The Soldier

(An eerie disembodied voice whispers faintly to a Private in the United States Marine Corp as he’s face down, white knuckling his rifle, in the dirt somewhere outside of Khe Sanh.)

’I believe in needing certain people like family and loved ones.’ A Soldier thinks to himself. A voice in his head says, “I believe in needing all people...”

(As he’s thinking what camaraderie it would be and about all that touchy-feely mumbo jumbo when suddenly this fierce-looking, sweaty soldier, you know the stereotypical one from every Vietnam War movie that was ever made, comes out of a rice paddy and starts screaming at him.)

“Hey fuck stick! This is a battlefield!”

(Immediately he wanted to say ‘No sir. Love is a battlefield.’ Then he starts to imagine himself femininely singing, that Pat Benatar classic we all know and love, to him all in a homoerotic manner. Then his thought gets interrupted by the fierce looking soldier up in his face.)

“Stoned stupid aren’t you there, base camp commando? Listen hear, you dumb fugazi mother fucker. Men, you and I know and have fought alongside, are being slaughtered right before our eyes. We could die too, at literally any fucking second, by those god damn selfish Vietcong who believe only certain people are needed and want to take our lives because of it. And here you are private just a diddy-bopping around here cherry-picking your, whoopty-fucking-doo dumbass numbah ten thousand, damned beliefs...well la-dee-freaking-da. Your best bet grunt is that you fly home butterfly, Iet me and mine stay behind so you can see your family and loved ones. I’m not even worried in the slightest if it’s in one piece or not.”

(He senses his demeanor change all of a sudden and a whole new passion overcomes him, just effortlessly exuding this strange air of confidence from his menacing outwardly scary hulking appearance. He thinks to himself, “Why couldn’t he just sing with me?”*

“Until then we are here! And believe you fucking me, there will not be one soldier left behind! Not a single fuck, not one! NOoOoOOoONE! None of us will die on this battlefield today and not ever again...not any more, not ever. I believe now that no soldier can possibly get left behind if we leave behind the idea of gullibly believing it that a soldier that has to go...behind. It has to go...behind us. NO YOU IDIOT, THEY’RE LITERALLY BEHIND US! INCOMING!”

The voice of the narrator shockingly appears suddenly, “That was all that could be salvaged from the damaged recording. It’s all that could be accounted for to understand what actually happened.”