Man- I’m really sorry. I had a friend who passed away a couple years ago. I live in Ohio and his funeral was held in NY as well. I couldn’t make it... and to this day, It’s one of my biggest regrets.
I think about him all the time- I know that had it been the other way around, he would have been there.
Anyways, sorry for adding to the sadness. My condolences. It gets better but it never goes away.
Peace