We have the Lovely @alchemage to thank for this very deep and personal question. I think I speak for a lot of us when I say that a few tears were shed upon writing this and also reading/watching other tribe members contribution. I am so glad that we have these questions, questions that are encouraging us to really dig deep, to remember and honour those things that have brought us pain and to allow ourselves to heal some more.
When we want to bring about change in the world, it has to first come from us. We need to really get to know ourselves and find ways that help us become who we wish to be. Acceptance is key, acceptance and self love. When dealing with a loved one who displays destructive tendencies, this really is paramount. We need to accept them for who they are and we need to accept whether or not they wish to change. That is their choice.
It is never our place to change someone else. We can be present for them, listen to then and act as a light to brighten their way. But you cannot help anyone unless they wish to be helped.
Each Tribe Member who answered this question, has shared their personal experiences and the lessons that they have learned. Enjoy these heartfelt answers and remember to show your appreciation by upvoting and commenting. You can go one step further by following the TribesteemUp Curation Trail, this way way you are supporting all the great authors who are creating quality content.
I'll leave you all with this song that @riverflows featured in her post by Johnny Cash, Hurt.
How Does One Deal With/Accept A Loved One Who Displays Self-Destructive Tendencies? (TSU Bi-Weekly Question)
@flauwy
A Person In Darkness Doesn't Want To Hear Your 'Good Advice'
The first problem I have with people who want to try hard to pull their beloved out of their darkness. As someone who suffered heavily from depression for a while, I know exactly how it feels when people come to you and start doing pep-talks with great ideas or calming words. Even though this gesture is happening out love (or often out of simple helplessness of the other), the appreciation for that act is rather upside-down.
Whoever came to me, to try to make me feel better usually failed in that attempt. However, if I was having a good conversation, unrelated to my depression, I felt much better and got distracted from my self-afflicted misery.
How Does One Deal With/Accept A Loved One Who Displays Self-Destructive Tendencies? (TSU Bi-Weekly Question)
@riverflows
For weeks, I've been thinking of my ex. I'm not sure why - he haunts me every now and then, because he was my first long term boyfriend when I was still quite young, and formed a big part of my life for some eight years. I broke his heart - left him in Australia thinking I'd be back, and my heart never returned to him because it had already left him some time before, just hadn't fully realised yet. Last time I saw him was two years ago - I could tell by the way he walked up the beach. He didn't look at me and I didn't look at him. We by-passed each other like two wary dogs. My heart wanted to hug him, to tell him I missed him, but there would be no use in that - that was the past, and probably best left there. Except my empathy nerves twitched - I wanted to know whether he was alright, these days.
How does one deal with/accept a loved one who displays self destructive tendencies? TribeSteemUp BiWeekly Question
@trucklife-family
I think the most important thing to remember here, is that it is not our place to change anyone. That must always come from the person themselves and no matter how much you want to see someone do better or improve there is nothing you can do to help them unless they want to be helped. We all know this already and I am sure we have all said it so many times to others. But damn it is so hard to accept sometimes.
One past relationship of mine, really stands out. It was someone that I cared for deeply and some one who I really thought I could help. Indeed there were times where he would become so messed up and upset that he would beg me to help him, with eyes full of fear and tears, beg me to help him stop feeding himself with drugs.
How does one deal with a loved one who displays self destructive tendencies? (Tribesteemup bi-weekly question)
@whatamidoing
When I was younger, I used to want to save everyone. I spent so much energy trying to convince others that there was a better way. I could see the self destructive tendencies that were being socialized into us, or those that come about as a reaction to other things that are socialized into us but may not be for everyone. Sometimes I was evangelical and sometimes was rather creative with the way I tried to get my point across but if I ever helped anyone, it took more out of me than it should have and there are many times I could have helped others and didn’t because I tried to hard.
How does one deal with/accept a loved one who displays self-destructive behaviors? [Dabbing with a Mage episode 181]
@alchemage
This week's @tribesteemup biweekly question was brought up by myself. This topic is quite close to my heart as I have been working to heal my own self-destructive tendencies for over half of my life. When our loved ones and those close to us display self-destructive behaviors we can often feel as though we need to step in and say or do something. There are things one can do and say, but there is a line that needs to be respected. Change comes from the self, but some times we do not know we are hurting ourselves or others. Join me in today's episode as I discuss my thoughts on this question and how it has affected my own life.
How does one deal with/accept a loved one who displays self-destructive tendencies @tribesteemup QOTW
@alexaventuria
Convincing others always implies that we find our way better.
But on the one hand, what is good for us might not be good for others, and on the other hand, if we have the freedom of doing things in our own way, we should acknowledge that others too have the freedom of doing it in their own way.
People don't like it at all to be told what to do or not. No theory in the world helps us as long as we haven't had the corresponding practical lesson. Vital lessons are only learnt if we experience for ourselves.
When we stop fearing for ourselves we stop fearing for others, realizing that we have all tools WITHIN to find "Home".
TribeSteemUp Bi-Weekly Question: How Do I Deal With / Accept Loved Ones Who is Displaying Self-Destructive Tendencies?
@amvanaken
It really sucks when your whole family is brainwashed. It can make it even worse if they’re so brainwashed that they outcast anybody who challenges their fragile view of reality. That has been my life for a very long time now and I see the way my family treats me as highly self-destructive. They treat me as though I am a “menace to society” when in reality all I want to do is help expose bullshit parading around as truth. This all really got worse for me when I gave my TEDx Talk about the pineal gland becoming calcified like a bone.
How does one deal with/accept a loved one who displays self destructive tendencies? TSU QOTW
@goldendawne
There are so many ways a person can be self-destructive; just as there are many ways loved ones can handle the person and their behavior. Including choosing to ignore it...
I have seen families torn apart. "Unconditional love" challenged and tested. Households divided. Relationships broken. And even some life-threatening moments arise.
No matter if the person you are trying to help with the destructive behavior is addicted to pain killers, illegal drugs; has an eating disorder or thrives on be promiscuous, these cataclysmic tendencies can effect so many other people. The person inflicted with these penchants either don't realize, or don't care, who they hurt along the way.
Tribe Steem Up Bi-Weekly Question: How Does One Deal With/Accept Loved Ones Displaying Self Destructive Tendencies
@consciousangel7
Well this really hit the nail on the head with some recent things we have been dealing with.
First of all, I must say I used to be that toxic family member to my own family. I was bitter and hurt from the past and would often lash out at my parents because they were the only ones there. I used to be so wrapped up in partying that I would do anything to escape my pain and uncomfortable feelings. Even if it was overworking, choosing behaviors that did not serve my higher good. Then for years I would blame my parents for my life.
I finally choose to step into the light and into my high self and take responsibility for my life. This was years ago, and it took me years to admit my part.
How does one deal with/accept a loved one who displays self destructive tendencies? TribeSteemUp Bi-weekly Question
@hopehuggs
I have had a tendency to attract into my life persons who have self-destructive tendencies as I have a lot of patience, tolerance and the capacity to support and encourage even at the expense of myself (my very own self destructive tendency as I am just discovering and trying hard to fix now).
I try to understand to the point that I try to imagine what its like to walk in their shoes and when I let my guard down my heart goes out to them and that is where the problems arise.
How do I Deal with/Accept a Loved one who Displays Self Destructive Tendencies? A TSU Question
@elamental
This week's @TribeSteemUp's question is a tough one, that does not have a clear definitive answer. People need to be ready to help themselves, and want change, before they can achieve it. No one can force another to change their ways. You can lead them to the door, but only they can open it, and walk through it.
I explain my detailed answer to this week's question in the following video. This has been another extremely busy week for me. Click pic below to play.
Boundaries are Your Friend
@solarsupermama
Well, I've been avoiding this one like the plague. Like it's 2 am, and I know it's still Wednesday somewhere, but pretty much only the pacific islands. That level of avoiding. Two things, I guess. One is that this one is so personal and right now up in my grill. The other is that I know this circumstance I'm rolling with is not near so dramatic as many others have dealt with.
I'll start on that second count. I have a friend whose first born is a heroin addict. Her mother was the victim of a home invasion turned rape who now lives in her dog shit infested and otherwise unclean house and won't leave or accept help. I have friends who have dealt with spouses, children, and parents with terrible addiction habits.
A big thank you to @hungryhustle for creating the amazing infographic of the 8 Pillars Of TribeSteemUp and For @eco-alex for creating the tribesteemup banner and logo.
Looks simple and minimal!
what exactly would that be @roman.senchukov
totally agree : "But you can not help anyone unless they wish to be helped."
cheers @oleg.dyriv
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STOPDo not miss the last post from @steemitboard:
sorry i missed this one.. probably a good one for me to have joined in on.. but.. well things are a bit full on right now..
amazing set of responses!!! <3
You really are very busy, so I completely understand how difficult it would have been for you to get it done. I hope you are finding time to have some fun amongst the chaos of it all, much love @eco-alex
today i had a one hour massage from an angel.. she took me to some place very very beautiful! that is my kind of fun right now! xx tomorrow is the big day, i find out hopefully if i can return to home!