Good job! The story feels fresh, I like the idea of being many places and times. The last sentences are more traditional stuff. I understand 24 hour story is quite a challenge. But maybe at some point you could rewrite them into something spectacular, just as the rest of it.
Keep on creating!
There are many stories that I had created previously, which I decided not to deepen due to reasons of insecurity, but comments like yours inspire me to make this fact come true. Thanks for passing by