My alarm is supposed to be set for 5:00 AM but here I am at 2:30 in the morning, writing my thoughts in a post to calm me down.
I always have these anxiety attacks before something big is happening. You know that feeling of having butterflies in your stomach, of having shallow, quick breathes signaling your brain that you are anxious and your body starts pumping adrenaline to ready yourself for a fight or flight response.
It is the same thing ever since I was a kid and I have never outgrown it from experiencing it when reciting in class, presenting your project, being in front in a debate and even talking about your thesis in front of a panel.
You know that feeling back in high school that you have been writing sappy poems and giving it to your crush and finally having enough courage to tell her how you feel but somehow you freeze, with your tongue tied and unable to speak those three words.
When you are in a meeting and everyone is giving their thoughts on the project and you sit there in a corner, writing your points but not speaking it for fear of being ridiculed. This is especially true when you are the most novice in the room.
You counter a point being made in your head and think of a better way of solving it, complete with data and history because you know your stuff.
You remember that time back in high school when your Physical Education teacher asks all of you to line up and do a jump on the diving platform. You tense up as you climb each step and your stomach is a knot of nerves when you peer out the board.
You imagine yourself jumping and belly flopping into the water below, worse if you land on your back. Your knees shake as the teacher blows his whistle and order you to jump. You see your knuckles turn white as it refuses to let go of the railing.
"I can't do this! I can't do this! I can't do this!" a voice in your head screams, filling you with doubt. You are stuck there with a lot of your classmates grumbling and calling you a pussy.
You mentally give yourself a slap in the back, you mentally feel its sting and it spurs you to action.
You start to walk, and then you run, the voice screams that you might slip! and you jump!!! The voice is left at the board, all you can hear is the wind, you close your eyes and tilt your body and do a half decent spin before plunging fingers first into the water.
You made it, you jumped and did not belly flop. You pass Physical Education and know that when you start to doubt yourself you give yourself a mental slap in the back.
You push yourself forward.
You raise your hand and counter that point, you speak with a soft voice and as you continue it becomes more and more confident.
You muster enough courage and say I love you to the girl and hope for the best and expect the worst.
You move forward and type your thoughts and know you have prepared and done everything so you push down the anxiety and just do it.
Believe in yourself. Shine in a way that you know you are worth it.
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I think we all psych ourselves out before trying something new but after we have done it and accomplished what we set out to do it doesn't seem so scary anymore. Until we are faced with the next challenge, right? Pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone is how we experience true and lasting growth. Proud of you, Mave, for taking giant leaps out of your comfort zone and sharing your experiences!
Ivy
Thanks Ivy I have so many anxiety attacks and people are often surprised when I tell them I have it because people think that I am fearless and always ready to tackle challenges head on when in fact the voices in my head are often so loud and hard to drown out that i give myself mental slaps just to get over them.
I have the same thing honestly so I can totally relate. Just remember how awesome you are and how much you have to contribute to the world. Tell the voices to be quiet and go out confidently into the world. :)
Ivy
Lol I have named it JAD like one of my alter egos when I was younger and tell it to shut up hahha.
Hahaha I love it! I need to give my alter ego a nickname too. Hmm... thinking, thinking, thinking. I'll need more time on this one.
Ivy
I hope that whatever the "something big" that was going to happen, turned out ok! My son has anxiety attacks too, and his chewed up nails and nail beds are a sign that he hasn't yet got a handle on how to really deal with it all. I'm glad that you seem to have the tools to do that, although I know it doesn't make it any easier. Sending love and hugs your way buddy. <3
I was finally able to do it hahahha. I just need to psyche myself up in anything that I do or otherwise I would be paralyzed and unable to m,ove.
I needed to learn as there are so many people that are counting on me at times.
Thank you Lynn :)
My son often makes the problem so big in his head that he never does start it because he's sure he's going to fail. Never-ending cycle that he is continually working on.
Sometimes I would think that know others are counting on you can give you that extra push, but other times I would think it just makes it all the more overwhelming.
You're welcome. I hope my comments in some way are helpful for you :)
It can feel so debilitating and hard to go through things that we want and don't want to do.
Different people react differently with knowing and having the pressure that someone else is counting on you.
Always Lynn. You brighten up my day with your comments :)
Oh that makes me so happy @maverickinvictus ! Thank you for saying that 😅
I love that feeling. It is what makes me understand I am pushing myself out of my comfort zone.
Yes I use it as a mental trigger to get myself going for and not get frozen by fear.
I have noticed throughout my life that many things that I thought I couldn't do or might turn out disastrous were never as bad as all that. However, things I thought would turn out terrifically did actually fail. So setting myself up for the fall has been an issue throughout my life.
I can't say I've ever had that mental slap on the back, let alone felt it. I have heard people trying to get me to do things, but at this point in my life, unless it's my wife, I don't normally do things I don't feel comfortable doing. Peer pressure isn't something I deal with regularly anymore.
None of our schools had swimming pools, so I didn't worry about diving into the water, nor did we ever have to climb a rope or do any sort of pull ups. I mainly remember dodgeball. :)
Ah yes dodgeball the sport where you can aim to get a ball thrown to the face of your adversary hahahha and would be completely legal, just expect that it will be thrown with twice the force back at you hahaha.
I am a bit hard headed as well and if i don't want to do something it is pretty hard to make me do it as well unless it is something that is needed.
My hardheadedness knows some boundaries.
Oh this is a great post my friend!
In the first sentence before reading it all and going with the title, I thought it had something to do with having a hard time getting out of bed. Right away a memory pushed through my mind. A couple weeks ago my husband and I were awakened too early by the alarm and he couldn't figure out how to turn it off. He wasn't quite fully awake, he pressed all the buttons on the thing and the sound kept going, so he grabbed the alarm clock and smashed it on the dresser a few times. I started laughing with a slight thought of wtf is going on? Little did he know it wasn't the alarm clock, that it was the alarm on his cell phone LOL.
I hope that you are well and were able to get back to sleep. I know what that feeling is quite well. Although for me, I lacked slapping my back or give that extra shove needed. I don't know what is creating your anxiety but I wish I could help more, encourage you so that you can make it without the slap being so painful. The person I know you to be is a great one and with your personality, intelligence, love and compassion, ability to see truth and what is right, I know it will fly by as you accomplish for the greater good. Good luck with everything. I send you fearless strength xx :)
I am often having anxiety attacks and usually procrastinate to the last minute and then have to hurry so much hahaha.
Oh that has happened to me as well with multiple alarm clocks and phone just to get me up hahahha.
Thank you FS for the kind words and thinking that I am that kind of person especially when all I see are the flaws.
We will always see the flaws within ourselves. Everyone has 'flaws' and that's ok.
I procrastinate way too much and am also a last minute person so I understand that. But for me it is because I am tired all the time. So the energy isn't there.
I hope that anxiety and one day leave you so you can feel good about things. So many things I wish I could take away. Be well my friend.