Time in the air always gives me a pause from the daily rhythms and lets my mind float around to contemplate my life. Tonight my plane chased the setting sun as it flew east to west from New York to Portland and I watched the continuous sunset in the blood red sky for nearly 3 hours of the 6 I was flying, it was extraordinary.
This trip was a good one. Really effective presentations at architectural and interiors firms, really nice and long overdue time with the various branches of my family, some time with steemit friends, some amazing art at the Metropolitan Museum, and endless walking around New York City.
Cupid and Psyche really moved me
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But what’s on my mind as I fly home are the new possibilities that have opened up in my life recently. I feel like I’m stepping into a new chapter of my life and although I can feel the general outline of the changes, the details aren’t clear yet.
About a month ago @ashleykalila asked me to participate in her Humans of Steemit project. Filling out her questionnaire was somewhat of an illuminating experience for me.
As I worked my way through her long list of questions, there was one that kind of stumped me: “Describe your ideal life”. This isn’t an unusual question but I kept putting off answering it and then I felt annoyed about having to. When I looked underneath that irritation, I found a well of frustration and even a bit of despair - all the result of various disappointments.
There was a time not so long ago when I used to dream big and knew what my dreams were. But recently after many years of chasing dreams that I thought were leading me somewhere, I’ve realized that I wasn’t really getting where I wanted to go and that I didn’t much like this place my life had taken me so far.
Things just hadn’t turned out as I’d hoped and I now see in retrospect that to protect myself, I stopped considering what I actually wanted and instead just chose from what was in front of me. Honestly I didn’t realize that I’d stopped knowing what I really want! I had never imagined this would happen to me, that I would be halfway through my life and be one of those people who felt disillusioned. But it did happen and I’m just thankful that it only lasted a year or 2.
So this question about what my ideal life looks like has prompted me to ask myself over and over about what I actually want. Not what I should do, not what would move my career forward, not what will do well in today’s current market, but what actually makes butterflies fly around my insides to imagine doing?
It’s so powerful to have the permission to play with possibilities whether they are realistic or not and I’m quickly discovering what kinds of things make me come alive. What’s most important for now is to be able to dream and touch in with my passion and desire rather than to get stuck on details since I trust that the right ideas will come together in the right ways. And while I haven’t defined the entire shape of “my ideal life” I am starting to see little pieces, and they keep growing. This is incredibly exciting and I feel a kind of new lease on life.
Something that keeps coming up is a hunger to have complete creative freedom with an art project or a few art projects. You see, I’ve been making ceramic commissions for years and years and now I wonder what I might like to make if I have the choice to work outside of the parameters of a commission.
Commissions by definition mean working specifically within someone else’s guidelines, of concept, space, timeline, budget. I’m the first to say that these limits give rise to great creativity and I’ve always appreciated the challenges presented, but I also crave the balance of some work that allows for exploration and isn’t tied to an end product determined by someone else.
When I think about this, a different paradigm arises in my mind. One where I can explore different avenues to see what will come together as a finished piece. One that includes travel and working in collaboration with artists in other parts of the world. One that pays me well for my explorations, curiosity and process. And in all my imaginings, I’m really loving the entire process of making, of relationship, and the storytelling about this process makes the whole thing make sense and have even more meaning. Ahhh the magical possibilities for a creative with Steemit in my world!
How profound it is to be able to dream, to feel the world open up for me again after feeling so compressed and trapped. To have this fresh air of possibility blow through my window is more rich and beautiful than I can say. At times I can hardly contain my excitement, amazement and gratitude at my good fortune.
Even though I can’t see it all yet, I can feel it and my progress and action will depend on trusting that crypto won’t all come crashing down. But most of all, trusting Steemit and you my community. Trusting that you’ll be by my side to support me through my explorations and my journey.
I want to thank Ashley for her project and for including me in it. I was honored to be chosen
and so grateful for the mindspace that has opened up as a result. And I thank all of you for your amazing support which is enabling me to create a life that brings me joy!
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early morning flying west to east through the dirty window
May I say, I enjoyed reading Every Single Word LOL. Many blogs dont capture me like this one did. I think it was amazing how that one question caused you to take the step back in order to evaluate your position in life and where you want to be. I always believe any positive change has to start with a dream to build off of, much like a builder uses the house plans.
I look forward to tagging along for the ride to see how this shapes up for you. Isnt if fabulous how all over this platform little bits of goodness are springing up everywhere. I really think we have something special here in this site...we are really starting to make some ripples...
Somehow I missed your awesome comment, so glad I'm seeing it now!! Thanks for reading and commenting so thoughtfully and I just LOVE what you say here -
Thanks for your friendship :-))
Amazing description. Gave me chills.
I really wish you to accomplish all the things you dreamt as an ideal life. Looks like you already started.
An upvote is the least i could do. Thumbs up for you
PS. The fotos are amazing
Thank you for your incredibly kind wishes!!
It's easy for me to say that you should make something ceramic for yourself...I don't know you well enough to say that. But I do think it is important for us to explore our creative urges when we have the opportunity. I really like that Oceana exhibit as well. Thanks for sharing your adventure.
thanks @coldsteem, I agree that yes something ceramic for myself is definitely in order and lots more! Thanks for your support and for taking the time to read my post.
I applaud you for having the courage to pursue and manifest your dreams. The more people I meet in crypto-circles, the more I realize the hunger for freedom is the common theme. We spoke with Matt McKibbin the other day and he said he's letting go of all expectations of how he thinks the future will turn out from this point forward and is just "going with the flow". Great post, Ruth, and best of luck in your journey!
Thank you Eric, I am really grateful for your support and friendship. And it's true what you say - this common theme of a hunger for freedom among us cryptos...maybe that's part of the reason steemit is such a good match for all of us since it enables freedoms none of us could have imagined a few years ago! And I may try on for size Matt Mckibbin's outlook ;-).
Thanks for sharing this very personal note. I definitely relate to this desire to create work that is wholly your own and not driven or commissioned by someone else. I wish you the best in finding what you're looking for! I really believe Steemit is one of the main avenues for getting artists like us to that level of creative independence we're seeking. Looking forward to seeing some of the projects that come out of these new explorations!
Many thanks @erb for your support, it means a lot coming from a fellow creative who is also working in similar paradigms as I am. May Steemit truly open the doors to creative freedom for all of us!
That was a great read. It spoke to me.
At this point in time, I cannot express in words a coherent reply.
I look forward to meeting you at the Portland Meet Up.
I completely understand how something can resonate yet not having anything to say about it just yet! I really look forward to meeting you too.
Quite a journey indeed, to ponder these thoughts of the creative life. And hard to get a grip on, I am sure. Though sounds like you are on your way. Not an easy thing to do, I applaud you for it.
The idea of commissions is interesting, and an unfortunate part of the necessity of life to have to make a living. Let's hope as you say, Steemit continues in the direction to make this a complete possibility.
Your ideas about collaboration are great. I love the collaboration-al end of creativity. More than one creative mind working together is one of the amazingly enjoyable parts of life. It has the potential to go anywhere it desires. Which is why I get the butterflies you discuss (I like that), when combining writing and photography here on Steemit...it can go wherever it wants. And so often does. (Why ELSE would I stay up until 5 AM without leaving the chair, all excited about what's going on on the screen. Very special indeed). The true joys of life.
With your skill set and friends all over the world, that collaboration seems like it would be so possible, and a real creatively exciting and fun realm to enter into.
Thanks for sharing this part of your artistic journey on here. Steemit is so much like all of life, a changing, morphing ecosystem in itself. Which is exciting, and sometimes a bit...not scary, but something excitingly close to it. Onward we go into the Steem cloud of the unknown. I wish you well in this journey, though I'm quite sure you are going to do just grand, once you take the leap.
what a wonderful comment @ddschteinn, thank you for your encouragement and support! Sounds like you are also a collaborator at heart - I've learned that not everyone is. Let's walk together on this path of discovering our way, our how!
This great traveling..... i appreciate this post. best of luck
Quick response now!
Proper response later!
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Thanks sweetie
Wow, super cool! Love all the photography.
Oh my dear Ruth,
As promised here is the longer answer that I wanted to give you but didn't have the time to yet.
I am honoured that doing @humansofsteemit has had such an profound positive impact on you! (The post will be up soon btw!)
In the depths of my heart I can admit that this is what I am here to do.
To move people into their own authenticity and to shed what doesn't serve them anymore.
Reading your post just touches me immensely and I feel truly blessed!
Happy to have you as my Steemit friend.
You are truly a magnificent goddess!
your all photography are so amazing..your travel story so good dear..i like so much thanks for sharing..
This is a great article that pushes us to think. In fact, many people live those dreams that seem to them comfortable, important. And it seems that they even bring pleasure. But deep down, there's a little worm that says,"That's not exactly what you wanted." And if we listen to your worm, we become on the path of self-knowledge. What does our heart really aspire to? Do we fulfill our own dreams? And it is within our power to make our real dreams and aspirations a reality. It is certainly difficult to start again. But it will give you harmony and bring happiness. It's never too late to start a new way.
Nice
do not forget visit our steemit and upvote, thanks.
@ryanrizky
Very good
nice sunset
Everything you say here is really deep - as always, but maybe a bit more.
We're talked a lot in private so you know I agree to most and to be frank this post calmed me down a bit (hard day).
Even though, when I fly I usually eat or sleep haha never think! That's my meditation - I feel like breathing, not thinking!! But I see what you're saying! ;) Welcome back (well, there...not here :/ ) and catch up soon :* Resteemed! :D
OMG! Nice your post. Good shot
Very good GIF! i'm jealous