcards, all featuring the aforementioned bonne vivante - we would never stoop so low as to attempt a swindle, sirrah, when you pay for bon-vivantry, you can rest assured it is done properly.
The future of this antique trade is in your hands (and wallet), as is the happiness of this lovely fresh-faced thing, who has spent years training in the fine art of living well and looking quite fetching at sidewalk cafes, beer gardens, restaurants, beaches, and any other temples of the dolce far niente variety. It is, by all accounts, a grueling education, one that this superb four-limbed person risks wasting, all on a flimsy, low-class detail like money.
Now, it is true we are traversing a difficult period. Social and political uncertainty seem to lurk around every corner. It's times like these when we ought to band together, seek out ways in which we can foster joy, community, satiety, and similar qualities. Those noble, worth-living-for values that separate us humans from apes, nowhere better enshrined than in the life of the modern-day bonne vivante.
We would never be quite so crass as to require your private information so openly. A mere signal of interest in the comments will do and our team will be in touch privately to determine such details as name, precise depth of pocket, number of plane rides, Airbnbs, coffees and pastries you're able to sponsor, and so on.
It's a high peak, but together, we can climb it. Thank you for your attention.
Yours (for a TBD fee),
La Bonne Vivante
A bonne vivante worthy of her name cannot do without a maid/housekeeper/cook so I would like to put in an application before word gets out. Will travel at a moment's notice. Room and board will do.
Hmm compelling argument you raise, good lady. Very well, you shall be added to our list of requirements. Much gratitude.
@slobberchops