Ulog #16
Date: June 1, 2018 (Late Post)
Title: Hanging By A Thread
I have nothing to write. Maybe I do, but I don't know what exactly or how to start it because a lot of things are going on. I am serious when I say a lot. I haven't done #ulogs in a week because I have to discriminate stuff so I can balance myself. My sanity included.
Let me just tell you how I feel at this moment and what are the things or stimulus I accommodate in my thoughts. I will open a window for you all to feel me a bit.
It's 12am and I'm on my bed. My thought is about me hanging on a thread. I cannot describe how I feel all the time but considering my illness, it always feels like I'm hanging and holding on to a thread. I'm not steady, I swing that thread, I swing with it. Because everytime I swing I find another small thread I can hold on to and I bind these threads together making me a rope.
This rope are the people that give me reasons to hang on. I have been so blessed with people. It seems like every person I meet has a purpose in my life. I don't have a lot of friends but I have a team of all the people I need to get me through life, always.
Life has always been difficult. It was never smooth nor a bed of roses for me. When people talk of having gone through hell, I always say I've been there and back and back again and again ten times. Sometimes, it even feels like it's beyond hell, like it's worse and hell doesn't even come close. But I always know I don't belong there and I always search for the light in everything.
When I don't see the light, I make it. I know in my heart I can make it. I believe I can. When you know how to count how blessed you are and when you have an unceasing faith, you can. You will be guided to be exactly where you should be and be with the people whom you should be with.
I'm grateful of the people in my team right now. This is a tough episode in my life but I've got all the people I need to hold on strong to the rope. They are my Earth Angels, my lucky charms, my heroes, my reasons for living. I don't think of falling because I don't feel the rope breaking. I see each thread holding me tight, believing in me and they are being strong for me, too. The universe knows how much I treasure and love you all, you will know it.
Image Source: Pixabay
What a coincidence, my music player just played Man on a Wire by Script. I love that band and that song seems appropriate to the hanging on theme I am writing about, but the guy in it was walking on tightrope not hanging by it. Let me make my thumbnail for this ulog inspired by that because that looks cool, so this won't be too dramatic and boring.
It's 1am. I can't believe it took me an hour to make this #ulog. Something is telling me to open the bible tonight and it got me to Psalm 143. I have a bible given to me by a stranger named Stephen. I don't even know his last name but he was African-Canadian, he would visit me in the dialysis center to pray for me. He would sometimes give me bread and bring me coffee. We never talked much, we just agreed on praying together because he was always there to visit the children's ICU. To be honest, I don't know how he found me, I no longer recall. But I recall people told me he was insane but never did I believe that. I saw him walking under the rain and I thought he had no umbrella so I bought him one but I never saw him again. He went to the center to tell the nurses to tell me he will be gone and back to Canada and left me with a bible and nothing more. No email or number or anything.
He probably visited me 3-5 times to pray with me while I was hooked up to the machine. In one of those meetings he told me if I wanted to pray and I said sure since that's what we always do. We never talked about his religion or mine. But we both believe in God and that's it. He said it was a different kind of prayer, I needed to close my eyes and just concentrate and feel the things I wanna feel. I was thinking, okay, he wants me to meditate. He prayed for 15 minutes perhaps and that was nothing to me since I'm just sitting there for 4 hours anyway.
That encounter was amazing. He asked me what I saw in my mind. Yes, I saw things and I told him about some of it. I told him what I saw in the beginning and he had supplied the rest as if he saw the same as I. I asked him why did he know and what was that about. He just told me, Karen you are his child and he loves you so much to let you see the things you saw. I may never see Stephen again because I really have no idea about him other than his name is Stephen but even with meeting strangers, I am so blessed.
I never expected to make a long #ulog but here is Psalm of David from Psalm 143:
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
2 Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
3 The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in the darkness
like those long dead.
4 So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
5 I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
6 I spread out my hands to you;
I thirst for you like a parched land.[a]
7 Answer me quickly, Lord;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
9 Rescue me from my enemies, Lord,
for I hide myself in you.
10 Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.
11 For your name’s sake, Lord, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
12 In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.
Pray. It gives us a good night.
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You may not have anything to say on your #ulog post today, but the truth is, you've inspired me, telling me about your self already.
The truth is we always have something to say, one of the most outstanding thing about ulog is that, it cures writer's block
I wish you knew how much more is to come.
what do you mean sir ?
@surpassinggoogle
Well Terry, it's unimaginable, ulog will get even more bigger more astronomical😃😃😃
There is hope. You had nothing to say, but you inspired. The Lord is your strength. Remain blessed.
I feel you... I may not have the same sickness but I know what you are going through...Just hang on and surrender everything to God. For me, it doesn't matter if you have less friends, others may have a bunch, but are they true, are they real? Take care always.
Hi Mer,
I follow you but I would say this is my true introductory read of your blog. I don't know the extent of your health issues or their impact on your spiritual self but it seems significant. So for starting with a "nothing" statement you said a lot. That being said, the meme you wrote or used had the most impact for me because even though it represents you it most clearly made me think about my life and the people it. Life is precious, life is fleeting and life is a journey. I wish you the beast with yours.
Mysterious stranger...The good Samaritan ... I admire what he did to you, he really cares ...
You said quite a lot, considering you had nothing to say. Very moving and inspiring. I think that the fact that you can make these kinds of connection with people (who, judging by their comments, know you or have been following you for a while) is an indication of strength and empathy.
May you keep your sanity. Sometimes, all it takes is some me-time, disconnect (which is hard in this platform when you have become so involved and have so much in your plate).
What a coincidence, my music player just played Man on a Wire by Script. I love that band and that song seems appropriate to the hanging on theme I am writing about, but the guy in it was walking on tightrope not hanging by it. Let me make my thumbnail for this ulog inspired by that because that looks cool, so this won't be too dramatic and boring.
very clear writing .... I feel happy to have commented on your post ... hopefully what you send can be understood by all who visit in your post.
this post has my #vote, #comments, and #resteem .... thank you hope we are happy to be acquainted here....!!!!
Best regard @surpassinggoogle and @mermaidvampire
@mermaidvampire Thread/ropes don't always mean to be a thing were we can hold into. Sometimes it means all the persons that was tied on our life, ropes and threads that will never be cut and tied in our hearts and memories
You are a queen and i know you will not only pull through but turn this pain into so much power that from it, you can help others live!
Keep shining mermaid!
Amazing @mermaidvampire,,
I love you karen,,,,!
Success for you @mermaidvampire and @surpassinggoogle
Wao! @mermaidvampire, you're really amazing. Your blog post is truly motivational, i'm also a motivator and i can say to you that i'm truly motivated. Thanks @surpassinggoogle for this ulog initiative, it helps people more than you know of.
@mermaidvampire, it's really disheartening to me to hear about your condition but don't give up. I pray the lord restore you back to good health.
This is from me with all sincerity; i'm a motivator that hasn't motivated people in a long time but instead i was motivated by you. You're a blessing to me and the whole steemit community @mermaidvampire. I will wait earnestly for your next blog post. Happy new month
Much love!!!
That was the greatest thing you need most at that particular time. Talking about BIBLE