Prepare.
The first step to having fun at your dead-end job, is preparation. Find out how much you can drink without being sloppy. Dead-end jobs are WAY more fun with a responsible buzz on — especially waiting tables — I usually make more money too. Some people may prefer cannabis, but not this guy — has me forgettin' orders and shit, BUT I SUPPORT YOU. Pack some eyedrops in your apron for everyone's peace of mind.
Next, you're gonna wanna figure out how late you can come in without being reprimanded. Now, see how close you can get to that time EVERY DAY. It's exhilerating.
Learn Skills.
Acrobatics
Learn how to spin trays on your finger. It's easy to do with just a couple "slow-days" of practice, and it's a great way to amuse your coworkers or children. For bonus points, use a pen or chopstick to spin the tray (It's actually easier than on your finger). Also — if your restaurant has fruit, it's a fine place to learn to juggle.
I play a game when the restaurant's slow, called "How long can I spin a tray and walk around the restaurant before someone bothers me, or.... I accidentally.....
throwI MEAN.... drop.... a tray on a child..."
Deception
Whether or not you want to, at a restaurant you WILL learn how to be fake. How to feign smiles and laughter. This is very useful in life for any situation you're not actually diggin, but you want onlookers to think that you ARE. For example...
- Hungover for Christmas morning church service with the family.
- Going to see your friend's band — Bon Jovary — at a dive-bar... and he asks you if you liked it??
- Attending Aunt Helena's 3rd wedding in 2 years...
- Taking a drug test.
GAME:
See if you can slip profanity into your server routine. My favorite....
"Would you like some more bread's dicks?"
Feel your smile turn from fake to sincere when they smile back and say,
"Why, yes please. I love your breadsticks!"
Another deceptive skill to learn in a restaurant is how to cleverly hide lack-of-hygiene.
Do you need to wash your hands if you have a towel to wipe the "dish-pit" juice off with?
Perhaps a quick rinse can dissolve suspicion?
This can be a game in itself. But there are really no winners....
How long can you not wash your uniform before someone notices?
Can the right dose of cologne replace a shower before work? How many days in a row?
Collect Trivial Items.
Does your job have seemingly limitless supply of certain items??
See how many you can collect over the time that you work there.
- Coasters
- ID cards
- Plasticware
- Candles
- Bowties
- Salad dressing
Bonus points if you can use them at home!!
Quit.
The most fun to be had at a dead-end job is quitting. There are many fun ways to quit — I'm sure many scenarios run through your head while you work, just like mine. My favorite way, nice and unconfrontational — write a poem and roll it up nice. Then tie it together and deliver your scroll to management. Walk out. IN SLOW-MO.
Here's one of my scrolls to give you some ideas....
Reveal spoiler
It read:
It’s been a pleasure being a part of the Pappadeaux's crew.
There were many lessons learned, many friends earned too.
Now this day is upon us and I feel so blue.
Unfortunately it's time for me to move on, time for me to do what I’ve got to do.
For fear of causing disdain, I pass on my sorrowful plea in the form I think will cause the least pain.
This serving game isn’t for me. You see?
Too many people causing me misery.
Extracting my happiness like a fee.
And happy I shall be.
To the entire team I send my highest regards, I was only one ace in your deck of cards.
So shed no tear, have no fear.
Remember the good times filled with cheer.
Gratitude and respect I send with the upmost sincerity.
I’ll close with this to maintain brevity.
Stay strong my friends, ‘twill not be long before our paths cross ends once again.
If that's a little too tidy for ya, there are many more fun confrontational ways to quit.
For instance, when you are serving a table of assholes and just can't take it anymore, try standing up on their table — making sure to knock some food into the laps of said "assholes" — and begin a loud rant about how you shouldn't quit cause you need the money, BUT "THESE ASSHOLES RIGHT HERE" are SO unbearable that you just have to.
Then walk out of the emergency exit and set off all the alarms. IN SLOW-MO!!
Or you can pass confrontational, and get right to cynical...
Maybe your coworkers are the fuckwads.
In that situation, pick a victim. The biggest wad of all.
Snatch an item from them.
Run and jump on their guest's table to say something CRAZY like....
"THIS IS FOR GETTING HANDSY WITH MY DOG!"
or....
"THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T SHIT IN MY SINK!"
Proceed to burn the item while cackling with laughter.
Then run out of the emergency exit and set off all the alarms. IN REGULAR SPEED...
BOOM. Now you're having fun at your dead-end job.
....you're welcome.
.png)
Look forward to the full time steemin my man.
Me too!! I'm so close! Especially if SBDs can stay at a decent level.
...I don't have many bills lol.
Dude. I worked in the restaurant industry for years and this is spot on. Bravo. You had me snickering away while reading this. The slow games are so true! I used to see how long I could clean one single tray without anyone noticing and crafted more soda/juice/tea concoctions in my free time than i’d care to admit. Twirling around a filthy dish towel till it went flying into someplace supposedly sanitary was also a favorite :)
Since you are experienced I was wondering like working there serving them can you ask for a fat tip all the time without offending them?
haha only if you laugh at the end like you're kidding
HAHA YES. This girl gets it!
Thanks!
Ya kno... I need to get more creative with my soda/juice/tea concoctions.
YOU'VE INSPIRED ME.
You just scored a @battleaxe non-famous 69% upvote!
Ayyeee Thank you!!! I'm honored.
Such a great and fun post :)
Love your sense of humor
Thank you so much! I've been honing my skills slowly but surely.
I hope soon to turn in another scroll and be a full time Steemer-man!
"HILARITY EQUATION COMPLETE."
Good luck with that 🍀😎
This is exactly what a fun serving job is like. With the right coworkers it can really be a lot of fun! Hilarious content my friend. Lets do a stream tonight!!!! Enough work! Lets play!
Thanks brotha!! Si señor! So glad we did. LONG LIVE @DLIVE
I guess the Hotel industry job is a way too taxing and for sure you need ways and means to keep yourself going. I liked the poetry part :-)
Haha "Hotel Edition" just may have to come next!! I haven't worked in one before, but I can already imagine some pretty good ideas.
oh yeah. It's gonna be good.
You have a unique sense of humor.
So I've never worked at a restaurant and I also never thought of doing that.
Spinning plates on two hands in the best part I think and as you break them while juggling them everyone's attention will be on you then you can pull off the best tricks so maybe you can get claps from everyone if you know great tricks after spinning plates and getting buzzed.
Ever thought of working at a restaurant and getting free foods or like taking foods from plates before serving, I think working in a restaurant with a level of craze can set you for life lol.
Thanks! haha, there are definitely many hidden benefits — especially if you're willing to get a lil down n dirty.
Lol! I practically laughing out loud reading this line. Nice and fun to read. :)
Thank you! So glad! Preciate ya stoppin' by!
Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by AVESA from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, someguy123, neoxian, followbtcnews, and netuoso. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows. Please find us at the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.
If you would like to delegate to the Minnow Support Project you can do so by clicking on the following links: 50SP, 100SP, 250SP, 500SP, 1000SP, 5000SP.
Be sure to leave at least 50SP undelegated on your account.