Time keeps running away
No matter what's left behind
It keeps on moving
Tomorrow is not in today
And all of your yesterdays
Are only a matter of
Time
Anastacia
++I caught myself glancing at the calendar as I sat by the window. The rain was pouring outside, droplets streaming down the glass pane like tears from heaven. I was in hell. Perhaps the angels weep for me. Unlikely. I took a sip of tea and rested my head against the frame. I was only supposed to be here for a short thirty day tour. That was months ago. If all had gone according to plan, I would be in Canada right now and thousands of miles away from him. I had thought I was still alone when I started gently banging my head against the frame. Suddenly my silent misery was interrupted++
“Lizzy-san? Is all okay? You look sad.” Azami said as she joined me in the room. She slid the door closed behind her and joined me on the floor by the window.
“Azami. I’m just really starting to struggle to cope with this whole situation. And I think Devon is already beginning to plan my murder, just as an aside.” I quipped as I returned my head to a rested position.
“Devon-san has been dealt with. Many apologies for his dishonorable behavior. You and Eoin-san are my guests. I will not tolerate such disrespect.” She said, nodding in approval. Devon was my cousin…and possible ex-lover slash puppet. His hate for me burned like a thousand suns. I never understood how Azami could fall in love with him. He was moody, bruteish and never smiled. Of course the fault is mine. I’m the reason he left the business behind in America to move to Japan and finish his career there. We couldn’t both exist within the same country, now we were stuck in the same building. I took another sip of my tea and sighed.
“I just can’t understand why he won’t let it go or move on from it. Especially when he has a beautiful, intelligent woman like you as his wife. It just seems silly at this point. I’m not even harboring any more ill will towards him. I’m actually happy he has built the life for himself that he has. I’m glad you used a firm hand with him as Eoin was coming very close to blows. I honestly feel like maybe he and I should contact the embassy and have them put us up somewhere else as I’m afraid if we stay longer, it will cause strife with Devon and that is not something I want.” I looked at her, a hint of shame and sheepishness on my face. Her brow narrowed as her arm raised and she wagged a finger towards me.
“Absolutely not Lizzy-san. You are not well. It is my honor to have you as my guest and my joy to help you heal. Though I feel shame that you were forced to take pain killers for your condition. I know how you would prefer marijuana. That is another reason I wish for you to stay as my guest. Safety net. Your previous addictions are known to me and I feel that relapse would be less likely to happen if you are in a safe and calm environment. You will stay, yes?” She had a polite but wry glimmer in her eyes as she warmly smiled. She knew all my secrets. She was close as a sister to me. The past few years we traveled the world together. She was at times my voice of reason when my train went off the tracks. She was nurturing and was a natural born healer. Healing. I needed a lot of that.
“I would dishonor you and Devon both if Eoin and I were to leave, we will stay. I could never hurt your feelings. Your concerns about me relapsing are not unfounded. I’ll probably deal with the fear of addiction my whole life. While it’s frustrating to not be able to use my safer, greener method for pain, I appreciate that the doctors here were willing to give me anything. It’s not like any of us could have predicted this and if I were to have to be locked down anywhere it would be here with you and Eoin. Your home is so relaxing. You have gone to great effort to make the space healing, relaxing and intimate. One day I hope to know what that is like. In a way I envy you. I don’t think I’ve stayed anywhere long enough to make it a home. The closest was when Fionn was still alive. I guess after she died I was cursed to be forever restless.” I could feel the pitiful look on my face. Her face swelled up with concern as she reached out, touching the hand that was still wrapped around a partially warm cup of tea.
“Oh Lizzy-san. Your heart still aches for her. I cannot pretend to understand what it is like to lose a child. I imagine it is something you never really get over. I understand why Lizzy-san would not want to settle down or stay put. When one grows roots one cannot escape the past. Lizzy-san would have to address the pain. If one stays in motion, they have no time to battle bad memories. The wound is still tender after all these years. Do you not wish to ever slow down and build your life with Eoin? Excuse me if I am rude for asking.” She nodded respectfully. I bowed my head back and sat the half empty mug down.
“I do. I really do. I feel guilty that he had to adjust to working such a hectic and never ending schedule. It wasn’t what he signed up for, I know. I’m just…not ready to slow down. I’m not satisfied with how my career has tapered off. If I were to retire at the current time, I would never forgive myself. I want to go out on my own terms. I’ve earned that. I refuse to bow out because some poorly trained bitch botched her own finisher and re injured my neck. I know you are aware of what the doctors and specialists have said, even those I’ve seen here but I know my body. They don’t. I know in my heart I still have it. I can still fight and wrestle and I want to go out in a blaze of glory, not remorseful and bitter because it was “premature”.” I sharply exhaled and deflated. She cocked her head to the side and a frown began to form.
“Lizzy-san, while this path is honorable, it is also perilous. You can only control your own actions, not those of whom you work with. Injury, possibly paralyzation or death, is still a possible ending to this path. What then? Time will have run out for you to make a life with Eoin-san. You can have both, you deserve both. Please consider this? You do yourself a disservice by not thinking you deserve happiness and peace. You must allow yourself to heal. Perhaps this arrangement is a boon for your pained soul? Maybe your ancestors are blessing you with peace?” Her eyes lit up as she finished. I looked away, trying to force the tears and emotion back down. It stung to hear the words but she was right. No better time than now, when all I have is time.”
Show Presser
“Mrs O’Rourke, what made you decide to sign a contract with UWC?”
Apathy: Let me first make it easier for this presser to progress. You may refer to me by my ring name, I would be honored if you would. As for your question, my decision was based on part fate and part self interest. My career spans almost twenty years and I have had the honor of wrestling for the fine people of Japan numerous times throughout my career. Admittedly it had been a long time when I was halfway through a tour here in Japan before the world changed. I thrive on competition and through both my own research and the first hand accounts of others, UWC got my attention.
“Are you familiar at all with any of your opponents for your debut?”
Apathy: Personally, no. Professionally I would be doing them both a disservice if I did not know of their talents, so yes, professionally I am aware of their work. Mariko and I surprisingly have a similar path we’re walking. I understand her drive and determination because I’ve been in that same spot making those same decisions. I feel honored to be given the opportunity to face such an impeccable woman and I respect her drive to get back to the mountain. Duyen, I know a little less of, but her strength and resourcefulness are impressive and to be admired. I look forward to the opportunity to be able to experience her gifts in the ring and it will be my honor to have my UWC debut against both women.