The Shocking Truth About Gary Gensler Revealed!

This hit piece was going to be published about me until I got a court order to cease a desist. I got the judge to label the article as a commodity.

Hey there, crypto enthusiasts and vampire aficionados alike! Have you ever wondered what Gary Gensler, the chairman of the SEC, does in his free time? Well, prepare to have your mind blown because I've uncovered the shocking truth – Gary Gensler is actually the vampire in the classic horror film, Nosferatu!

I know what you're thinking – "But isn't Gary Gensler just a regular guy who loves regulations and financial oversight?" Well, think again, my friends, because beneath that bureaucratic exterior lies the undead heart of a blood-sucking creature of the night.

Now, I know what you're thinking – "How could Gary Gensler possibly be a vampire?" Allow me to present the evidence:

The Resemblance is Uncanny: Take one look at a side-by-side comparison of Gary Gensler and Count Orlok from Nosferatu, and tell me you don't see the resemblance. The bald head, the sharp features, the eerie gaze – it's like they were separated at birth!
His Obsession with Regulation: Think about it – why would a vampire be so obsessed with regulations and financial oversight? It's the perfect cover-up! By day, he's just a mild-mannered SEC chairman, but by night, he's out there sucking the blood of unsuspecting investors.
His Cryptic Speeches: Have you ever listened to one of Gary Gensler's speeches and thought, "Wow, this guy sounds like he's talking in code"? That's because he is! Those seemingly innocent remarks about market transparency and investor protection are actually secret messages to his vampire brethren.
His Love for the Shadows: Have you ever seen Gary Gensler in direct sunlight? I didn't think so. That's because vampires, much like Gary Gensler, prefer to lurk in the shadows, away from the prying eyes of the public.
His Insatiable Thirst for Blood… I Mean Regulation: Let's face it – Gary Gensler's relentless pursuit of regulatory enforcement is downright bloodthirsty. Coincidence? I think not!

So there you have it, folks – the truth about Gary Gensler and his secret double life as the vampire in Nosferatu. Who knew that behind every SEC chairman lies a creature of the night? Until next time, stay vigilant, and always keep a stake handy, just in case!

Next week, my lawsuit against the Simpsons for Character Defamation