Ulog #19
Date: June 10, 2018
Title: You Gotta Love Living Your Life
I had a rough night last night. I did not even finish my dialysis session because it was tough. I had to beg the nurses not to call my mom and to just end the session 1 hour before it's supposed to end because I was fading in and out of life, 3 times in the 3 hours that I was hooked up. Anyway, it was terrible. I did not expect it to happen. I was praying because I was feeling heavy. I was telling my spirit to fight whatever it is that was heavy in me. I was channeled and I was seeing things and I was just, I don't know, I don't even want to talk about it because it's dark. It's probably a worst kind of anxiety and panic attack combined. But I really don't care, I know I just have to pray. I prayed and I prayed. Then there was a blood leak in the machine, they had to throw all my blood that was on the lines, and that's a huge amount of blood loss for me. It's a bag of blood, like the bag you buy in the blood bank if you measure it. That is very precious blood for me because unlike normal people I have very low amount of hemoglobin. I have to inject myself with a hormone in multiple doses for me to have them all back again and it's expensive, the world has no idea.
Then my head started getting painful, then my stomach started feeling funny, then it was painful, then it was pain all over me. This was not expected but I guess the blood loss caused disequilibrium in my body. They wanted to call my family because things were looking bad. I told them no because I know how it feels to be called for an emergency in the middle of the night. I don't want my family to rush and panic, it's an hour drive from home. Terrible things can happen. If I'll die, I'll die, there's not much another person can do really. It has happened once before and my family almost met an accident, so, I hate the thought of calling them to just be by my side when I am having a tough time.
I was dizzy and nauseated and I was fading in and out and I just begged the nurse to stop the machine because my heart was having a hard time, my blood pressure was down to 90/60. They had to unhook me and I told them I'd sleep. That happens, when my BP goes low, I feel so sleepy and I am yawning a lot. They watched me and checked my vitals every now and then as ordered by my doctor. I can see their concern and worry in their eyes. I really love our nurses, they are no longer just nurses for me, they have become my friends.
Then I woke up at 12mn and I was feeling all well, I was thinking about the Discord Talk Show. I got up and picked my bag and told the nurses I need to eat I am hungry. They were all shocked and worried. I assured them I was okay and I needed to go to the restaurant infront of the hospital to eat. They were trying to stop me but I assured them I was fine. Honestly, I was fine. It did not feel like I was dying just hours ago.
The restaurant had ceiling to floor mirrors and as I watch my reflection I was telling myself, "Gosh, why am I more beautiful than usual today?" Then I smiled, I looked so pale and I was thinking wow, I am out at 12 looking like this, I am really a vampire. Then I opened my laptop to listen to the Talk Show in Discord. I was 30 mins late. It felt good to be there like people were asking me how I've been and why I was late. The show always feels like a riot like a reunion. It feels like people there knows everyone since childhood when in fact we don't know each other personally.
I ordered fish fillet and baconsilog then afterwards I had coffee. It felt like a wonderful early morn, totally different from the episode in the hospital. Strangers come in and say hi and chit chat with me. I don't know why they do, but it's really fun talking to strangers sometimes, probably they are intrigued why I am out alone or something. Tacloban City is busy because the city fiesta is on the 30th. I was still in Discord, joking with everybody and having fun. But I had to say goodbye to them because I needed to go back to the hospital and rest and update the nurses that I am fine. People in Discord were about to sleep, or so I thought.
Around 5am, I opened my laptop again and checked Discord to find a lot of people were still awake and @surpassinggoogle was still with them despite needing rest and so busy with what he does. I admire his dedication towards the things that he does like that Radio Show. And the Nigerian crowd is ever energetic. I finally understood what Pidgin is and I am not surprised they have something like Pidgin, Pidgin is a result of Nigeria's youthful vibe and kinetic energy in their people. It was fun spending the start of my day with them singing and joking.
I had to have breakfast, the talk show in Discord has ended. Breakfast was like a celebration of how wonderful my life is because it's another miracle that I am still here breathing. I ate pancakes and orange juice. I was thinking to myself, if I was followed by a camera, my life could be like a suspense thriller and a comedy in one. Another stranger had a chit chat with me while she was waiting for her takeout. We talked about my illness and asked me if I was not afraid being alone in the hospital and being out there without anyone. I just told her nope and never. Life is meant to be enjoyed, besides, worries won't help and being afraid is useless.
PS: Discord Talk Show with SurpassyG is fun, it's worthy not missing it for the world. You should try it, if you haven't already. HAHAHA!
Image Source Pixabay
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Omg!So you're from around the corners in Tacloban City too @mermaidvampire?How I wish to meet you in person.
Yeiey! Are you part of TaclobanPh, the Steemit Group?
It was nice to hear from you yesterday at the Steemgigs show with @surpassinggoogle
I never knew about your health issues, I'm so sorry really, please em take life as it comes, be hopeful and strong, and I'll always be praying for you,
Thank you for sharing your life testimony @mermaidvampire..
Be strong and courageous..
dont give up.. God is always with you..
I pray for you..
Fighting!!
God bless!!
You made me cry @mermaidvampire.
The Lord is your strength @mermaidvampire. Heard your lovely voice for the first time at Steemgigs talk show with @surpassinggoogle last night. You will not die but will live to proclaim the Lord's goodness just like you did now. It is well with you, dear.
You're really a vampire, so brave of you yes, sometimes we just have to hide and not letting any members of our family worry that much even friends just to cheer them up assuring them that everything is fine. Get well @mermaidvampire!
You are one brave soul. 😊 Take care always!
I know you're brave and can manage yourself well despite of your health condition. You always conquered difficult circumstances because you believe in this "Life is meant to be enjoyed, besides, worries won't help and being afraid is useless." You really have a huge mind that can overpower your health condition. You can think well so you can live well. Keep on fighting ladybumpz! You may be a stranger to me and I am stranger to you but I do care..I really am. You have a space here in my heart... 😘😘😘
Hi, I’m sorry to hijack your post but I will do this only once to tell that you have been selected for the Steemians directory. As not everybody is checking out mentions, I think this is the best way to make you aware of it.
You can read more about this new initiative here and I would greatly appreciate your feedback about this project.
If you think it has some added value it would be great if you could resteem the post to make more people aware of it.
Also, if you don’t want to be mentioned on the directory, just leave me a comment and I will delete your profile from the website. As I just added you, your profile will stay visible on the homepage at least until the next update post on steemit.
Thank you very much for reading!
BTW: I also listed your contest on the directory… feel free to comment if you see any mistakes or want to see something changed.
STOPGreetings @mermaidvampire! Your post was chosen at random and was resteemed because you are one of our followers.
After months of inactivity, we're back and ready to resteem more content from our followers! Enjoy your free resteem!
Shareables - We resteem anything we find shareable. Always strive for quality content. Go on express and harness your blogging potential!
God bless from us @Shareables!
Thank you so much, I appreciate it.
Prayer sent always @ mermaidvampire...be well...
You are indeed amazing @mermaidvampire, truly only God can give such strength. Pray He keeps strengthening you. The talk with @surpassinggoogle is always exciting.