This is easy to relate to. I keep going back and forth between regular work and trying to "make things" hoping that one of these days "making things" manages to pay rent. It hasn't, mostly because I don't want to work with people who see my art as a product. I also don't want to appeal to people's socialized impulses, so I've tried to avoid becoming a YouTube personality and just let my art stand alone. So far steemit has been the best success I've had sharing the ideas I'd love to share. Patreon is really hard because there is no community. You basically have to be social-media-savvy which to me is just marketing, something I'm ok with a little bit of but nothing I want to get too tied up in. I want to build a community, not a fan base. So I used the little money I had to open a community space/studio/cafe, I guess we were a bit too idealistic with our pay-what-you-want model and now we have to give up the space. It seems there isn't really much of a place in this world for people who don't want to do BUSINESS but I'll keep working to make s place for us. It seems steemit is full of potential allies.
I'm also struggling with that "do I go back to regular work?" question. It seems like do that or constantly be pushed around by market forces, landlords, and things that are out of your control. But finding balance inside makes it all easier. At least I feel that I'm always getting closer and if I go back into regular society, it'll be for the purpose of building something real that will actually last, not to get stuck there.
I hear you, I guess this is what the artists, writers and all people who create out of passion and love for work feel, there's this having to put something on the table and at the same time, keeping our principles and beliefs. Marketing our work can be annoying, but then life gets in the way.
I appreciate your words, you have my full upvote. Keep creating.